Welcome to the danger zone.

So, a weird thing happened last night – I threw my back out!  I suppose in the grand scheme of things its not that strange, but here are some things that seemed off about the whole thing:

1.        I’m only 30!  And someone told me 30 is the new 20 (lies.  I told myself that.) But seriously, I’m not “throw your back out” old yet.
2.         I’m a model of physical fitness! (LOLOLOLOLOLZZZZ) Ok, but in all seriousness, I am a reasonably fit human being that exercises regularly, and maintains a reasonable weight.
3.        I generally avoid heavy lifting, or even light lifting.  Picking up objects and moving them is so 2012.
4.        I have never really had back problems before.

*** I think I can still run, so don't cry for me.  But sitting on my couch drinking Martinis makes the pain worse (unless I drink lots of Martinis!) so maybe have a cocktail for me?

I suppose it’s possible that I just randomly threw my back out.  BUT, here’s the kicker – the two guys I share a work space with (that are the same age as me) have also thrown out their backs in the past few months!  I suppose it could just be karma getting me back for making fun of them for being old and out of shape (Damn my sass-mouth!!!)

The torture chamber.

So, we had a pow-wow this morning at work, and determined we have crappy desk furniture, because three young healthy people should not hurt their backs in such a short amount of time.  (if ever.)  Luckily, my back pain seems minor (compared to what they went through) and I don’t foresee physical therapy or anything drastic in my future.  As a means of getting better equipment, we came up with the plan to demand radical and expensive change that would naturally be shot down, (for example lunch time personal massages and a zen meditation garden) in hopes that the compromise could be new chairs.

Obviously, given the choice, I would have never had a “desk job.”  I would be much more suited to be like a forest park ranger, or a circus acrobat (fun gingerfoxxx fact:  My ancestors were circus trapeze artists!  The more you know.)  Despite the fact that I like what I do, and I seem well suited for it, my biggest regret is that I spend so much time sitting.  And no matter how many lunch break adventures or walking breaks I take, I still sit hunched over a computer for 8 9 hours a day. 

Have you ever demanded upgraded tools for your job?  Do you have an interesting way to move/keep active during the work day?

Is your job also trying to kill you???

The stress fracture scare of 2013

I was a little lax on my blogging last week.  Two reasons:  

1.  Rachel and I put hella man hours into Team Run for HD.  I think its going to be a really awesome fundraising year for us, and we already have a few great events on the calendar!  So pumped!  (and exhausted!)

2.  I started having foot pain.  Not like "awwww, my feet are sore", but more of a "this spot feels broken" sort of pain.  Obviously, having just run two races i was severely undertrained for, my mind instantly jumps to stress fracture.  (for the record, i thought i had skin cancer the previous week, but it turned out to be melted chocolate.  Because thats normal too.) I think i jumped to that conclusion because that's the worst thing that could happen right now.  I am starting to feel great about running finally, because i am not stressed or beating myself up, and i am enjoying the shorter, faster runs without a marathon looming in the near future.

Don't fear, Ragnar teammates, it's most likely not a stress fracture.  But i do have a dilemma on my hands.  Between roller derby, running, and summer walking, my feet will only allow me two out of three.

The helmet is filling in for my skate because i am too lazy to walk down the street and get my skate out of the car

We all know running is hard on the feet.  And so is roller derby - you shove your feet in uncomfortable skates, and you stretch all those foot muscles as you try to stay standing.  And then summer sandals - don't get me started (or even worse - toms! so painful!).  I have a desk job, so it's not like i am on my feet all day, but i do spend a lot of time strolling the streets with waffles, and gladiator sandals do not provide the foot support you would assume they would with a name like gladiator sandals.

Which two would you choose?  I am naturally going to kiss my fashionable sandals goodbye.  But i am not happy about it.  What am i supposed to wear all summer?  Don't they make supportive sandals?  Like nurses shoes in sandals form??

Woe is me.

But seriously - what is on your feet this summer?  Or should i just make a statement and go barefoot everywhere?

And her lunch grew three sizes that day...

Seriously.  I would photograph all 5 lbs of it, but 2 lbs were already eaten before 9am.  I have reached that horrible realization that I am running a marathon in 5 days, and there is nothing I can really do at this point to change the outcome.  The training cycle is over, and the whole darn thing was a shit show.  (actually, just the second half….the first half went pretty well!) There is nothing I can do, and no one I can blame for whatever happens on Saturday.

