Lets light the fires and kick the tires!

It's that week.  Whatever my performance will be, it's locked in.  This week i will not get stronger.  Or weaker.  I won't gain any (actual) weight, or lose any.  I won't get faster.  (but I may get slower.)  The weather is not likely going to radically change. All i can do is wait.  And NAP.  

All i want to do is sleep.  I know that scientifically, you can't "bank sleep", but i'll be damned if i'm not going to try my hardest.  

I still haven't finalized my outfit yet.  The hang up is what shirt to wear.  I am not used to planning for 50 degree weather...should i wear long sleeves?  Arm warmers?  Ugh, first world problems.  I am both nervous, and serenely calm at the same time.  My current emotions can best be interpreted by this picture:

The best way to eat 200 hot dogs is also the best way to run a marathon: One at a time.

I don't know why, but this picture sums up taper week for me.  I am that fat cat, looking at an enormous challenge ahead of him (his is what must be at least 200 hot dogs, mine is a mere 26 miles)  But we both want it really, really bad.  This cat is my mantra for the race, and i will think of him when things get hard.  I even printed this photo and hung it by my desk.  I freaking love you, cat staring at 200 hot dogs.  I love you.  

What are you wearing on race day?  Does this cat make you as happy as it makes me? Did you get a chance to nap this weekend?

Goals for Chicago

I cannot stress how important it has to have a detailed plan A, plan B, and plan C;  I'm not gonna lie, sometimes even a D when it comes to race day.  Something, whether it good or bad, is going shake things up, and you will be faced with a string of complications on race day that never seemed to be an issue before.   

Whether it be the weather, something we ate (or didn't) in the week before the race. lack of sleep. rogue shoelaces. seeing someone we love on the course. seeing someone we hate on the course. a broken ipod. a broken garmin. broken sunglasses. a random spot of chafing that never appeared on any of the training runs. pain in your toe. pain in your knee. pain in your stomach. the wrong flavor gu?  mystery drink that is not the gatorade promised. Is there a pinecone in my shoe?  There are too many people. Why aren't there any people? I'm going too fast.  I'm going too slow.  I am going the perfect speed yet still I'm filled with anxiety.  Is that a rain cloud?  Did someone just spit on me?? The mile markers are off.  Did i leave the stove on?  No seriously, is it on??? RENT! I forgot to pay rent in all my marathon anxiety!  My toenail has fallen off.  i just know it.  I can feel it.  Where are my friends?  They said they would be at mile 15!  or was it 17?  WTF did the pace leader go?? WHO SMELLS?  why did i wear this - what was i thinking??  All i want is ice.  This-is-the-longest-six-miles-i-have-ever-run. everyone is staring at me because i am going so slow.  Why am i sweating so more than everyone else?  I want to take my shoes off SO BAD!  Cotton socks were a bad choice.  Don't die. Don't die. Don't die.

Yeah, there are a lot of variables.  As an anxiety sufferer, the race day for me is really hard - much harder than all the training miles.  It is especially hard for me to prepare myself for Chicago, as their will be approximately 44,500 more people than my other two marathons.  Combined.  I tend to panic in crowds.  But, the best way for me to calm my nerves is to HAVE A MULTI-FACETED PLAN.

If there isn't water? Don't you leave it up to fate.  Bring your own.  Remember Rockford.
If it's hot?  no compression socks.  salt pills.  Start at a 10:40 pace.
If it's cold? Arm warmers.  Don't over dress, you always over dress.
If it rains?  Screw you bitches, because i am having a great race.  I love rain.
If i fall?  Get back up.  But go ahead and be dramatic about it.
If my calf is sore? Slow down, take it easy
If my calf pain becomes sharp? Stop race.  Cannot risk missing Dublin.
If someone holds out hand?  High five it.  High fives are awesome.

I think i am ready.  I am also reminding myself that this is technically a training run for another race.  And either way, i am not that fast of a runner anyway, i will always be in the middle of the party pack.  It's how i roll.

Goal A: Stars align.  Run a steady pace with the 4:30 group.  Lots of smiles.  It's a party. 
Goal B: Finish under 5 hours.  Keep whining to a minimum.
Goal C: It's my party, and i'll cry if i want to. 

What's your game plan for the marathon?

Seriously? I mean, SERIOUSLY?

I apologize in advance, because this has nothing to do with running, tapering, the marathon, the other marathon, candy, food in general, first world problems (well, maybe first world problems) or waffles.


This is a rant about the raised in a barn degenerates of suburban glenview.  

So, just so you know, i am the kind of girl to wait until the last possible minute to put gas in my car.  I am frequently late for everything, and basically, it is below me (kidding.  sort of.)  So, by the time last night rolled around, i left work desperately needing gas, as the empty light had turned on half way through my commute TO work.  Obviously, this was a fueling EMERGENCY.

