Seriously? I mean, SERIOUSLY?

I apologize in advance, because this has nothing to do with running, tapering, the marathon, the other marathon, candy, food in general, first world problems (well, maybe first world problems) or waffles.


This is a rant about the raised in a barn degenerates of suburban glenview.  

So, just so you know, i am the kind of girl to wait until the last possible minute to put gas in my car.  I am frequently late for everything, and basically, it is below me (kidding.  sort of.)  So, by the time last night rolled around, i left work desperately needing gas, as the empty light had turned on half way through my commute TO work.  Obviously, this was a fueling EMERGENCY.

I pull into the Shell that i pass to get onto the highway, and naturally, every pump is occupied, because my life sucks.  I wait, ever so patiently for a pump to open up, and when one does, i casually direct my car towards the pump, when someone ZOOMS into the spot at 300 miles per hour, cutting me off.  Are you F***ING kidding me??? UGH! so rude.  I back up, and wait for the next one.  Another one opens up, but its on the opposite side of my gas tank, so i commence the awkward ballet of turning my stupid car around so i can back in.  Meanwhile, someone ZOOMS in and takes the spot that i am very obviously backing into.  At this point, my ginger rage is in full effect.  I give it one last chance, and pull around to the other side to a spot that just opened up. This time, not only am i cut off, but i am cut off by someone who isn't even putting gas in their car, they are just stealing the spot to run in and buy cigarettes, and this spot was closer than the epic walk from the open parking spot less than 100 feet away.

At this point i just started screaming and laying on the horn, having a full fledged nuclear meltdown within the confines of my car.  I didn't know whether to cry, or to start ramming my car into everyone around me, Towanda style.

I ended up leaving, and going to another gas station, but i barely made it, and those rude, self-absorbed, lexus driving suburbanites basically ruined my evening.  Should the suburb of glenview suddenly burst into flames, i would not be sad.  Not one bit.

fwp.

1. Does it even need to be said that the 90+ temps everyday this week are a huge problem?  Oh it does. Screw you heat.  I am not even going to whine about running in the heat.
Things i will whine about?
Getting into my car when it is 150 degrees, and burning my god damn elbow because the interior is actually beginning to melt.

It might not look like much, but it is honestly a miracle that i survived this.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


2.  I'm also going to whine about what this god-forsaken weather is doing to my hair.  Granted, my 3 year streak of not brushing my hair might have a small influence in this, but regardless, this is what happened to my hair last night:

Yeah, i had to cut those hair-ties out of my hair with a pocket knife, bear grylls style.  If i was ok with existing in these atmospheric conditions, then i would have just moved to the bayou, southern texas, somewhere in the congo, guam, cuba, the innermost circles of hell.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


3. I'm sorry, but in what world?

So apparently we have the time to choreograph an impromptu synchronized cart ballet at the Costco parking lot, but we don't have time to just bring the cart back to the store so that i can have a freaking cart.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


4.  I see this pan-handler everyday on my way to work.  I was going to give him my granola bar the other day, and then i noticed that he was drinking organic orange juice.  Are you KIDDING ME?  I can't even afford organic orange juice!  In fact, i thought i hit it big when i switched from tang to tropicana!  You should be giving charity to ME, friend.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


5.  This:

Is the form i need to renew my city of chicago sticker.  Thanks Waffles.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEM.


6.  I may have mentioned that Matt and i have been playing the license plate game for the past 8 months.  (find all 50 states)  We had been at a stalemate for months because of the lack of both Delaware and Idaho.  Well -

BAM. Delaware.

BAM.  IDAHO!

So suck it, Matt.  Game over.
But seriously, sitting in traffic is back to sucking.  What do people do when they are not endangering the lives of themselves and others by trying to photograph license plates while driving???
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


7. I have officially downgraded the Zombie apocalypse warning level back to yellow.  Not because we are any safer, but because i have eaten all the emergency rations in my car and at my desk.  :(

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


8.  It took us 32 years to figure out that the dingo ate the baby?  REALLY?

Well, at least the judicial system has got their shit together.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


9.  In world news, they were reporting last night that Hosni Mubarek is mostly dead.  Mostly dead?  Am i the only one who can only think the princess bride right now?

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


10.  In an earth-shattering shocker:  Bristol Palin's reality show is vapid and uninteresting.

No really, people are surprised by this.  But, these are the same people who gave this moron a show, if it's any indicator.  Thank god Jersey Shore will be back soon so we can have some culture in our lives.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

survival skills.

I had a whole other post i started writing at work, but now that is for another day my friends...


Today's traffic was the worst i have EVER seen it in my two years as a commuter.  

That right there is the travel time from my work to my apartment (roughly...i don't go all the way to the circle).  For those of you who are math challenged, that is 4 hours and 4 minutes.  To go less than 20 miles.  


