Seriously. I would photograph all 5 lbs of it, but 2 lbs were already eaten before 9am. I have reached that horrible realization that I am running a marathon in 5 days, and there is nothing I can really do at this point to change the outcome. The training cycle is over, and the whole darn thing was a shit show. (actually, just the second half….the first half went pretty well!) There is nothing I can do, and no one I can blame for whatever happens on Saturday.
No, wait. Scratch that. I blame the dog. She has been a major contributing factor to skipped runs and lost sleep. And over-consumption of martinis. Luckily, thanks to a new combination of meds and about a grand in vet visits, everything seems to be A-ok, and the little chunker feels like she might have even put on some weight – watch out 17lbs, here we come! Either way, Waffles, this is all your fault.
I jest (sort-of). There are a lot of contributing factors to this shitty training cycle – some good, some bad. And either way, it’s too late to dwell on them now. Because I HAVE TO RUN AN F***ING MARATHON ON SATURDAY!!!
With the lack of physical training, I only have my brain to help get me through this one. I actually think this might be the most “mentally fit” I have been going into a marathon. Now I just have to keep it that way until Saturday…..Welcome to my “serenity now” rampage!
***Also, I would like to see anyone else use rampage and serenity in the same sentence.
This is mostly towards Matt and Waffles, and I will let you guess which rules go to which, but seriously – serenity now. Right-freaking-now.
1. I am going to be in bed by 9:30. 10 at the latest. If you need an egg sandwich at midnight, you WILL be making it yourself.
2. Stop waking me up in the middle of the night to go outside. Repeatedly. You are just doing it now because I have gotten used to it, and you know there are rabbits outside at 4am.
3. NO JALEPENOS ON ANYTHING, GOD DAMMIT! Stop sneaking them onto my food. Seriously.
4. Stop judging me when I try to eat an entire bowl of popcorn. After dinner. I’m carbo-loading, you jerks.
5. I can’t do laundry or dishes this week. My muscles are regenerating this week in preparation for the race. Sorry guys.
6. If I wake up even one night this week because I have been shoved into the crack between the bed and the wall and there is a dog on top of me, you are both sleeping on the couch.
7. Apple-flavored vodka counts as a fruit, and anyone who tries to argue this point with me is in for a world of hurt. (Also – apple flavored vodka is on sale at Trader Joes for $6.99 – get on that!!)
8. And you, Mother Nature. Don’t. Even. Start with me. I mean it.