The Mental Marathon

On Monday night, i went to Universal Sole for a fun run and training seminar put on by CARA.  I am doing the half training program this summer in preparation for the ZOOMA half marathon in August.  Some of our ZOOMA ladies showed up, as well as our sponsor, muscle milk! It was a kick off for half marathon training.  So, if you are on the lakefront Saturday mornings - look for me!

Because I am me, i missed the training run because of my inability to emotionally handle parking downtown, and ended up sitting in a corner of Universal Sole stewing.  Luckily Katie and Lauren couldn't find parking either.  Eventually the runners returned, including Kelly and Sierra, and we got down to business.  

Stole ya pic, Kelly!  Thanks!

I have been to many of these seminars, so most of the information wasn't new to me (but super helpful if you are a newish runner!)  Things like stretching, nutrition, etc.  The one new element was that they had a sports psychologist talk to us.  First off, i didn't even know there was such a thing as sports psychology, and now i want to know more about it.  Secondly, she briefly went over coping with the Boston Marathon tragedy, but mostly went over the mental aspects of training and marathoning (or half-marathoning!)  I know a lot of people (myself included) that do not perform well in the marathon distance despite being very talented runners (myself excluded).  Most of us train every muscle in our body except our minds.  (Except me - i skip my core workouts also).  So our body is physically able to keep going, but our minds freak out and we end up walking, crying, puking, drinking bloody mary's, whatever our coping mechanism is.  So really, most of it is a mental battle.

It's something i want to learn more about, and obviously, she only had 10 minutes to talk about it.  One snippet of advice she shared was to have a "power song".  A song that no matter what, you will run to. Its almost like a subconscious message to focus and get back in the game!  I have always had a power song, and it's Freebird, by lynyrd skynyrd.

Press play if you can handle the awesome.

Something about the slow start and increasing tempo just gets me to run, no matter how tired or hurting i am.  And it doesn't hurt that its like a 10 minute song.  I wont lie, during really awful training runs, i have listened to it multiple times in a row.  

Do you have a "power song"?  Have you ever heard of sports psychology??

Runner's Reads

For me, "down time" is a rarity i have come to treasure.  I have subscriptions to Runners World, and Running Times, and honestly, they usually sit on my coffee table for weeks before i get the chance to read them.  During my total stress-fest last week, i took some time off from running to curl up on the couch with my laptop, and finish The Ultimate Beginner's Running Guide, by Ryan Roberts.  (a book about running.  Hey - i know what i like!)

Thats right, i don't have a kindle and had to use my 6 year old power book.  So sue me.  

Ryan actually contacted me as a fellow runner just to say, "Hey, i wrote a book - feel free to check it out as you sometimes claim to run on your blog"  (Well played, Ryan...)

Upon learning that he was living my dream life in Alaska, i had to check out what insights he might have for me.

To begin with, it is a beginning running guide - geared for people who might be considering their first race, who are maybe fit but haven't considered running, or people who have always wanted to run, but maybe not made the jump.  That said, I am a firm believer that as i (claim to) train for my 5th marathon, i am just as much a beginner as someone eyeing their first 5k.  I still make mistakes, and i still have a lot to learn.  I have learned some tips in the book that i will now take with on my runs, that i will get to in a second.

Primarily, the book is a confidence builder.  It breaks down the idea of running into a manageable task that any of us can do.  It even includes beginners training plans!  Granted, all running is is "left foot" "right foot" and repeat, but there is a lot of confidence-building, and instructional knowledge needed as well, and this is what the book provides.  In the book Ryan has multiple training plans according to fitness level, and i may or may not be blindsiding my mom with the over 50 plan in the near future.  The woman has always wanted to run, and always made excuses not to.  Honestly, the whole damn book could do her good now that i think about it!  

Some of my key takeaways as a clueless marathoner:

Take that, T-rex arm!!

• How to banish t-rex arm.  I am a repeat t-rex arm offender.  It's embarrassing, especially in race photos.  My favorite method is "pulling the gun from the holster"  You'll have to read about it, but there is a good chance there will be reports of a rogue cowgirl on the lakefront path.  (of course he explains the benefits, and there are many, of why running like a damn T-rex is less than ideal.)
• Visualize the success!  I actually learned this at my recent public speaking seminar, but as far as i can tell, visualizing yourself succeeding is a universal win!
• And lastly, did you know that in hot humid weather, you want to wipe the sweat off frequently to cool yourself?  I was under the impression that the sweat on my skin was cooling me, so i would just let it sit there all grossified.  There is a good chance that this misinformation contributed to my heatstroke collapse at the Rockford Marathon.  Luckily, i now stand corrected!