No, wait.  Scratch that.   I blame the dog.  She has been a major contributing factor to skipped runs and lost sleep.  And over-consumption of martinis.  Luckily, thanks to a new combination of meds and about a grand in vet visits, everything seems to be A-ok, and the little chunker feels like she might have even put on some weight – watch out 17lbs, here we come!  Either way, Waffles, this is all your fault. 

I jest (sort-of).  There are a lot of contributing factors to this shitty training cycle – some good, some bad.  And either way, it’s too late to dwell on them now.  Because I HAVE TO RUN AN F***ING MARATHON ON SATURDAY!!!

With the lack of physical training, I only have my brain to help get me through this one.  I actually think this might be the most “mentally fit” I have been going into a marathon.  Now I just have to keep it that way until Saturday…..Welcome to my “serenity now” rampage!

***Also, I would like to see anyone else use rampage and serenity in the same sentence. 

This is mostly towards Matt and Waffles, and I will let you guess which rules go to which, but seriously – serenity now.  Right-freaking-now.

1.        I am going to be in bed by 9:30.  10 at the latest.  If you need an egg sandwich at midnight, you WILL be making it yourself.

2.       Stop waking me up in the middle of the night to go outside.  Repeatedly.  You are just doing it now because I have gotten used to it, and you know there are rabbits outside at 4am. 

3.       NO JALEPENOS ON ANYTHING, GOD DAMMIT!  Stop sneaking them onto my food.  Seriously.

4.       Stop judging me when I try to eat an entire bowl of popcorn.  After dinner.  I’m carbo-loading, you jerks.

5.       I can’t do laundry or dishes this week.  My muscles are regenerating this week in preparation for the race.  Sorry guys.

6.       If I wake up even one night this week because I have been shoved into the crack between the bed and the wall and there is a dog on top of me, you are both sleeping on the couch.

7.       Apple-flavored vodka counts as a fruit, and anyone who tries to argue this point with me is in for a world of hurt.  (Also – apple flavored vodka is on sale at Trader Joes for $6.99 – get on that!!)

8.       And you, Mother Nature.  Don’t. Even. Start with me.  I mean it.

Two sick puppies.



Poor Matt.  If i was him, i would have run screaming from the infirmiry our apartment has become...



What is the worst thing that could possibly happen 3 weeks before your marathon?

The flu.

Ok, its probably not the very worst thing that could happen, so I should probably shut up before I jinx myself.  But, I am slightly less than pleased that during what is probably the most crucial week of work outs in training, I have been completely side lined.  The only redeeming thing in my illness is that Waffles has been sick all week too, and has been my constant cuddle buddy. She is having an IBS flair-up, (a particularly nasty one at that) so she has been having digestive problems for the past week (a nice way of saying explosive diarrhea.) 

Between the germ-ridden travel, the stress of cramming 5 days on work into 3 days, the emotional havoc of two days with a bunch of Huntingtons Disease people, and not having continuous sleep since March (Thanks Waffles, you poop monster….) has really caught up with me.  I have a friend (who just ran the Paris Marathon, Congrats Jess!!) that would always function at 110%.  She would get more done in a day than most people got done in a week, and I am still in awe of how she managed to do it.  I have a low tipping point, and whenever I try to go “Jess-mode,” the stress and exhaustion gets to be too much, my whole body shuts down.  My never ending drive to do all the things has left me side-lined on the couch (once again) with Waffles doing NONE of the things, other than eating plain rice and napping.



NAPPING.   Like a Boss.



We did walk down to the park this weekend, since we were both too sick to exercise, but wanted to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air.  It was really funny, because all the dogs, hyper as they were, would take a break to calmly come over and lay by my feet, like I am some kind of dog whisperer.  It’s weird the way that animals can sense sickness, and care for you in your own way.  Sometimes I think I am better around animals than people – they just get me. 

***I am still working on my DC post – the whole thing was much harder and more emotional than I thought it would be.  And now I feel like crap on top of it.  Waffles is spending the day with the vet.  Sadly, she doesn’t have the meat on her bones that I do, so where as I can stand to not eat and lose a few lbs (ok.  10 lbs.  I should probably lose 10 lbs.) she is so tiny to begin with that they need to keep her hydrated. 

