Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Whaaaa? It's Wednesday??

Sorry for being MIA yesterday, i was having a bit of anxiety, which i will probably go more into tomorrow.  Today, there are more important matters at hand.  Like first world problems.


1.  I went to the grocery store this weekend and bought a bunch of bananas.  It's one of the only fruits that is acceptable right now because everything else is out of season, therefore over priced and tastes like crap.  I also set the bananas on top of the toaster oven so that i could clean the kitchen counter.


Then Matt decides to toast himself a sandwich, completely ignoring the bananas sitting on top of the toaster oven.
BURNED.  MY BANANAS ARE BURNED.  Even the dog is stunned.  I am so pissed!  A brand new bunch of bananas, ruined!  And don't anyone even say that i can eat around the burnt part, because i refuse.  I REFUSE.  Thats what makes this a first world problem.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


2.  I worked from home yesterday, which meant i could curl up on the couch with my laptop, but my spaz dog decided to spend the entire day digging at a couch cushion like she was trying to tunnel to China.  ALL DAY.  the digging was only stopped by brief periods of sleep, which i can only assume are from exhaustion due to digging.
video
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


3.  I ended up spending 14 hours trying to motivate myself to run.  By the time i did, it was 10'o'clock, and i had to go to the gym to do so.  I hate the treadmill so much.  I ran 4 disappointing miles, and vowed never to procrastinate again.  As i was doing my cool down, some freakazoid actually threw her towel on my treadmill to call dibs.  While i was on it.  AND STILL MOVING.  I could have tripped!  and based on the fact that you are 50 lbs overweight and wearing jewelry, you are probably not very familiar with gym etiquette.  You are seriously the worst gym ever, X-sport.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


4.  The only reason i didn't quit my run after one mile was because Con Air was on.  I'm so ashamed.  I  don't know why i love that movie so much.  I know people were judging me for watching it, but whatever, i don't have cable.  The best part was, a guy got on the treadmill next to me, turned on BET, and then proceeded to watch Con Air off my screen the entire time.
PUT THE BUNNY IN THE BOX.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


5.  For the past week, i have been watching old episodes of 30 rock on netflix in my spare time.  It made me assess my current state of affairs.
- always disheveled?  check.
- Constantly eating junk? check.
- Overworked, underpaid? check.
- Dresses like a homeless person?  check.
- Lesbian footwear?  check.


It's official.  I'm Liz Lemon.
TWINSIES??
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


6. I went to Potbelly's for lunch on Monday, and when i was there, i was stuck behind of a herd of 8 year olds.  (a herd is 6, in case you needed specifics to help visualize)  Another customer actually asked them who was in charge (i.e. where the f*** are your parents?)  To which the tallest of the 8 year olds responded, "i'm in charge, see?" as he presented a handful of $20's.  SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.  Did you really just hand a herd of kids some 20 dollar bills and leave them at a potbellys??  In the middle of the lunch rush for working class folks like myself??


And these were not well behaved children mind you.  If we were in the third world, those kids would have stood there like little angels in line to get a sandwich - because they would be so greatful for the sandwich!  These brats were crawling up the chip display, and knocked over the hand sanitizing station, spilling sanitizer all over the floor.  And they were yelling.  I literally took out my birth control and took my pill standing in that line behind those brats.  And people watched me do it.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


7.  I have mentioned that our office has a "wellness initiative"  Which basically means that they got rid of the vending machine, and instead got us a mini fridge of healthy snacks we can purchase instead.  This morning i went over to it and saw this:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?????  What am i supposed to eat now??  Seriously, who can't afford a quarter for a string cheese.  I will find whoever did this.  I WILL FIND YOU.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


8.  So apparently Matt decided to start a rival blog, because i wouldn't let him post on mine unless he pre-submitted a topic for me to approve.  The only problem is, his blog is just him making snarky comments on random things.  Who would ever read a blog like that??  oh wait....


It's on Matt, it's on...


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


9.  I have been stalking these pants at j. crew for weeks and lusting after them:
I finally went and tried them on, and the waist was too big, so i needed to go down a size, however my calves were already stuffed into them like sausages.   I could barely get them off.  I know i keep complaining about my thigh-sized calves, but this one hurt.  It really hurt.  Goodbye beautiful pants.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

10.  Lollapalooza tickets are for sale - however the one day passes are already sold out.  So if i want to go, i need to buy a three day pass.  They aren't even announcing the line-up for another week!  It's like playing musical russian roulette.  I don't like those odds.  I am not about to shell out hundreds of dollars and then find out that miley cyrus and clay aiken are head-lining.  Risk taker i am NOT.
DO YOU FEEL LUCKY?