People who are very new to running, or wanting to start running will benefit the most from this book because of the focus on motivation, nutrition, weather, confidence, shoes, gait, and detailed but easy to follow training plans.  But i think the devil is in the details in that there are key nuggets of knowledge in there that benefit any runner - you never realize how much you don't know until you know it.

So check out Ryans book here:

http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Beginners-Running-Guide-ebook/dp/B0071G22AW

if you are interested, or know someone who might need a little motivation to take the plunge into the running world!

Most of you are probably way cooler than i and have kindles, but if not, there are free apps that can turn your old brick of mac into a large clunky kindle.   :)

And, i will end this with a question, and a popsicle joke.  Would you ever buy a beginners running book for a friend or family member? (without them directly asking for it)

As we all know, i have been having a terrible couple weeks, but i think this was my sign to  get back on that horse.  And also to stop eating so many popsicles in February....

Some goals for the off season.

From now until January 5th, I get a reprieve.  That doesn't mean i get to just skip running.  (I did that all last week, and it was both glorious and traumatic to my waistline.) But it does mean that i am just running around all "willy nilly" with no goals, no target, and no plan.  Its a little scary to not have a paper schedule telling me what distance to run everyday.  I was (am) very tempted to sign up for the Schaumburg turkey trot half marathon this weekend.  VERY tempted.  But truth be told, the next month is about rebuilding and regenerating, and NOT signing up for races like a maniac.  

But, as someone who fails miserably at life without structure, i thought i could make a few goals to ride me through until probably February when my mileage will kick back up for spring marathoning. 

1.  Think up some goals for next year (yes.  one of my goals is to make more goals.  go easy on me.)  I need to make some realistic goals for next years running season.  Realistically, i think "PR at everything" will be part of it- one of the benefits of being mediocre at best is the room for infinite improvement.

2.  Focus on speed.  I spent all year making sure my body can handle the brutality of 26 miles, which leaves very little room (or energy) for speed training.  This winter i WILL crack the 8 minute mile barrier.  I don't know when;  I don't know where; but 7:59 - I am COMING FOR YOU!

3.  I know i say this all the time, but strength training.  It seriously has to happen.  I walked into a door this morning.  My noodle arms suck so bad right now.  

Wearing every piece of weight training gear my brother owned.

4.  Try somekind of new-fangled exercise class.  Last year it was hot yoga (which i love, providing it's just childs pose) but its time to expand.  Crossfit?  P90x? Barre? Bootcamp?  Quite frankly, they all sound terrifying, but if you aren't at least a little terrified, you aren't trying hard enough.

5.  Work-Life-Running balance.  Maybe this year i will get it right!  Or maybe not.  We'll see.....Either way, i need to at least try to find a truce between running as much as i want, advancing in my career, and keeping a clean house, with a happy and well fed Matt and Waffles.  

Ok, who am i kidding.  The last one is never gonna happen.  But i can promise you that they won't starve.  

Do you have an "off season"?  Or are you totally badassing it and marathoning all year round?  What is your game plan for the next couple months?  Do you want to run with me?  I am seriously lacking motivation to run in the cold dark world right now.

Go with the flow: My Chicago Marathon recap

The expo: HOLY CRAP I MET DESI DAVILA.

She is so tiny! And seriously the nicest person ever.  She even laughed at my jokes!  (Obviously out of pity)  I am so excited for her to kick butt at Boston 2013.  Talk about someone who works hard to be the best.  If i could muster 10% of her motivation, i would be a much better runner.  Special thanks to the Brooks team and Maggie who was able to make this happen via her amazing PR skills.  

This entire weekend was really rough for me.  As someone who actually has an anxiety disorder, things like crowds of people are a huge trigger to me.  The stress of getting to the expo, fear of missing Desi, and ending up lost in McCormick place had me practically in tears by the time i met up with these awesome ladies.  

We went on a shake out fun run with the brooks team, and it was just what i needed to help balance myself again.  I left the expo feeling much calmer and happier.  And i had a bag full of snacks - always a win.