The really hard part is that I feel guilty.  Guilty that I didn’t run 20 miles this weekend (even though prolonged standing is making me dizzy at this point).  Guilty that I didn’t run yesterday.  Guilty that I am not running right now as I type this.  Guilty that i can't take care of my stupid dog.  Guilty that i can't write a coherent blog post.  I know that it’s batshit crazy to feel that way, but whatevs, it’s how I roll.

Do you get running guilt when you’re sick?  What about marathon flu?  (this will be the 3^rd f***ing time I have gotten sick a few weeks before a marathon….what the heck?)

A week of no training. Week 7.

Miles run: 5.  No, seriously.  5.  5 god damn miles.  Unfortunately, the stress of life just got to me this week, and i barely have the strength to nap.

Somehow pictures of this jerk sleeping are always appropriate.

Martinis:  0.  You know there is a HUGE problem when i am too tired to drink.  I am proposing a hypothesis that more martinis = more miles.  I am buying vodka TONIGHT.

Strength training: obviously also a zero.

Overall outlook:  Bleak.  Very bleak.  Basically, i have this week to get my shit together, or i might have to bump down to a half marathon come April.  

Plan of Action:  
1. Like all of my plans, this one is half baked.  First and foremost, I am calling it for the advanced training plan.  I tried.  I failed.  I will re-attempt this summer.  It's not in the stars for me right now, and the past seven weeks have shown me that it's going to kill me.  I never said i was good at this.  Hello, intermediate training, you old so-and-so!

2. Sadly, my personal drama has carried into this week.  I have to make a major decision about my job this week.  This is stressing me out to no end.  I actually have hives all over my body from the level of stress its bringing me.  I can't make decisions.  It takes me an hour every morning just to figure out what to wear, and i don't even have that many clothes.  I am hoping to have all major life plans finalized by Friday though.  So there is a dream of a return to normalcy.

3. Re-engage.  I have been completely isolating myself from everyone lately.  I seriously need to stop that shit.  I was venting to my mom a couple days ago about how i didn't know what to do.  Her advice was to check my horoscope.  Naturally.  Either way, it said that only my friends can guide me through separating the good and the bad.  So priority number one is acquire friends!

In other news, i have been working on a trends piece for work, and in doing so, i came across an article that really resonated.  It said the 34% of millenials (ages 22-34ish) can't deal with the pressure of day-to-day life.  That seems really high!  A third of us can't deal with life??  I mean, i totally am part of that 34%, as we have all witnessed over the past week, but geez, are there people out there as crazy and stressed as me?  If so, i pity you.

In short, I am about to go all Jillian Michael's on this week.  It's my last chance at a spring marathon!

Are you part of the 34%?  
Do you leave major life decisions up to horoscopes?  Especially really lame ones like Yahoo Horoscopes that instructed me to "throw a party to take my mind off things?"  (f*** you, yahoo horoscopes!  You're advice is total malarky!) 

A week of fretting.

Are you a fretter? 

Synonyms 
1. fume, rage. 6. worry, harass, goad, tease. 7. erode, gnaw, corrode, abrade, grind, rub, rust. 10.harassment, agitation, worry.

When i start to worry about something, it takes over my life.  I've been this way every since i was a little, and as a 6 year old, i would express concern over the way my parents were managing the household.  I was that kid.  Some people have perfected the art of "going with the flow" but not me.

Neither the weather or I can get our shit together this week....

I might be looking at some major changes on the horizon, (or maybe i won't? I'm just fretting after all!)  But regardless, worrying about potential change is eating at my insides.  And any possibility for change in my routine has my whole week out of sorts.  Normally i have all my meals prepared so i can just grab them and go, my running bag is packed, my blog posts are typed.  This week?  No.  I am running in wool socks and eating stale jelly beans for breakfast.

What is the most horrible feeling your feet have ever experienced?  Because until you try running on a treadmill in thick wool walking socks, you do not know pain....

As i was running out my door this morning, late, disheveled, and shooting reddi-wip into my mouth justifying it as breakfast (it's like the cousin of yogurt, right??) It occurred to me that i might not be the only one who falls apart in the face of change.

So, before my car keys end up in the freezer, and my feet end up chafing down to the bone, Do you also worry needlessly??  How do you snap yourself out of it?