I pull into the Shell that i pass to get onto the highway, and naturally, every pump is occupied, because my life sucks.  I wait, ever so patiently for a pump to open up, and when one does, i casually direct my car towards the pump, when someone ZOOMS into the spot at 300 miles per hour, cutting me off.  Are you F***ING kidding me??? UGH! so rude.  I back up, and wait for the next one.  Another one opens up, but its on the opposite side of my gas tank, so i commence the awkward ballet of turning my stupid car around so i can back in.  Meanwhile, someone ZOOMS in and takes the spot that i am very obviously backing into.  At this point, my ginger rage is in full effect.  I give it one last chance, and pull around to the other side to a spot that just opened up. This time, not only am i cut off, but i am cut off by someone who isn't even putting gas in their car, they are just stealing the spot to run in and buy cigarettes, and this spot was closer than the epic walk from the open parking spot less than 100 feet away.

At this point i just started screaming and laying on the horn, having a full fledged nuclear meltdown within the confines of my car.  I didn't know whether to cry, or to start ramming my car into everyone around me, Towanda style.

I ended up leaving, and going to another gas station, but i barely made it, and those rude, self-absorbed, lexus driving suburbanites basically ruined my evening.  Should the suburb of glenview suddenly burst into flames, i would not be sad.  Not one bit.

Taper Madness - scourge of the first world.

1.  Pinterest, i know i loved you at one point, but that love has turned into a venomous hate.  It is you that has driven me to consume no less than 3 pumpkin muffins on a daily basis for the past week!  Also, why would you have a recipe for 24 muffins without a freaking warning??  24 muffins in a house of two people is dangerous.  

Recipe here

I managed to stop myself after one and a half muffins today.  It's like weaning yourself off of crack.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

2.  As you may know, i have been nursing a sore muscle in my calf.  It turns out its probably my "soleus" and the injury isn't even from running.  It's most likely from standing in one place for 12 hours straight at music festivals the day before my 20 miler (and then running a 20-miler).  When my mom told me rock n roll music was dangerous, i had know idea how right she was.  Also probably why you see very few mohawks during a marathon.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEM.

3.  Did you know dogs don't have a soleus?

FIRST WORLD SOLUTIONS!

4.  Speaking of princess waffles, we got her a new coat!  And she hates it.

That is the face of stoic intolerance.  She refused to move in the coat.  Like at all.  She stood there like a statue glaring at me until i took it off.  Maybe because it isn't silk and cashmere like her majesty requires, and rather a random boots & barkley coat i bought at target when hoarding the candy corn i finally located.  I thought because it was plaid, she might be tricked into thinking it was burberry, but no dice.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

5.  I got a random email from my vet on ways to battle pet obesity.  Oh, the irony!  My dog could not be fat even if she tried.  She invented the dog hunger strike.  This is what our EVERY morning looks like.

How DARE you try to feed me dog food!  I DEMAND the 2 day old tin can that used to be filled with clam chowder sitting in the bottom of the garbage!

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

6.  My coworker just sent me this article about Zombie Bees in Washington.  Apparently, they fly around at night erratically and then die.  I was slightly disappointed that the bees seemingly have no desire to eat other bees, which to me, is the core of being a zombie.  These could just as easily be "crackhead bees"  But, zom-BEEs sounds so adorable.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

7.  Are you noticing a complete lack of a train of thought here?  Thats because taper madness is in full effect.  I am losing my mind.  Lets just run the freaking marathon already, and stop giving mother nature the opportunity to get hotter.  If my brain degrades any further, i am going to be comatose.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

8.  I have these adorable hot hand packs from restoration hardware that we got for a project last year, and seeing as my office has been freezing this week, i decided to try them out.  Only as it turns out, my weak little fingers were not strong enough to activate the heating disk.  May i remind you these little hot pads are made for children?  I sat there for 20 minutes waiting for them to get warm, and they did not.  Finally my coworker asked my why i was sitting at my desk holding a cold heating pack and staring at it angrily.  I embarrass myself daily.

foiled again!

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

9.  One more day until i can obsessively compulsively start checking the 10 day weather forecast.  I am on the verge of peeing myself in anticipation.

Don't you screw me over again, weather!

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

10.  Waffles' "final" for puppy class intermediate is this Sunday.  Guess who will most likely be failing this puppy class, and bring shame upon the house of Gingerfoxxx?

Training a basenji is like teaching Helen Keller to dance. 
No offense, Ms. Keller.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

I deeply apologize for this random spewing of a blog post.  All the carbs i am eating are restricting blood flow from my brain.

Fort 2 Base!

Obviously, my brain is malfunctioning a little, as this race review is a day late and dollar short.  Actually, it is not a dollar short, but it is short a few photos.  In fact, i don't even know where my camera is these days - taper madness has me a hot mess!

On Sunday, i woke up pre dawn to drive up to the great lakes naval base for the 2nd annual Fort 2 Base race!  The race comes highly acclaimed, and i was lucky enough to win an entry through Maggie's blog.  

The drive to the base took longer than i expected, even at 5 am.  Its an awkward distance from home in that its not far enough for me to get a hotel, but its a solid drive to get to and from.  Maggie had warned me to get there really early, but apparently my interpretation of early is no where near early enough.  When i got to the offsite parking area, the lot was full!  Luckily, Mayhem had taken over, and people were just illegally parking everywhere.  It was a morning i was very grateful for my mediocre at best parallel parking abilities.  From there, we were shuttled to the start line which was somewhere in Fort Sheridan.  The line for port-a-potties was REDONK, so i made an executive decision to hold it.  And, if you want my advice on any race 13 miles or less where there is an insane porta-potty line- just hold it.  Usually the urge to pee dissipates after a few miles.  And if not, the lines on the course are usually non-existant.  But holding it is good advice for life - so i hope you wrote that down.