Race weekend:  I had already mentioned Matt had invited his friends to stay with us that weekend, which was not really the best situation for zen-like marathon prep.  I got very little sleep, and spent too  much time on my feet.  They brought their Husky "Stark" to play with waffles, and as stressful and anxiety-filled as my weekend was, i think Waffles had it worse...

The Race: Did not go as planned.  I ended up going with plan C and i cried twice on the course, but also, it sort of became my party.  The first half of the race went pretty smoothly, and i felt good, although the weekend dog party left me with a runny nose and allergies.  The weather was perfect - cool, cloudy, with just enough sun to warm you up every once in a while.  I struggled alot with the sheer amount of people, and got very panicky at water stations, where people tended to "swarm".  Everytime i felt like the race was just too much for me, someone would yell my name, tell me i was doing great, and cheer for me.  
It also helped seeing Amanda, Emily, Cary, David, Keren, and Kelly at various points throughout the day.
The support for this race is indescribable.  I won't even try to put it into words.

Around mile 15-16, i got a terrible cramp/side-stitch on my left side.  It hurt so bad.  I am not prone to them, so i have no idea what caused it, or what to do to make it go away.  So naturally i limp along the side and cry.  A stranger actually put his arm around me and said "we're all stupid.  Lets try to run a little."  People can be so amazing.  I was able to run half mile increments, and then would stop to try and massage the cramp, which was spasming at this point.  In hindsight, i am 90% sure i made the cramp worse, as it still hurts today, and is all bruised from my inability to massage anything.  Aaron was with me at this point, and i felt bad because i was supposed to set an example, and motivate him, but holy crap, this hurt so bad.  I can honestly say this race hurt more than rockford and sunburst combined.  I started crying again at mile 19, because i just felt so hopeless.  Matt and a few friends were at the bar Simones waiting to cheer us on, and i promised myself i would take a break there.  My time was already out the window, so i was going to try and at least salvage this to be an enjoyable experience.  

I was so happy to spot Matt! I took a break at Simone's, enjoyed a bloody mary, and got a pep talk from my friends.  

When life hands you lemons, all you can do is just say screw this, I'm gonna have a good time no matter how painful it is.  The cramp stuck with me until mile 23.  That, or maybe the bloody mary kicked in and i was too drunk to feel it anymore.  I found that taking a minute break every half mile and trying to stretch out the cramp was all i could do, and i managed.  It's still disappointing though, because otherwise this would have been a great race for me.  I ended up finishing with a 4:46, which is 16 minutes off what i should have done.  But i also stopped for a bloody mary and about 30 walk breaks.  This was really a hard race for me, physically and mentally.  If it had been a solo training run, i would have quit when the cramp hit.  I was overwhelmed by the crowds, in both a good and a bad way.  And i heard gangnam style no less than 4 times, which was awesome. The last six miles, i just kept thinking of hot dog cat.  Aaron was able to finish 20 minutes later, despite severely under training for this race.  He is suffering for it now though.

Post race: as usual, i am pretty lucky when it comes to post race aches and pains.  I am a little sore, but nothing major. As i said though, my side is killing me, mostly from my mangling it trying to fix the cramp.  Aaron and i had an ice bath post race, which can be summed up in these photos:

I think aaron cried.

Chicago is really an amazing race!  I am torn between whether or not to do it next year.  Its an unbelievable experience, but also very hard for anyone with anxiety.  So many people.  It was a struggle to stay calm.

Looking forward: I was hoping this race would be a confidence boost for Dublin.  It was not.  I am now more terrified than ever.  My focus the next couple weeks is recovery - I think my body is feeling a little burned out right now, and is ready for a break.  I am going to try and heal it as much as i can in the next 20 days, and have promised it a nice winter break before i start training again in January.  

I am bummed that my race didn't go as planned, but i don't even have time to be sad, because i am way too busy overflowing with joy and pride for all my friends who ran Chicago yesterday, especially the first timers.  If someone was gonna have a bad race, i am glad it was me, because you all worked so hard, and deserved the best race possible.  Reading your stories inspires me, and encourages me to leave it all out there in Dublin.  Let taper number 2 begin!

Distractions from the suck.

Did i ever mention that i spend 8 million hours a day in my car in traffic? It's true!  granted it sucks, but i usually use that time to catch on the news and current events.