Holy crap, strength training is hard.

As a part of my attempt to fully commit to marathon training, i am forcing myself to do strength training.  Or something like it at least.  A couple people i work with have at various points attempted to do P90x in our basement gym.  It usually fizzles out due to work pressures, but they have recommitted fot the new year and dragged me down with them talked me into it.

Obviously, i can't fully commit to the p90x schedule because it involves working out 6 days a week, and i can't do that AND keep up with marathon training (and my job, and my life).  But, i am going to try to do it a couple times a week, and hey - how bad can it be, right?

OMFG, IT'S SO HARD!!!!!!

Seriously, let's casually do 30 push-ups in a minute?  followed by 30 more in an even harder positing?  And then lets do it with our feet on chair?  IN WHAT WORLD, P90X?????

We played the dvd on a laptop, because we are SO classy.

And then, when your body is about to break, lets do the whole damn thing ONE MORE TIME!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, i knocked out about 5 solid push-ups, and spent the rest of the time on the floor in the fetal position, whimpering, and rolling around because my noodle arms no longer functioned enough to pick myself up.

I can't even explain how bad it had to be for me to be laying on that disgusting carpeted floor.  I snapped this photo, but i was actually trying to dial 9-1-1.

I woke up this morning and i felt like I was in some kind of horrific accident.  And i am fairly certain i bruised a rib.  How does one bruise a rib during an arm work out, you ask?  Probably by rolling around on the floor crying like a giant baby.

Needless to say, this crap is really, really hard.  But, the fact that i ran four marathons last year and can't do 5 push-ups kind of makes me look like a jack-ass, and i am committed to changing that.  Some day, 10 push-ups, SOME DAY!!!

In all seriousness though, it's fun to do with other people around.  I would have some serious motivation issues if i was trying to do this all by myself.  The video is cheesy, and laughing about it with your friends makes this torture video almost enjoyable. 

<3 Bustedfoxxx

Tempo Tantrum

Well, for the second week in a row, my attempt at speed training was ugly and terrible.  Only this time it literally tried to kill me.  

My thought was to have a warm up mile, two miles at tempo pace (whatever that is...a tempo pace for me is a normal pace for most people) and a mile cool down.  Instead, i was a 1 mile warm up, about 1.5 mile tempo, asthma attack, and a half mile walk.  Having an asthma attack is kinda the worst thing ever.  You're running along, looking cool (well not me, but some people) and then all of a sudden it's like someone turned off the oxygen.  You breathe in, but you don't get any air.  And then if you're me (be grateful you aren't), you panic and make everything ten times worse.

It's like nature doesn't want me to improve at running.  My legs felt fine, my brain felt fine, but my lungs were like "awwww HELLLLL no.  we're done here."  So apparently, speed is just not my thing.

Regardless, the experience left me with two pieces of core knowledge:

1.  I have no idea what i am doing.

2. My asthma is kinda outta control this winter.  

Obviously, i need to stop being a doofus and have my inhaler on me at all times, no matter how bulky and #runnerdy it makes me look.  But the speed training is a mystery to me.  And i can't be doing it right if it is ending in an asthma attack.  All the guides say things like run your 5k pace for half a mile!  run your 10k pace for 2 miles!  seriously?  My pace for any distance is don't die or look like you're dying.  I don't have a set pace for ANY distance.  I ran one 10k last year, and it was 95 degrees, and i think my pace ended up being like 9:50/mile.  Is that my 10k pace then?

Why is speed training so mysterious?  perhaps i'll never know or understand how to speed train.  I will spend my life and my fortune (ha) desperately searching for the answers, much like the people still investigating the disappearance of Amelia Earhart (spoiler: she crashed the f***ing plane. But seriously, why are we still spending money to investigate this one??)

Or maybe someone will be able to dumb it down enough for me to understand through stick figures and smiley faces.  Either way.  It's hard and exhausting and confusing.  But i suppose it's supposed to be that way....

What am i complaining about?  At least I'm not Lance Armstrong.... 

Suck it, Lance Armstrong.

Things we take for granted.

There will be no first world problems this week, because even though they are presented each week solely for the purpose of trying to make just one person somewhere laugh (usually me...), it's really hard to complain about spilling my lunch, finding an apple from two months ago under my car seat, and waffles' pooping shenanigans when there are much more serious problems in the world.