I am lucky enough that my job is pretty relaxed, and i don't currently really have a supervisor, so when the weather gets bad, i get going.  We had a big meeting at 11, otherwise i would have worked from home today.  (but the meeting went well, so it was worth my troubles i hope)  I ended up hitting the road at about 1pm, armed with that protein bar and some cupids corn:

Cupid corn is basically just valentines day themed candy corn.  I have a problem, and i acknowledge that.  I am really glad i left early, because the roads were already a mess, and what should have been a 30 minute drive was 2 hours and 15 minutes....

The problem seems to be that because of the cold, none of the salt they put down was melting the snow, so it just piled up on the highways.  There was probably about an inch and a half of snow just sitting on the highway, and when you drive a little Nissan Versa, it's basically like off-roading.  Lucking, we were only going about 5 mph most of the way, so even if i would have hit something, i don't think people would even notice.  The travel times got infinitely worse, and are now sitting at about 4+ hours.  Basically, i should have invested in a husky dog team.

Oh man, look at that cute ginger dog in the front!

I am a little concerned about tomorrow's run.  Mostly for safety reasons.  I am not exactly the most sure-footed person to begin with....in fact, i face planted at the gym today on the treadmill.  Ok, it wasn't a full on face plant, but i did tumble off.  I meant to increase the speed a notch and somehow my sweaty hand hit the emergency stop button....Who the hell puts that button so close to the increase speed button anyway?? I seriously hate the gym.

dang i'm awesome....

I am also a little concerned about how slow the group has to go because of the weather...we were running slow last weened, because of THAT snow, and now tomorrow will most likely be a slower than planned run as well with all this fresh snow on the path (covering all that beautiful ice...)  Are all these slow long runs going to make me slower?  What if i never get any faster because of all of this damn snow??  I WANNA GO FAST!

real fast.

If you're going out tonight, be safe kiddos, it's a real doozy outside!!
I recommend that you just stay in tonight, have a cocktail, and enjoy this video of people who are much more coordinated on treadmills than i am.

Saved by the cuffins!

If you read my blog, you are pretty familiar with the fact that i am not particularly what they call "with it."  Today was Fleet feet chicks night "try not to embarass myself" rematch.  I was a little frazzled this morning, because when i woke up, there was freezing rain, which basically means "nightmare commute." I hate it, because the second i woke up, i knew i would have needed to be up an hour earlier to be to work even remotely close to on time. 

Not the way to start your morning....

In my hurry, i was literally shoving my running stuff in a bag.  (a "with it" person would have done this the night before)  I may have forgotten two key things.  my gloves, which i inconveniently left in Matt's car, who had already left for work, and pants.  Thats right, i forgot pants  (to run in, i was wearing pants, thank god.)  Luckily i remembered in time to loop back around and run up to my apartment to grab them.  Does stupidity count as cross training?  Lets hope so...

So, Chicks night!  I actually considered not going because i didn't have gloves and the weather was horrible, and because i am have a case of the mondays...on a tuesday.  I felt really "blah" and "mediocre" all day, and convinced myself that signing up for a marathon was my worst.  idea.  ever.  It's mostly because i am tired and sore all the time lately, but i am really hoping my body will adjust soon.

I dragged my but to Fleet feet, and it was so cold and windy walking in that i almost ran screaming back to my car.  There were still a surprising amount of ladies there for the weather, and that pumped me up.  I wanted to run four miles, but it was kinda split between the 6 mile group (way too fast for me)  and a bunch of three milers, so i chose the three mile group.  It worked out well anyway, because the lakeshore path was an ice slick obstacle course.  One girl accidentally broke through this ice and ended up ankle deep in lakeshore path sludge.  A trooper, she was.  The first 1.5 miles sucked because ice flakes were pelting me in the face, causing me to wince and cry bitter tears which then froze to my face.  The return was downwind, so much easier.  Through all of this, as cold as it was, there was one part of me that felt no cold.  MY HANDS!  my hands are always cold, and the cuffins kept them warm on one of the coldest nights this year! I love you jacket.  I love you so much.

Cuffins for life!

They also had some free samples tonight, and lord knows i love me some free samples:

A luna protien bar, and some gatorade chews.  I LOVE luna bars, and eat them before every long run, so i am excited to see what the protein one is like, and i can always use more energy chews for long runs - GU's and shotbloks ain't cheap!


Anyway, going out for a run in that less than stellar weather with some pretty badass chicks helped pull me out of my debbie downer rut.  


SLOW AND STEADY!

Hulk, beware.

I survived the commute home!!

barely.

Hulk, beware! because i did some strength training this morning!  I can't gloat too much because i only did about 10-15 minutes worth, but HEY.  Thats a start.  I went to the gym with matt this morning, which is good, because there was no way i was shoveling MY car out at 6:45 this morning.  I could barely function enough to dress myself.

lookin good, right??