I felt a little useless at the start - they were honoring all those who have served in the military.  Which is definitely not me.  I felt a little guilty.  But then the race started and it was awesome again!  I positioned myself in between the 10:00 and the 9:30 pace group (my goal pace for Dublin is 9:40, my goal pace for chicago is PARTY)  and just hung out there.  Somewhere between miles 6-7 an older gentleman started talking to me.  He spent a good chunk of his life on the naval base, and just started telling me all kinds of stories.  It was so awesome, and the miles just flew by.  It was really amazing to see the lake views from the naval base - as a civilian, i would never have otherwise gotten the chance.  I regret not bringing my camera, and will totally do so next year!  by the time we got to the giant downhill that preceded the giant uphill, my calf started to hurt something fierce.  Luckily my older gentleman friend was able to motivate me keep going (he was running repeats on this hill when i was a fetus, he reminded me), and the uphill was actually much easier for me than the downhill.

Minus the pain in calf, i felt strong, and fully capable of continuing on.  It's rare that i finish a race feeling good about myself as a runner, so this was a huge boost with two marathons on the agenda next month.  And, i suppose its a PR for me, as i have never run 10 Nautical miles before.  Sadly, i still don't know what a nautical mile is - i thought that question might answer itself while on the course.

Post race had just about the best swag i have ever seen at a race.  No joke.  Larabars, cookies, gatorade, muscle milk, CHEESE!, and even deodorant samples.  It's like they knew i would be there.

I met up with these hip ladies

And then hopped on a bus back to my illegally parked car.  

Topline: This race was awesome.  The view was amazing, and everyone volunteering was awesome.  Sexy men in uniform can high-five me anytime.  ANYTIME.  I will do this race next year (schedule permitting) and plan on dragging Matt along too!

Pros:  Beautiful course; Chance for civilians to be on naval base; awesome medal and (excellent fitting!) shirt; good-looking menfolk (and ladyfolk!) in uniform motivating you along the course; Better post race spread than most marathons; and great distance (this seems so much easier than 13.1!)

Cons:  Parking.  My understanding is that it improved, but is still nowhere near seamless; Its a bit a little bit of a trek from Chicago; start area could use more porta-potties.  

You know if my biggest complaint is having to wait to pee, it must be a pretty awesome race.  I had a great time, and would recommend this to everyone.  Learn from my mistakes though, and bring a camera!  When else will you be running along the lakefront of a naval base??

Everyday i'm tapering!

Thats all i have for today folks - Taper on!

**Kim pointed out that i am making grammatical errors left and right - does anyone else feel "less sharp" during taper weeks?  I am not brightest bulb to begin with, but man, tapering makes me feel physically AND mentally slow!  It's like my brain is on vay-cay...hopefully somewhere nice!

In the meantime, more coffee!!!

Like a moth to the flame

Here we are, 16 days away from the Chicago Marathon, and i can't help but recall my first marathon, exactly 4 months ago.  If you didn't read the horrific shit show that it was, you can check it out HERE.  Granted, as i lay there, presumably dying, i vowed to never ever run a marathon again.  But here i am, 16 days away from one.  Granted, my experience at the Rockford Marathon was basically what nightmares are made of, but now, four months later, i am glad i went through it.  It showed me what a strong person i am physically and mentally, and that perseverance is the single most important factor in running a marathon.  Oh, and water.  That is super important too, Rockford... 

Ok, the actual intent of this post - I got this in my email:

Registration for the 2013 Rockford Marathon is now open.

Why would i even look twice at this??

On one hand, Rockford is where i grew up, and i kind of feel like it really needs my help.  It's a failed manufacturing town with violent crime and unemployment rates that rival Detroit and Flint.  Its number 9 on the top 10 list of most dangerous cities to live.  But its still my hometown, and quite frankly, it needs help.  It needs revenues, and it needs a little bit of a "character makeover."  I really want to see the Rockford marathon be successful, something that shows how great Rockford can be.

But on the other hand, THIS MARATHON ALMOST KILLED ME.  Seriously.  Limping through one of the worst neighborhoods in town, delirious from dehydration, while crack heads look at you like you're the crazy one is not pretty.  Or safe.  Or forgivable.  Sports Event Management totally botched this event by not having enough water, not canceling the race when the temps hit 90,  and leaving people out on the course alone and confused.  And unconscious.  I would like to think they learned a valuable lesson from their failures, but would i stake my life on it?

But on the other hand, it's so cheap!  under $50 with my CARA discount, and i have a place to stay, and a babysitter for waffles.  And part of me (the ferocious, vengeance-seeking part) wants to show this race that i will f*ck it up the same way it did to me.

In short, i have this question for you.  If you had a truly horrific experience at a race (that was in part because of race management), would you ever go back for more?  Am i a masochist??