I am not going talk about the horrors of past week, instead, i want us all to focus on the little every day things we take for granted.

Like thumbs.

I don't know why, but i had the worst craving for a bagel with lox last night. Probably resulting from my attempt to disrupt an ugly sweater contest last week by pawning off an ugly blue sweater as a Hanukkah sweater.  (the link leads to Maggie's blog which has photos of me AND my competition!)

Either way, I have been so frantic at work lately that i accidentally bought unsliced bagels.  Big mistake.  While trying to slice that baby, i somehow missed the bagel and went right into my thumb.  It was deep too!  Luckily, the bone/nail stopped the knife before i actually severed the thumb - otherwise i would have to change the blog to "nine-fingered runner!"

Obviously, a serious cut produces a lot of blood, but luckily, both Matt and I have degrees that forced us to spend a LOT of time in the wood shop.  (i.e., i have seen way too many kids slice off fingers with a bandsaw.  It really happens more often than you think!)  It's really hard to stitch fingers, so usually even if you go to the ER, they will just super glue the wound together and let nature do it's thing.  Sadly, we were fresh out of super glue, so we taped it shut until i got to work this morning, field medic style.

Did you know you use your thumbs for EVERYTHING?  I couldn't even get my pants zipped up!  (and not just because of my rapidly expanding waistline!)  It has taken me like three hours to write this! Seriously thumb, i am VERY sorry for taking you for granted.  You do a lot.  

When my coworker came in today, he was nice enough to glue my thumb shut for me.  Now that is a good friend.  It almost looks normal....

Anyway, the moral of the story is, thumbs are really important, be careful when slicing food, super glue is way cheaper than stitches and just as effective, and pre-sliced bagels are TOTALLY WORTH THE MONEY!

Take the time to appreciate your body today - it puts up with a lot!

That weekend i was sicker than waffles.

With less than 5 days before I board a plane to Emerald Isle, it would appear that i have some sort of stomach flu disaster going on.  It started Friday, when my breakfast sat in my stomach like a rock, causing me to pick at all my other meals, and feel very "off".  Then I woke up Saturday morning around 5:30 to head up to Lake Geneva, and it hit me - I was about to be very sick.  I spent all morning throwing up until i eventually fell asleep, and have felt like a hot mess ever sense.  This must be how poor wafflito felt, only i don't see HER feeding ME organic boiled chicken.  (Although i am getting nauseous at just the thought.)  Needless to say, I missed cheering at great lakes, I missed the chance to order a pizza with all the toppings only I like because Matt was out of town, I missed all social invites for the weekend, and I missed some of my last training runs before Dublin.  I am not a happy camper right now, and i am dreading the thought of going abroad while sick.  I was hoping it was a weekend deal, but i am still not feeling much better this morning. 

If you need me, I'll be in frowntown.  

Also congrats to all the ladies who ran Zooma this weekend - I was really bummed to have missed it (I even made a sign at work!)- I made it all the way to my car and promptly threw up next to it.  I'm so cool.

Go with the flow: My Chicago Marathon recap

The expo: HOLY CRAP I MET DESI DAVILA.

She is so tiny! And seriously the nicest person ever.  She even laughed at my jokes!  (Obviously out of pity)  I am so excited for her to kick butt at Boston 2013.  Talk about someone who works hard to be the best.  If i could muster 10% of her motivation, i would be a much better runner.  Special thanks to the Brooks team and Maggie who was able to make this happen via her amazing PR skills.  

This entire weekend was really rough for me.  As someone who actually has an anxiety disorder, things like crowds of people are a huge trigger to me.  The stress of getting to the expo, fear of missing Desi, and ending up lost in McCormick place had me practically in tears by the time i met up with these awesome ladies.  

We went on a shake out fun run with the brooks team, and it was just what i needed to help balance myself again.  I left the expo feeling much calmer and happier.  And i had a bag full of snacks - always a win.

Race weekend:  I had already mentioned Matt had invited his friends to stay with us that weekend, which was not really the best situation for zen-like marathon prep.  I got very little sleep, and spent too  much time on my feet.  They brought their Husky "Stark" to play with waffles, and as stressful and anxiety-filled as my weekend was, i think Waffles had it worse...

