Weekend Warrioring

First off, have you entered my giveaway?  Because you should – it ends tonight!

Secondly,  I just wanted to recap my adventurous weekend!  I forced myself to leave the safety of my troll bridge not once, but twice this weekend.  I met up with Bobbi to explore a new trail in Deer Grove.  I was impressed by how big it was, and pleased with the variety of terrain.  There were single track forest trails, as well as a giant paved bike path.  The transition was slightly awkward though, because you leave the cave-like safety of the trees very suddenly, and are spit onto a very open prairie like bike path.  It’s about as close to being on the Serengeti as I’m ever going to get (I think??)  We didn’t start out with a specific mileage in mind, but we ended up lost repeatedly, and made our way back to our cars almost 11 miles later.  I really think Bobbi and I should go on a road trip sometime, just to see what happens. 

So, Deer Grove is awesome, but bring a compass, or a trail of bread crumbs or something, because all the trail markers are labeled black.  That or I have gone color blind.

This map is useless.  They all say black.  Seriously.

Secondly, I bribed some of my friends to come all the way out to the suburbs for the All Night Flea Market!  I didn’t mention it on here, because I had never been, and I would hate to tell people to go do something and then it turns out to be horrible.  People would be like – don’t listen to Gingerfoxxx, she has the WORST ideas.  (wait a minute – people already say that!)

Luckily, it turned out to be awesome.  I mean, being drunk and haggling over fiestaware at two am while Hacksaw Jim Duggan signs autographs in the background, awesome.  I didn’t end up buying anything this time, but there is another one in October.  Plus, it’s a great excuse to get some use out of those headlamps that are stored away with our winter running gear!  (seriously, everyone was super prepared and wearing head lamps!

Matt met Chewbacca - look at the wonder in his eyes!

That was a lot of interaction for me for one day, so I spent most of Sunday binge-watching “Orange is the New Black” and it was divine.  Laura Prepon is a revelation.  And Kate Mulgrew ain’t bad either!

No seriously, it is.

I'm just really glad to have interacted with other human beings this weekend.  And to run with someone that isn't Matt or Waffles!  (no offense guys)  

Have you seen Orange is the New Black?

Career girl - and a giveaway!!

If you have actually followed my blog for a while (first off, i am so sorry!) but secondly - you might have picked up on the fact that i am a "career gal"  I spent way too many years in school, and have spent most of my twenties advancing my career, rather than getting married, having kids, and creating a home like most normal people.  For the most part, this has left me feeling all mopey now that i am 30, because i sit here some nights and wonder what the hell i have accomplished.

Well:  Boom.

This is what i have accomplished, bitches!

For those of you who don't know what the f*** i am talking about:

I am an industrial designer.  It's a hybrid of being an engineer, and an artist/innovator.  After teaching for a while, and receiving my master's degree in industrial design, i spent about three years at a consultancy.  This allowed me to work with a ton of different clients - i put in crazy hours, and got paid crap, but i made a ton of contacts and got some awesome products made, including the Turtle Wax Ice line (i designed all the bottles!) Some beverages in Asia, a variety of domestic food packaging, and: an entire line of sports hydration bottles!!

I have since moved forward with my career to a job that is much more stable/less stressful.  Now i am strictly in food packaging which focuses on high volume production/manufacturing.  It's a super boring way of saying that i spend all my time making sure that the food you buy everyday is safe (seriously, i fight many battles to make sure companies aren't using dangerous plastics on your food.) and that any packaging made is as environmentally friendly as possible (i could write a novel on this - if you ever want to have a seriously intense convo on sustainability - i'm your girl!)

What i am trying to say is that i have worked really, really hard for the past decade.  I am in a male dominated engineering field, and today, i am bragging about my awesome accomplishments.  I might suck at everything - but i kick ass at design.

And - to celebrate this, i am having a giveaway!  Not just any giveaway - a Gingerfoxxx designed giveaway!

During my adventures in industrial design, i got to work with a company that creates bottles/hydration packs for runners. Now, i can't take full credit - I had nothing to do with the fabric straps on the belts/handhelds - we focused on the closures and bottles.  And, i would have been lost without my partner in crime, Jim S.  But, i am super excited none the less - it's a pretty amazing feeling when you walk down an aisle of store, and can say, "Hey - I designed that!"