Only the news totally blows lately.  I can't listen to the coverage of the mass shooting in aurora for more than 10 minutes without bursting into tears.  I think its ridiculous that we now have to use units of measurement to describe over night shootings here in Chicago - (half a dozen people were shot last night - what's next?  A bushel of people??)  Spain is making nervous, with its impending bankruptcy and threats of a global recession.  And don't get me started on Syria.  Mostly because i still can't figure out what is going on over there, other than that it's really bad and lots of people are dying and it makes me sad.


The world is a little bit sucky lately.  Why can't we all just chill out this week, stop killing each other, and start obsessing over the olympics?  Well, since the news has majorly bummed me out today, here are some squishy feel-good stories about athletes in the news right now.

1.  101 year old marathoner Fauja Singh, also known as the coolest person to ever live, is carrying the olympic torch!  I always regretted being a late-comer to running, but Mr. Singh didn't start until well into his 80's! He has since run 10 marathons, including the New York Marathon.  At age 92, he ran the Toronto marathon in 5hrs, 40mins, beating my Rockford marathon time, and basically, showing me who is boss (him!)  I can't look at his face without wanting to cry tears of joy.  I love this guy so much. He has already expressed the desire to carry the torch for the 2016 Olympics, where he will be 105, and still a better marathoner than me.  You are so awesome!

2. Guor Marial is IN!  The South Sudanese refugee will be running the marathon in the olympics!!  While he won't technically be running under the south sudanese flag, every one in south sudan will know that he is running it for them.  So happy the Olympics committee is letting him run.  Did you know that his first marathon was twin cities last year, and it was the race that gave him the olympic qualifying standard?  The first ever South Sudanese olympian!  It's like cool runnings, only even more awesome.  YAY GUOR!

3.  While not an Olympian, ballerina Michaela DePrince just performed her first performance as a professional ballerina in Le Corsaire at the Joburg Theater in South Africa.  You would never guess that she spent her childhood in an orphanage in Sierra Leone during the civil war, witnessing atrocities most of us aren't even capable of imagining.  Her interview HERE is SO inspiring.  She is so cool and collected, and most importantly, sounds like an average, 17 year old girl.  


So there you have it.  There is a lot of crappy, crappy news these last few days, but there are also some truly amazing and inspiring people if you dig a little deeper!

The aftermath

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and advice.  I've been having a lot of trouble communicating how i'm feeling since the race, primarily because part of my frontal lobe actually melted.  True story.  Obviously, i will run a marathon again.  Mostly, because i signed up for two more this year, and i can't bear to waste money.   Also because in the history of weather, Ireland has only reached 90 degrees once and it was in 1887, and summer.  So a late October marathon there is about as close as you can get to a 50 degree guarantee.  


I've been thinking a lot about Sunday, and I'm stopping the pity party right about here.  Yeah, i was in the bottom 25% of finishers for this race, and my time was about an hour and a half longer than what i could probably do in ideal conditions.  But i was looking at all the results for the race, and about 20% of the people didn't finish.  And i did finish.  Also, i think my time should be knocked down by 15 minutes for the time i spent lying on the ground.  It's only fair.


Did you know that when i was in grad school i joined a local roller derby?  Don't get too excited, i was terrible. Some would say atrocious. My petite size made me a terrible blocker, and while i could usually achieve the speeds necessary to be a jammer, i couldn't control them and would fall. every time there was a curve.  On the round track.  My one skill when skating is that i got up faster than anyone.  I fell about 300% more frequently, but i would hit the ground and spring back up over and over and over.  I was never down for more than 2-3 seconds.  I think thats my gift.  


The aftermath:
1. I'm still not hungry, which is weird.  Based on training, i thought i would have been tearing through the kitchen like the incredible hulk, but i am struggling to eat.  I just don't want food.  I have been trying to drink disgusting protein shakes/meal drinks until my appetite returns.


2.  I'm not in pain.  My feet got a little roughed up, and my calves are a little tender, but i feel fine.  The only aftereffect i have had is intense waves of nausea, which i think is just residual dehydration.  I heard that you are not supposed to run for a couple weeks, but i think 6 hours in the giant sauna on Sunday might have saved me some muscle soreness.