The Race: Did not go as planned.  I ended up going with plan C and i cried twice on the course, but also, it sort of became my party.  The first half of the race went pretty smoothly, and i felt good, although the weekend dog party left me with a runny nose and allergies.  The weather was perfect - cool, cloudy, with just enough sun to warm you up every once in a while.  I struggled alot with the sheer amount of people, and got very panicky at water stations, where people tended to "swarm".  Everytime i felt like the race was just too much for me, someone would yell my name, tell me i was doing great, and cheer for me.  
It also helped seeing Amanda, Emily, Cary, David, Keren, and Kelly at various points throughout the day.
The support for this race is indescribable.  I won't even try to put it into words.

Around mile 15-16, i got a terrible cramp/side-stitch on my left side.  It hurt so bad.  I am not prone to them, so i have no idea what caused it, or what to do to make it go away.  So naturally i limp along the side and cry.  A stranger actually put his arm around me and said "we're all stupid.  Lets try to run a little."  People can be so amazing.  I was able to run half mile increments, and then would stop to try and massage the cramp, which was spasming at this point.  In hindsight, i am 90% sure i made the cramp worse, as it still hurts today, and is all bruised from my inability to massage anything.  Aaron was with me at this point, and i felt bad because i was supposed to set an example, and motivate him, but holy crap, this hurt so bad.  I can honestly say this race hurt more than rockford and sunburst combined.  I started crying again at mile 19, because i just felt so hopeless.  Matt and a few friends were at the bar Simones waiting to cheer us on, and i promised myself i would take a break there.  My time was already out the window, so i was going to try and at least salvage this to be an enjoyable experience.  

I was so happy to spot Matt! I took a break at Simone's, enjoyed a bloody mary, and got a pep talk from my friends.  

When life hands you lemons, all you can do is just say screw this, I'm gonna have a good time no matter how painful it is.  The cramp stuck with me until mile 23.  That, or maybe the bloody mary kicked in and i was too drunk to feel it anymore.  I found that taking a minute break every half mile and trying to stretch out the cramp was all i could do, and i managed.  It's still disappointing though, because otherwise this would have been a great race for me.  I ended up finishing with a 4:46, which is 16 minutes off what i should have done.  But i also stopped for a bloody mary and about 30 walk breaks.  This was really a hard race for me, physically and mentally.  If it had been a solo training run, i would have quit when the cramp hit.  I was overwhelmed by the crowds, in both a good and a bad way.  And i heard gangnam style no less than 4 times, which was awesome. The last six miles, i just kept thinking of hot dog cat.  Aaron was able to finish 20 minutes later, despite severely under training for this race.  He is suffering for it now though.

Post race: as usual, i am pretty lucky when it comes to post race aches and pains.  I am a little sore, but nothing major. As i said though, my side is killing me, mostly from my mangling it trying to fix the cramp.  Aaron and i had an ice bath post race, which can be summed up in these photos:

I think aaron cried.

Chicago is really an amazing race!  I am torn between whether or not to do it next year.  Its an unbelievable experience, but also very hard for anyone with anxiety.  So many people.  It was a struggle to stay calm.

Looking forward: I was hoping this race would be a confidence boost for Dublin.  It was not.  I am now more terrified than ever.  My focus the next couple weeks is recovery - I think my body is feeling a little burned out right now, and is ready for a break.  I am going to try and heal it as much as i can in the next 20 days, and have promised it a nice winter break before i start training again in January.  

I am bummed that my race didn't go as planned, but i don't even have time to be sad, because i am way too busy overflowing with joy and pride for all my friends who ran Chicago yesterday, especially the first timers.  If someone was gonna have a bad race, i am glad it was me, because you all worked so hard, and deserved the best race possible.  Reading your stories inspires me, and encourages me to leave it all out there in Dublin.  Let taper number 2 begin!

Shit happens.

No, seriously.

A bird pooped on me last night.  I was just going for a nice and relaxing run on the trail by my office, and all of sudden, i feel something on my arm.  Low and behold, its POOP.  The poopatrater didn't stick around either, denying me any retaliation. 