So, to celebrate, i am giving away the 32oz Bigshot Bottle and the 10oz quickshot plus handheld to one lucky commenter!  (I didn't name the products....)  All you have to do is comment on something you have done lately that is totally brag-worthy!  For an extra entry - share this giveaway either through your blog, twitter, facebook, i really don't f***ing care - just leave a comment telling me about it.  

I like hosting my own giveaways.  It's fun!  You have until Tuesday at midnight - go crazy!

problems specifically related to being in the first world.

1.  Matt is on a diet.  I don't think that he needs to be, but i am sick of him whining and pinching his stomach while staring into the mirror saying "I'm soooo fattttttt" like a teenage girl.  It's the worst.

2.  In order to show my love and support, I had to order a scale.  And not just any scale – the mega ultimate supreme holy grail of scales.  We have previously never owned a scale because I feel like men rarely buy those things, and I personally don’t care to know how much I weigh.  As long as my pants fit (and I will not think twice before i slather my legs in Crisco and wedge myself into those babies) we’re good to go.  This one measures fat, muscle, bone, the whole nine yards.  Did you know that 4.8% of me is bone*?  The more you know.

*bad to the bone! lol

Look how happy she is!  Dieting is fun, Matt!

3. Knowing how much you weigh is actually horrifying and sad.  Who knew??  No wonder my car has been getting shitty gas mileage!  I might have to stick the new scale in the garage and forget about it. 

4. As part of this diet, Matt has been googling calorie amounts in things.  Can I please advise everyone right now that this is THE WORST IDEA EVER.  Somehow, he was convinced that a serving of chickpeas has 800 calories, which fyi – is totally crazy.  He accused the super healthy salad I made him of having more calories than a big mac extra value meal, and an epic battle ensued. 

5.  On the other end of the spectrum, little Waffles, has been on a weight gain diet since the day she was born.  She has always had a hard time keeping weight on, and is a finicky eater on top of that.  She really seems to like the laid-back suburban life though, as she has been eating voraciously since we moved, and has put on almost a pound! Sadly, her voraciousness is not just for food, and she is acting like a puppy again, and tasting anything she can fit her mouth around including (but not limited to): dryer lint, dryer sheets, cardboard, a cactus, clean socks, dirty socks, ants, moths, grass, and people’s newspapers.

Fiber for the win?

6. My back is already feeling better thanks to heat packs, advil, and martinis.  The only time it bothers me is when I try to bend down.  Could someone please zip up my shoes for me?

7. What is with this weather??  I actually had to use the heat in my car this morning!  I will obviously complain about any weather that is handed to me!  I also have this space heater at work that I am being forced to operate with my feet because of my lack of bendability.

8. I had to pull out of the North Country Run, and I am very sad about it.  They were unable to switch me to the half, and don’t feel confident in my abilities to run a full marathon right now.  My problems can’t always be funny.  Sorry I’m not sorry.

9. Part of me wanted to attempt the marathon anyway, because that’s what I do, but my worst nightmare would be trying to find the right combo/dose of anxiety meds and running a marathon at the same time.  Marathons are hard enough with additional chemical factors trying to make you vomit, cry, not sleep for days in advance, and/or lash out unreasonably at everything around you.  Nature deserves better than that, my friends.

10. Totally related to nothing, but Matt accidentally broke my Le Crueset pie dish. This is why I can’t have nice things. woe is me.  Seriously, woe.

On a side note, thanks for sticking around.  My brain is still trying to regroup, so i fully acknowledge that half of what i write is garbage, and the other half is misspelled.  It will get better.  Or it won't.  Why are you still here anyway????

Welcome to the danger zone.

So, a weird thing happened last night – I threw my back out!  I suppose in the grand scheme of things its not that strange, but here are some things that seemed off about the whole thing:

1.        I’m only 30!  And someone told me 30 is the new 20 (lies.  I told myself that.) But seriously, I’m not “throw your back out” old yet.
2.         I’m a model of physical fitness! (LOLOLOLOLOLZZZZ) Ok, but in all seriousness, I am a reasonably fit human being that exercises regularly, and maintains a reasonable weight.
3.        I generally avoid heavy lifting, or even light lifting.  Picking up objects and moving them is so 2012.
4.        I have never really had back problems before.

*** I think I can still run, so don't cry for me.  But sitting on my couch drinking Martinis makes the pain worse (unless I drink lots of Martinis!) so maybe have a cocktail for me?