I went with Matt because he needs encouragement to get back into running again, and he needs a witness for his consuming bacon jalepeno pizza the night before running experiment.  He loves his science....

We both ran 3 miles, and then did some of the weight machines.  I hate the weight portion of the gym even more than the treadmill portion.  Luckily there were not many people there with the weather, but the ones who were there were judging me, i know it.  All these people gave me this condescending smile that seemed to me to say, "awwwww, look at you lift 10lbs on the machine.....sure its the lowest setting, but good for you!"  Apparently, i have a long way to go in that aspect.  Today is friday, which means two things:

1.  It's bagel day, and i get to eat that bagel guilt free because i have my long run tomorrow!

double bonus:  half my office is working from home, and the other half is late, so that means i get dibs on the pretzel bagel.  THE PRETZEL BAGEL!!

2.  Tomorrow is my long run.  There is about 6" of snow on the ground, and the windchill tomorrow morning is supposed to be about 10.  I am pretty sure i don't own any appropriate clothing to be running in that weather.  perhaps i will be frankensteining some clothes together tonight to make something suitable.


***edited to add, i just checked the weather, and it is actually supposed to be 8 degrees, with a windchill of -2.  It would be safe to say that i have some concerns.  

3.  (a completely unplanned 3)  I just invented the word frankensteining.  Use it.  Embrace it.  Spread it around.  

And be safe out there in Chicagoland, it's pretty slick and icy, and no one wants to explain that an injury is not from running, its from slipping on ice.

2 hours of reflection

At least thats what i'm calling it.  Traffic was a NIGHTMARE this morning, and of course i was in a hurry to make it for a meeting (which i missed entirely, btw.)  I sat parked on the expressway for close to an hour, and then creeped along for another hour.   Spending so much time in traffic has the ability to make one go mad, so i have created a handful of games to entertain me during my hellacious journey.  One is the license plate game.  I have been trying to find all 50 states, while creeping down the highway, and i had a huge break through today....

Yea, THAT just happened!

THAT, my friends, is an alaska license plate.  ALASKA!  I have been waiting for an Alaska for 6 months!!!  Man, i love the holidays....That alone makes sitting in traffic for two hours seem worth it.  I might have some priority issues.  

I also spent that two hours trying to sleuth and figure out what the hell happened to make the traffic so bad.  You can usually find clues laying along the side of the highway.  A fender here, a headlight there....
I saw plenty of fender bender remnants, but non of those should be enough to lead to a two hour gridlock.    At one point, i saw tons of little white foam pellets all along the side of the highway, and a trail of them went on for two miles.  Obviously, being the master mind that i am, i was able to crack the case.  The only solution is that a bean bag chair and a giant inflatable snow-globe lawn ornament had a throw down in the middle of the highway, a throwdown which they both lost, resulting in their pellet-y insides being spewed across the highway, and creating a monumental traffic jam as spectators tried to flee in horror.  


Don't worry, i'm not quitting my day job.

If there was ever a sign...

THIS IS IT.

Holiday traffic apparently starts now.  I think this little two hour smack in the face is the universe telling me to go run on the treadmill for an hour.

UUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.

How rude.

How Rude!

Homeless people are OUT OF CONTROL IN THIS CITY.


I take the highway every day of my sad, sad life, and the panhandlers have gone from an annoyance to a full out threat.  There is a homeless man who repeatedly will stand uncomfortably close to my car staring at me when i refuse to give him anything.  He is trying to scare me into helping him.  I am not a bad person, but by "trying to scare"  you are just "pissing me off"  I'm NOT scared of you, because its the middle of the day, and their are other cars around me.  So, rather than stare back at him like i normally do, today i decided to take a picture of him.

Not only am i not afraid of you, i am so not afraid of you that i am taking your picture.  

I am about to go vigilante on the city of Chicago.

Diet coke is not cool.

I should have ran last night.  But i didn't.  I ended up having a diet coke binge after my crazy ex-boss showed up and started screaming at everyone.  He even made our pregnant office manager cry.  WTF.  I had promised not to make a scene, and gotten the "don't burn bridges" talk, but lets face it, the bridge was nuked.  So i peaced out for a while and hung out at the Jimmy Johns, and ended up refilling my drink like 7 times without realizing it.  I don't even drink soda normally, so that was slightly excessive.  Needless to say, i ended up feeling nauseous and jittery the rest of the day.  I was going to go for a brief run before my  "HDSA brainstorming meeting"  but instead i curled up in a ball on the couch until Matt came home.  Just another reason i will end up going all vigilante on my ex-boss next time we cross paths.  INTERFERING WITH MY RUNNING SCHEDULE!  I considered running this morning, but it is horrible windy and rainy, and i just don't care anymore.  I brought my stuff to run during lunch, and i am slowly coming to terms with the inevitable Chicago winter.  Because of the bad weather, i also sat in traffic for hours.  BUT, the one saving grace is that i saw this:

Wait, you don't take pictures of other peoples cars when sitting in traffic??