3.  My brain is a little wonky.  I keep misspelling words (more than usual) and mixing words up when i talk.  Math is impossible right now.  I am seriously concerned that i lost part of my brain out there.


4.  I have been coughing since the race.  I think i strained my lungs a little.  I had a lot of trouble breathing in the second half, mostly because of the hot wind.  I might have been having an asthma attack, but i was too far gone to tell.  I feel like i used that coupon for cigarettes and then smoked them all.  


5.  I keep randomly bursting into tears.  It happened about 5 times yesterday.  Seriously. Brain. is. broken.


6.  Matt's in really bad shape.  I feel awful, because he was in no way prepared to run/walk/stagger 8 miles in that heat.  If it was impossible for me, i can't imagine what it was like for him.  He is feeling pretty rough, and really nervous for the soldier field 10 miler this weekend.  It's going to be awesome though.  I kind of want to super bowl shuffle across the finish line. 


7.  I don't know if i would run the Rockford full marathon again, mostly because of PTSD, but i would definitely do the half.  It's cheap, it's flat, and in nice weather its actually pretty scenic for Rockford.  And the volunteers were amazing for what they had to put up with (understaffed and not enough water)  


8. I'm still sad and disappointed, and probably will be for a while, but thats ok.  I have other races to look forward to, and most importantly, a summer full of running with awesome people.  

The most perfect run.

I have a whole other post, but i am pushing it back until tomorrow, to discuss the perfect run.


But before that - and update on the wellness fridge situation.

Thank you, person who left a dollar.  But it's too little, too late.  The wellness fridge is gone, and i am now left hungry every day.  I hope the guilt destroys you.
****update*****another dollar has appeared.  maybe yelling at everyone had an impact!


I have been running the skokie lagoons the past couple weeks because its super convenient.  I get to avoid traffic, and that makes me a happier person in general.  The path is hilly (by chicago standards) and there is never anyone on it, except a few bikers - and even they are few and far between.

There are a lot of times i have really terrible runs, where i finish the run, feel like i am going to die, can't take another step, etc.  In the past two weeks i have cut multiple runs short or had to significantly slow my pace, i have thrown up, i have had aches and pains, felt the first pangs of fatigue, and i have been unmotivated.  A good portion of the time, running sucks.  But every once in a while, a multitude of factors and elements align and create:


The most perfect run ever.


I significantly over-ate on Tuesday, and i was worried that my gluttony would slow me down, but in fact, all that extra food made me feel like i had more energy.  I think that sometimes i don't totally get the whole calories in/calories out thing.  Either way, what i thought was eating way too much actually made me feel great on my run!  I also slept in yesterday morning, thanks to Matt swapping an AM puppy shift.  That extra hour of sleep was glorious.  The weather was perfect - about 60 degrees, slight breeze, and the sun wasn't too high in the sky.  For some reason the distance of the run was psyching me out, so i did the ole "just see how you feel and you can always stop."  I started with a very conservative pace because i was still a little tight from the shuffle.  I ran at a comfortable pace, where i could of talked to someone, if i weren't totally alone.  The path i was running on is 4.5 miles, so i decided to do one loop and see how i felt.  


It was an incredibly peaceful run.  I actually enjoyed my music, rather than frantically flipping through songs trying to find something to push myself.  I was actually listening to folk music for half the run (I love you, Bob Dylan...)  The first loop flew by, and i decided to do one more going the other way, and maybe a little bit faster.  The one tragedy of this run is that i forgot to turn auto lap back on, so i only have times for the full loop :(


I have historically had huge problems going out too fast, and then losing my momentum later on in a race.  It plagues me.  It's something in my personality type, i think.  If you put me in the sahara with multiple gallons of water, i would drink them all the first day.  My mind does not understand rationing.  or pacing.


I was able to pick up the pace for the second loop, and shave a few minutes off my time, and that made me very happy.  When i finished the run, i was tired, but i could have kept going if i needed to (like if i was running a race)  That made me feel really good, and confident about this whole marathon thing.  I assure you, this brief feeling of calm will soon pass and i will return to my normal neurotic state of constant complaining and fear.


On my run, i saw 8 deer, a pack of Canadian geese (that hissed at me.) (because they are jerks) and half a grilled cheese sandwich.  (that was a weird one, but it appeared to be in perfect condition)  I actually went back to photograph the sandwich, bit i think one of the deer ate it.  Those greedy bastards.