I suppose it’s possible that I just randomly threw my back out.  BUT, here’s the kicker – the two guys I share a work space with (that are the same age as me) have also thrown out their backs in the past few months!  I suppose it could just be karma getting me back for making fun of them for being old and out of shape (Damn my sass-mouth!!!)

The torture chamber.

So, we had a pow-wow this morning at work, and determined we have crappy desk furniture, because three young healthy people should not hurt their backs in such a short amount of time.  (if ever.)  Luckily, my back pain seems minor (compared to what they went through) and I don’t foresee physical therapy or anything drastic in my future.  As a means of getting better equipment, we came up with the plan to demand radical and expensive change that would naturally be shot down, (for example lunch time personal massages and a zen meditation garden) in hopes that the compromise could be new chairs.

Obviously, given the choice, I would have never had a “desk job.”  I would be much more suited to be like a forest park ranger, or a circus acrobat (fun gingerfoxxx fact:  My ancestors were circus trapeze artists!  The more you know.)  Despite the fact that I like what I do, and I seem well suited for it, my biggest regret is that I spend so much time sitting.  And no matter how many lunch break adventures or walking breaks I take, I still sit hunched over a computer for 8 9 hours a day. 

Have you ever demanded upgraded tools for your job?  Do you have an interesting way to move/keep active during the work day?

Is your job also trying to kill you???

Not everything can be sunshine and olive gardens.

A very special Friday First World Problems – suburban edition.

1.        After some of my epic fights with Comcast, I never thought there could be a more terrible utility service.  Until I met Republic Services.   I totally lost my cool and left this message in their “file a complaint box”:

Republic Services has the worst customer service of any company i have encountered. 50% of the time when i call, i am transfered to an overflow service that promises someone will contact me, which they never do. I have used the contact me email form four times, and never once been contacted. Based on how impossible it is to ever speak with anyone that works at Republic Services, I am deeply concerned that no one actually works there, and you are simply a bunch of robots. I don't even know why i am filling this out, because no one will ever read it. 00111100101000101000100. (Binary code. Because you are robots.) 

I am pretty sure they will never ever pick up my garbage again, and it’s getting stinky.  Why can’t I control my sass???



But i shall win the war.



2.        Why are there SO MANY AUTOZONES??  It’s orange and black striped façade is an assault on my senses.  They are worse than starbucks out here!

3.       Because of autozone epidemic, I convinced Matt to wash my car, which only brought an onslaught of judgement as to why there were so many twizzlers under the driver’s seat.  OBVIOUSLY, I did not know they were there, because I would have eaten them. 

(also, 4 twizzlers is NOT that many, and is totally within the limit of reasonable candy deposits that can appear in hard to reach places.)

4.       Matt also threw away all my McDonalds monopoly pieces that were strategically placed in my cupholder.  It’s not like I was going to win or anything, but one of them was good for a free french fry!  People are starving, and he is literally throwing away meal tickets.  For shame. #FirstWorldTRAGEDY.

Try again!

5.       The twilight bark is totally a thing, and waffles sets it off every. Freaking. Day.  Despite the fact that basenji’s are a barkless breed, she prances around jingling and giving the silent stink-eye, which causes the neighbor dog to bark at her.  Then the dogs next to them start barking.  And so on and so forth until the entire block is barking for no reason.

It's 6am - initiate the bark!

6.       Portillos “veggie hot dog” is just a bun with a f***ing pickle and some tomato on it.  I was duped!

RAGE!

7.       When Waffles sleeps, she dreams that she is cha cha cat.  Dream on Waffles, life isn’t that easy.







If i only try harder!  I could be an internet meme!



  

   8.       WHYYYYYY????????  You fail, home depot….

Rave (suburban) runs

Before i go all sass-mouth on the suburbs, i figured i would highlight some of its redeeming qualities.
The main being, there are a shit ton of places to run.

When a runner moves to Chicago, and they are like, "hey - where do people run around here?" the unubiquitous answer is the lakefront path.  Its the place to be.  It's a little more complicated out here because there is not a "go to" spot where all the runners go.  Instead, there are a variety of places, all offering different things for a runners needs.  SO, since i wish there had been a "running in the suburbs for dummys" guide, i am just going to make one myself.

First up is Meacham Woods!

Meacham Woods is technically in Bloomingdale, and meets up with the North Central Dupage Regional trail.  Matt chose this as his favorite, and while i wouldn't call it the best, i do like it.