Naturally i did what any reasonable headed person would do, and i moved to the side of the trail to calmly clean up the mess and deal with the situation.  
I'm just kidding, i started screaming and maniacally ran around looking for something to get the poop off with.  I grabbed some leaves to try and wipe it off, but not only were the leaves i grabbed wet, moldy, and bug infested, but they also just smeared the poop around rather than remove it.  They also contaminated my skin with about 10 million germs, and possibly leprosy.  All this is in addition to the fact that i am covered in poop.  And i am in the middle of a trail, at least a mile from my car, but i have no choice but to persevere and run back to my car, covered in poop and leprosy.  And maybe the bubonic plague.

By the time i got back to my car, the poop remnants had been permeating my skin for about 15 minutes, and had stained my arm!  WHAT THE HELL are these birds eating???  Not keeping a soap ration in my car (a FWP that has now been remedied) I was left with no choice but to get in my car and drive home with poop on my arm.  I got home and retold the heartbreaking tale to Matt, who laughed in my face.

He also snapped this picture of the poop stain:

It doesn't look like much (actually, it looks like a bruise) But this is also after being wiped off!  It's like that birds poop tattooed my arm.

The moral of the story is that I hate everything.

that weekend where too much happened.

SATURDAY:

my third year pouring beers with Becca!

I was a volunteer beer vendor at the hideout block party on Saturday morning.  I do this every year, because they let me drink unlimited beer, i get to hang out with my friends, i get free entry to the block party (which had headliners Iron and wine and Wilco this year!) and the girl pouring the beer is the most popular girl at the event.  Beer servers have all the power, and it brings me one step closer to world domination.

I had to limit myself to one beer though, because of my Sunday 20-miler.  It was very sad.

After being at the block party all morning/afternoon, Matt picked me up and we headed down to RiotFest!!  We caught the very end of slapstick's set, and got to watch the Dropkick Murphys and the Descendants.  15 year old Sara was very happy.

Despite all of this, i still managed to make it home and in bed at a reasonable hour.  (although being on my feet the entire day was probably not the best idea.)

SUNDAY:

Sunday morning i was participating in the Newton Ready to Run 20-miler. For non Chicagoans, This is  an event created by the Chicago Area Runners Association, and is used as "test run" for the marathon.  I actually really love this idea.  My biggest complaint about the training this summer is that because the groups are massive, every water stop takes 5-10 minutes.  That's bananas.  You will not stop for 10 minutes in a marathon.  So this run is set up with a start line, finish line, and water stops just like the race, so you can actually get a sense of what you will do on race day.  I still chose a 10:30 pace because it seemed like a smart move for me.  It is, still, just a training run.  Now, bear with me, as i have a few criticisms of the run.  I'm not trying to be a bitch, i really enjoyed the way this was set up, and i would recommend it to anyone, and would totally do this again.  These are just some helpful observances.

1.  I have never seen so many people that are completely unprepared to run 20 miles try to run 20 miles in my life.  This was terrifying.  It is an open event (not just CARA members) so i think something like 3500 people "ran" this.  I use quotations because so many people were walking by mile 10!  Seriously?  If you are walking by mile 10, you should seriously rethink running the marathon.  I am not trying to be a bitch, this is coming from a place of legitimate concern....if you haven't trained, you are putting yourself at risk.  One girl that started with my pace group had to fall back before we hit mile one.  People were still on the course 5.5 hours after the start.  This concerns me.....

2.  A lot of the pace groups were off.  Like, way off.  My goal for this run was to run twenty miles at a 10:30 pace.  That includes water, bathroom, walk breaks, anything.  In general, i just assumed that we would obviously lose time at the water stops (always a clusterf*ck, thats just a given) and we would speed up a little to balance it.  This didn't happen.  After the second water stop, I had to leave my group because they were no where near the pace, and i have specific goals i need to meet. I ended up running most of this run alone, passing through a variety of pace groups, that were not on pace.  At  mile 17, i ran into my friend Brittany, whom i met through winter training. I was so happy to see her, and those last three miles were by far the easiest, because i had her to talk to.  I eventually saw the group i started with when i was getting on the bus to leave.  Their average pace had been 11:30, and by the time they finished, they had run out of beer.  If i had stayed with them, i would have ended up going on rampage because there was no beer.  In short, don't rely on a pace group if you have specific goals other than "just finish".  My run was super lonely, but i was right on pace.