The lagoon deer are totally unphased by people - they couldn't care less if i was there taking pictures.

And the best part?  Coming home to new compression socks that came in the mail.  All in all, it was a good night!

AND  just a reminder - Bic Bands is donating a portion of every BIC band sold to HDSA for both  March and April.  So, you can look fabulous, and help stop a really devastating disease.  Multi-tasking for the win!  So buy one for yourself, your bff, your mom, your sister, even your dog....

Waffles HAD to have the pink glitter band

Do you have any idea how hard it is to put a headband on a basenji??

***Excuse waffles red watery eyes...the poor pup has allergies is emotional over how fabulous she looks!

This is one of the ones i just ordered - I REALLY like the extra thick ones, mostly because i have so much unruly hair.

Back in black.

It's good to be back.

After this past week, i finally feel like i am back to where I was last fall before i totally freaked out and decided i hated running and was quitting for a month to better focus my pursuits to competitive snacking.  


I am really focusing on two things with my running right now.  
1.  Speed.  I am really slow, and proud to be slow, but i need to get a little bit faster right now in order to have people to run with.  My short stubby legs have not been keeping up.  Why, oh why, did nature give me the body layout equivalent to a wiener dog?

This is me, all torso, no limbs....

I would love to get my pace down to 8:30-9:00 for my shorter runs by the end of the year.  I am hoping if i chase after Keren and Kelsey enough, it might actually happen!

2.  Quality.  I would like to have "stupid, crappy runs" less often.  Part of why i was so burnt out last season is that i was pushing to hard to make goals, so my body felt like crap, and my mind felt even worse.  I should finish this year without hating running.  or crying during a race.

SO, in order to help focus on these elements, i have made a few goals for this year.  And hopefully, people will help me stick to them.

1.  I would like to run a sub 2:00 half marathon this spring/summer, and possibly a 1:55 by fall.  

2.  I am going to run 3 marathons this year.  Two i will be really training for, and the third i intend to run/walk/drink my way through.

    a.  The first marathon is in may.  I just want to finish.  Lord help me, i just want to finish.

    b.  The second marathon is in Oct.  I want to run it in 4:00:00.  I really want to break that barrier.  

    c.  The third i also just want to finish.  I am only doing it for the bragging rights of an international marathon.
3.  I want to run one race in an elaborate hand made costume.  
I am still kicking around ideas, but i think it would be awesome to force convince someone to run a race with me dressed as ABBA

I wish i could say i was kidding right now, but this would be SO AWESOME!

Naked cowgirl is also in the running, especially if there ends up being a really hot race this summer...

All i would really need is an inflatable guitar....

As always, i am open to suggestions....

4.  I kind of want to try a trail race.  Nothing extreme, i just want to dip my toe in the water...

5.  I want to help someone reach a goal of theirs.  Any goal.  I just want to be a part of it.

I also have a couple non running goals:

1.  Get a haircut.  Like this week.  Its becoming a real disaster up there.

2.  Stop worrying so much.  From here on out, i plan to approach all my problems as Kesha would.  I'm gonna go at it hard, and there is going to be lots of glitter.  and booze.

If ever i had a soulmate...

3. Nice black pants.  I'm gonna own some.  It is time.

4.  I'm going to try and at least limit the candy intake.  I am starting to have concern for my teeth.  As jank as they are, they chew my food, and for that i love them.

5.  Finalize my zombie preparedness kit.  You never know...you just never know.... 

6.  More pictures.  Life is just too short.  And my face is just too beautiful.

Anyone else make some big goals for this year?  I feel like most people did it in January, but it takes me at least a month to commit to the goal making process.

I ain't afraid of no cold...(or am i?!?!)

I have been religiously checking the CARA facebook page to see whether or not our run would still happen tomorrow.  My main concerns were this:

ouch.

But even more importantly, this:

Seriously, ouch.

They just sent out an email that said GAME ON, so i am in trouble.  To add salt to the wound, or to perhaps shame me into showing up and not whining like a baby, they put this motivational poster on their facebook page:

right...

And to that, i felt the need to respond with one of my "questionably motivational" posters.

What can i say?  I speak the truth.  The cold, hard truth.

Be sure to turn in tomorrow to see what i wear, at what point i curl up on the path and cry, and most importantly, my thoughts on the olympic marathon trials.