If you have super eagle vision, you can plainly see that THAT is an Arkansas license plate.  Because i spend so much time in traffic, i started playing the license plate game with myself.  That baby means i only have about 5 states left to find - Hawaii, Alaska, Idaho, Rhode Island, and Delaware.  Actually make that 7, because i still need West Virginia, and either North or South Dakota (i'm not sure and will have to review)  Today was a good day for me. 


I also started to take on more boss like activities to keep my office running, and now have the ability to make charts in Keynote.

I am starting to understand why i get so little done......

I actually have a ton of work to do, so i have no idea why i just spent a bunch of time making this chart.....

The times they are a changing...

Don't get me wrong, fall is my FAVORITE time of year, but the one downside is that the days get shorter.  Take the 8-9 hours i work, add the 2-3 i spend in traffic, and that leaves virtually no time to run during the safe daylight hours.


I normally like to run in the early am before work, but every once in a while, i actually have to show up to work on time AND look presentable (i.e., no wet hair or bandanas when meeting with clients.  LAME.)


I had one of those "meetings" today, so i had to be to work early and reschedule my morning run for the evening.  Logistically, i could have squeezed it in, but whenever i need to be somewhere on time, Chicago traffic becomes as predictable as Lady Gaga.  This morning, it managed to be a shit show, so i am glad i left early.  It took over an hour and a half to get to work....I bet your asking why.  I know i was.


Enter exhibit A:

Smoke ahead, oh my!

Was it a burning car?  a gas line explosion??  Terrorism????


NO.  It was a metal barrel.  With some tree branches in it.  during a controlled burn.  An extra 30  minutes of traffic, for a BARREL.  HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE, WE GOTS A BARREL ON FIRE HERE!


Yeah, so that was awesome.  Now i get to look at this all day and dread squeezing in 5 miles after work - 

Of course my gym bag is a reusable trader joe bag.  I'm CLASSY.

It taunts me.  But at least the weather is nice, and the rapidly setting sun has slowly shaved seconds off my pace.  (no one wants to be running through the woods in the dark.  except maybe Jason or Freddy...)

It's not all bad though.  the days may be getting shorter, but it is officially the perfect temperature for wearing cowboy boots in a socially acceptable for work and in no way trashy kind of way.  YAY!

Urban Cowboy for the win!

EDITED TO ADD-  The result of the aforementioned meeting is that for the rest of the week, my job is to go shopping in a bunch of home goods stores.  This is both super awesome and extremely dangerous for my checking account.  You are a cruel mistress, design....

Indian Summer, FOR THE WIN!

September was a horribly uninspired month for me, and running was something i started to dread.  Between moving and my roommates wedding, as well as the consistent sub 50 degree weather, never ending rain and lack of sunshine for TWO STRAIGHT WEEKS, it took everything i had just to get out of bed and go to work, let alone sneak some runs in.  Even now that the sun has returned, it doesn't come up until almost 7am.....and i am not ready for pre-sunrise running yet.  NOT YET!!!!


Enter Indian Summer!  This week is non stop sun, daytime high's in the 80's!  :)  Bad news for the Chicago Marathon this weekend (which i am not running because i am lame)  but great news for ME!  I have been running afterwork (which i normally hate because it is too hot, and i am cranky and desperate for dinner the second i leave work.)  I was so happy about the beautiful weather that even jogged alongside a guy in a recumbent bike to talk about how nice it was to be running in this weather.   ME.  Normally i am wincing and scowling at people....but not during INDIAN SUMMER!!!

                                     (not actual biker....strangers don't like it when you photograph them...)


There are about two weeks a year in Chicago when you can comfortably run in a tshirt and shorts with minimal sweat, and no goosebumps.  THIS IS MY TIME!


I ran 5 pleasant miles last night in about 47 minutes.  *joy*


This morning i went to the gym for some cross-training (ugh.  things that i hate.)  And there was a sign on the front desk say the city of chicago has shut down the pool at the X-sport fitness.  ............   whaaaaa?  Not that i use the pool anyway, but what has to be so wrong with pool to have the CITY OF CHICAGO shut it down??  Seriously reconsidering the x-sport membership......




                                                                               

                                                                                                                      for shame, x-sport, for shame...

After my grueling 45 minutes of feigning interest in cross-training, and watching fresh prince of bel-air reruns, i saw this on my way to work...

                                           These cakes have a destiny far more important than my own...


I must know more about these very special cakes......I'm thinking of getting one for my own car that says "Caution, open, half-eaten bag of candy corn on board"