PROS: 

• There are a couple nice limestone loops that are fairly wide.  These go around a lake though, and have no shade cover, so think about that unless you want to end up a little fried crisp, like i did.  
• If you want to go off-roading, there are two wooded areas with tons of bike trails.  Just be careful, as they are not marked, and you can easily end up lost and going in a circle for an hour.  (guilty.)
• There is a giant hill.  It is covered in runners single track trails, because obviously, a runner must run up a hill.  Over and over.  It also has great views.
• Like all the Dupage forest trails, its really quiet.  You will see a couple people, but not many.  
• Because its nature, there are wild raspberries growing everywhere, and YOU CAN EAT THEM.  Who needs GU when there are BERRIES.

CONS:

• The only bathroom is a porta-potty.  gag. 
• It's not huge, so if you are looking to run more than 6 miles, be ready to retrace your steps.
• There is just one water fountain, and maybe two garbage cans on the trail.  This one is a big deal to me because i have running with waffles, who poops once a mile, so even on a three mile run, i can be carrying three bags of poop, which really sucks.  And, i know i could use the same poop bag  (but thats gross) or just leave the poop (but thats gross. and illegal!) or just stop feeding her so much (who poops that much??)
• There is a giant hill.  Seriously, i almost threw up on it.
• Apparently, there is a "unidentified wild feline" roaming the woods.  Here is the picture they released, so judge for yourself

Seriously?  maybe my eyes are going bad, but that looks like nothing to me.  And, based on the size of the trees there, i feel like that is just an obese house cat at best.  Either way, i am on a mission to find it.  
You've been warned.

So check out Meacham Woods!  (but don't go when i go, because its mine.  ALL MINE!)


unubiquitous answer is

Proud Mary.

An antecdote, in case my troubles bummed you out.

1. It should be said that i love my mom, and wish no harm to come to her.
2. But if harm must come, it should at least be entertaining

(also, her name is Mary - Mary-Sue, fyi. That and i recently watched the Ike & Tina story the other night when i couldn't sleep.  I digress.)

*My mom totally approves the retelling of this story.

Last spring, my mom adopted a dog against my advice.  Not that i didn't want her to get a dog (although she already has a herd of cats) But she really wanted a husky, which is a high energy breed, and she is somewhat of a couch potato, and she is only 4'10" (way too small to manage a giant dog!).  Her reasoning is that the dog would make her get more exercise and lose weight.  My reasoning that the dog would end up getting fat and eating a bunch of pillows.  As it turns out, my mom now has a fat husky mix that likes to eat pillows, but thats ok, because they really seem to love each other.

Banner, the husky mix!

So, My mom will walk Banner along the bike path in nice weather, which runs along the charmingly polluted rock river (seen in photo).  

This past weekend, my mom agreed to meet up for a "first-dates of sorts" on this bike path.  My mom has not really dated, and i am fairly certain she does not ever want to get remarried.  But every once in a while she will go on a few dates, realize dating is awful, and then swear it off for life again.  This was one of those times.

So, she met this blind date for a walk along the river with her guard dog, Banner.  Props to her - thats actually really safe.  This dog tried to rip my arm when i hugged my mom, so he is very protective, and would never let anyone touch her.  Good boy.  Being a husky, he likes to be in the water, because anything above 40 degrees is just too hot.  Her and her date walked down to the water, so Banner could get his feet wet, and low and behold, they spot a flock of ducks on the water.

Apparently, Banner charged the ducks, causing my mom to slip on the slime covered rocks lining the polluted rock river, and he dragged her into the river.  The complete stranger that was her horrified blind date tried to pull her out, but her wrist hurt from the fall, so she asked him to take the leash instead.  And then Banner pulled this random dude into the river as well.  I have had some bad dates in my life time, but i couldn't imagine being dragged through a polluted river by a husky.  

I can't promise that proud mary was playing in the background as my mom drifted down the rock river, but i like to imagine it was.  I am also in no way comparing my mom to a river boat.

Unfortunately my mom broke her wrist in the fall.  But at least she got the best story ever out of it.  I am going this weekend to help her, because even though my brother lives with her, he can't drive, cook, and is generally useless, so i am going to go help her out this weekend, and secretly high-five Banner, the best guard dog ever.  

So, if you ever wondered why insane things happen to me, its very obviously genetic.

Stay tuned, and maybe i will even have a running story for you tomorrow.  Maybe.