Monday, April 22, 2013

And her lunch grew three sizes that day...

Seriously.  I would photograph all 5 lbs of it, but 2 lbs were already eaten before 9am.  I have reached that horrible realization that I am running a marathon in 5 days, and there is nothing I can really do at this point to change the outcome.  The training cycle is over, and the whole darn thing was a shit show.  (actually, just the second half….the first half went pretty well!) There is nothing I can do, and no one I can blame for whatever happens on Saturday.
No, wait.  Scratch that.   I blame the dog.  She has been a major contributing factor to skipped runs and lost sleep.  And over-consumption of martinis.  Luckily, thanks to a new combination of meds and about a grand in vet visits, everything seems to be A-ok, and the little chunker feels like she might have even put on some weight – watch out 17lbs, here we come!  Either way, Waffles, this is all your fault. 
I jest (sort-of).  There are a lot of contributing factors to this shitty training cycle – some good, some bad.  And either way, it’s too late to dwell on them now.  Because I HAVE TO RUN AN F***ING MARATHON ON SATURDAY!!!
With the lack of physical training, I only have my brain to help get me through this one.  I actually think this might be the most “mentally fit” I have been going into a marathon.  Now I just have to keep it that way until Saturday…..Welcome to my “serenity now” rampage!
***Also, I would like to see anyone else use rampage and serenity in the same sentence. 
This is mostly towards Matt and Waffles, and I will let you guess which rules go to which, but seriously – serenity now.  Right-freaking-now.

1.        I am going to be in bed by 9:30.  10 at the latest.  If you need an egg sandwich at midnight, you WILL be making it yourself.
2.       Stop waking me up in the middle of the night to go outside.  Repeatedly.  You are just doing it now because I have gotten used to it, and you know there are rabbits outside at 4am. 
3.       NO JALEPENOS ON ANYTHING, GOD DAMMIT!  Stop sneaking them onto my food.  Seriously.
4.       Stop judging me when I try to eat an entire bowl of popcorn.  After dinner.  I’m carbo-loading, you jerks.
5.       I can’t do laundry or dishes this week.  My muscles are regenerating this week in preparation for the race.  Sorry guys.
6.       If I wake up even one night this week because I have been shoved into the crack between the bed and the wall and there is a dog on top of me, you are both sleeping on the couch.
7.       Apple-flavored vodka counts as a fruit, and anyone who tries to argue this point with me is in for a world of hurt.  (Also – apple flavored vodka is on sale at Trader Joes for $6.99 – get on that!!)
8.       And you, Mother Nature.  Don’t. Even. Start with me.  I mean it.


  1. Is Matt the one who wants to go outside at 4am to chase rabbits?! :) Anyway, don't stress about the marathon, you've already done plenty of them so you know what to expect. As long as it is not too hot, and you start slowly, you can finish easily. I didn't realize TJ's sold vodka. I guess I am so mesmerized by their wine and beer selection I must have missed it!

  2. I wish you serenity and peace this week so you can reach your marathon goal of crossing the finish line in one piece. :)

  3. Ha! #6 used to happen to me all the time! Thankfully after we moved, we had enough room so that both sides of the bed aren't on the wall, so no more getting shoved in that space. And Jude did that thing where he wanted to go out and chase rabbits in the middle of the night for a while too. Don't they know we need sleep?!

    I hope everything goes well for you on Saturday! I think going in while "mentally fit" is huge. Good luck with the serenity rampage!

  4. If you'd stop making Waffles egg sandwiches at midnight, her stomach might settle down a little. Jeez.

    You will surprise yourself this weekend. I have a good feeling about it...

  5. There are worse things than popcorn! And make Waffles do the dishes and laundry...duh!

  6. get a hotel room the day before and just veg and sleep!! Anyone asks you to do something just yell - I'M TAPERING! STOP!

  7. Hey...not sure about your area BUT, after the 7 inches of sloppy rain/snow mix we are suppose to get tonight and then another something? on Wednesday the weatherman says almost 70! by Saturday!!

    MN weather is the BEST!

    Good Luck!

  8. LOL! I love that list. But! Jalapenos are so good! Just a few?

    The marathon is mostly mental. If you are at your mentally strongest (uh, that sentence made no sense) then you are set!

  9. Do not stress chica. Everything will be perfect come race day. Enjoy your week and I hope that Matt and Waffles let you get your rest.

  10. Hey, at least the weather forecast is looking fabulous for Saturday! Good luck :)

  11. we had snow on Saturday too, I wasn't impressed.

    Good luck on your marathon! You will rock it!

  12. Martini time, love? You got this sweet friend.

  13. Have some milk covered blondie for breakfast, like me! Can you quarantine the dog & BF out in the living room for a night or two? They'll eat their midnight egg sammies together...

  14. You'll do great! I have no doubts. Relax and rest. Breathe.

  15. Good luck! And next training cycle, find someone to foster Waffles. Just kidding. Unless you think that's a good idea. I have a vet tech friend with 3 dogs and she often fosters additional dogs that come through her clinic. Anyway, my point is, you could just drop off Waffles in her yard and I doubt she'd notice or turn her away ...and she'd give her the best of care. Haha.