3.  I am injured.  This is actually no ones fault, but i am totally blaming anything and everything i can because i am pissed off and not dealing with it very well.  About half way through the 20-miler, i started having pain right above my achilles on my left leg, just below the calf.  By the time i finished the run and sat down to stretch, it felt rock hard, and was throbbing in pain.  When i got home, i couldn't even walk up the stairs to my apartment.  So i crawled.  Up three flights of stairs.  I got inside and was in tears.  I have pretty high pain tolerance, but this was awful.  Matt carried me to the couch and we iced it.  Then i took some pain killers, and rubbed numbing gel on the area. Then i had to sit through puppy class.  I just sat there the whole time with my leg propped up, while waffles misbehaved.  We took her home, and went back to riotfest so that i could see the Jesus and Mary chain.  This was a horrible idea, and i admit it.  But i had been waiting for months to see them.  I stood on one leg the whole time, leaning on Matt.  Luckily, the painkillers and beer seemed to help.

After that we grabbed some dinner with friends, and went home so i could ice my leg some more.

When i woke up today, it still hurt, but not as bad. Walking is ok, but stairs are very painful.  I am hoping it was just a strained muscle, and a few days rest will help.  I am trying to keep the thoughts of not being able to run either marathon out of my head, but it was all i dreamt about last night.   I am so grouchy because it just started out of nowhere, without any (perceived by me) warning. 20 days before the marathon.  I am trying to stay positive and look on the bright side, but it is definitely a struggle right now.  

The Hardest Week.

23 days.  23 days.  23 days.

I knew this would be the hardest week of marathon training, but now that its here, i can confirm:

This is the hardest week of marathon training.

I don't know what it is, but it psychs me out.  I have been dreading it for a month now!  Every run seems so long, and arduous, and exhausting.  I just want to call in sick to work, and sleep all day long.  Everyone talks about how terrible taper madness is, but for me, this week (super high mileage week) is much worse.  BUT, surviving this week is good practice for surviving the marathon.  Provided i don't fall asleep in traffic or murder anyone at work.  It's like i need some kind of magic super woman energy drink....

It's not even that the mileage itself scares me - its the time involved in scheduling this much mileage into an already packed week!  This is always the week where i hate people who literally have nothing to do other than just run.  I also despise super fast people, because they finish their runs twice as fast as me, allowing them more time for laundry, dog-walking, and food preparation.  Why don't you share the wealth and come do some of MY laundry with all of your free time?? You suck, fast leisurely people.  

Obviously, i am totally kidding.  But i am really tired and "overwhelmed" feeling - like i am sure all of us are who plan on running the Chicago Marathon in 23 days. And i am reminding myself how much harder it would be with kids.  When i got home last night, i seriously gave waffles a chew toy and told her to leave me alone for the night (not that she did anyway) so i could catch up on domestic tasks.  I am 90% sure you can't do that with kids.  Although maybe you can.  Thank god i don't have kids....

In other news, i finally went and bought the oreos!

They are delicious, in case you were concerned.

I had to go to Target anyway because i had to pick up some baking ingredients, because some how, i am in charge of throwing a surprise bridal shower for our receptionist this week (why anyone would put me in charge of this task is beyond me).  I am making cupcakes tonight, and i made truffles last night...

i wish.

I love these little truffles, because they taste amazing, and are really easy to make - therefore making me look way more awesome and together than i am.  They are a must for when you get caught needing to provide treats during high mileage week.

In times of need, refined sugar will always be there for you.  Always.
Hang in there, everyone!

Miracles can happen!

And they do.  Every day!

Apparently, i need to make a trip to target.
I have nothing much to say, other than that my goal race is this Sunday, and i have had such a hectic week that i have only run 5 very sad miles, and i actually had this for breakfast yesterday:

Candy Corn and diet coke - the breakfast of champions

Technically, it was the gourmet halloween candy mix, because i am a classy bitch.

Either way, i am obviously in no way prepared to give a PR performance on Sunday.  But thats ok, because i know a lot of you ARE.  And i encourage you swing by the HDSA tent in the Charity Village at the Chicago Half Marathon this Sunday either before or after you PR.  Just be prepared to wait if you want to see me, as i will probably be taking 3 hours to finish this dang thing in the condition i am in.  We are smack dab in the middle of the charity row! (booth number 18)

Hope to see you there, and good luck to all the people running it this weekend who haven't spent the week not sleeping or running, and only eating candy corn!