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

25 comments:

  1. HAHHAHAHA. I love this week's addition. The bananas. The towel on the treadmill. Taking your bc pill at Potbelly's... what a week! (So far!)

    You know, we actually have a camera in our pantry because people steal each other's food from the fridge. How lame is that?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's insane!! In what world do people just take food? (obviously the 1st world, haha) I am working on a passive aggressive response note right now! :)

      Delete
  2. I LOVE CON AIR! I wouldn't judge you for watching. I'd see you watching it, turn to the same channel, and realize we should be friends. I also don't know why I like it.

    My husband has melted the butter dish on top of our toaster oven before. "Oh, let me get some butter. Wait, what happened?" This.

    I am also Liz Lemon. You should watch old episodes of Parks and Recreation! Season 1 is kind of lame but all others are hilarious. HILARIOUS. (P.S. The episode with Ginuwine is also Jerry's birthday episode in the current season.)

    I love that this is a weekly post. It somehow makes Wednesdays easier.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHAHA! I am in tears over the butter image. so amazing and true.

      Delete
  3. Hahaha love it. seeing horrible children always reminds me to take my pills too.
    Have you tried the Zelda Jean Legging things from Express? They aren't very legging-ish, more like skinny jeans, and they come in that same coral-ish color. They fit pretty well! I always have the same problem with J. Crew pants. I can only wear the skirts, shorts, and tops.
    PS That video of your dog is hilarious. Him and my cat would be obnoxious best friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oooo! i actually went into express and tried on something - it wasn't zelda though, it was like the producer or the sports newscaster or something. I will have to go back!

      And i think my dog thinks its a cat. it acts like one in so many ways!

      Delete
  4. Thanks I needed this. My issues which I will post here, not my own is that I am losing my job (as in closing the office). It is day by day. It sucks. I am interviewing, but it is likely I will not have insurance as of Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh noooo!! I feel you there. My job has been on the line for about a year now. The stress is the worst kind, going in every day and wondering if you have a job! Hang in there - it might be paving the way for an even better job :)

      Delete
  5. Ok so much to respond to!

    1) Kiwi - apparently in season? I don't know, all I know is kiwi is hella good right now.

    2) Our dog does this shit,...in bed,...at 11pm when we're trying to sleep. Devil's work, I swear.

    3) Xsport blows, I've been a member for 4 months and I'm canceling that shit, but you know what is even worse? To cancel you have to mail a friggin' letter! What ever happened to just up and leaving a joint and saying peace out?

    4) To this day, if Con Air is on TV, my husband knows he has no choice but to watch it with me b/c I WILL DEMAND IT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Obviously i need to reinvestigate kiwi as a daily fruit. Then i can be the girl who sits at her desk eating a kiwi!!

      Delete
  6. Once again, you've got me sitting here at my desk, trying to not laugh out loud, 'cause then I'd have to explain to my students what was so funny........so instead, I'm going to get a headache from holding it in. FIRST WORLD PROBLEM (ok, maybe not....but I've wanted to co-opt that for a while now!)

    The bananas.....classic!

    The towel on the 'mill.....not funny, and definitely dangerous. You should've wiped all your sweat all over the machine, picked up her towel, and used it to wipe down the machine, then toss it to her with a smile!

    "Con Air"....we've all got guilty pleasures. For me, it's either "Road House" or "The Replacements"......movies that end up on cable roughly 5 times a day. I don't apologize anymore when my wife shakes her head and leaves the room......tee hee!

    I used to keep my salad dressing in the fridge in our teachers' lounge.......until others decided it was "free salad dressing"...........what possesses people to eat things that clearly do not belong to them????

    Can't say I have that problem with the pants......but I hope you figure it out. :>)


    P.S. Wish you would change your settings so I didn't have to continually prove I'm not a robot.......really, I'm a human......in spite of what my students might think! LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This will come as no surprise to you: i had no idea it had word verification on comments! I think i changed it in the settings now, but let me know if it still asks! (seriously, who let me have a blog???)

      Delete
    2. Seriously, girl....who actually looks at the settings on these blogs? It just really started to bother me (not just yours, but others.....WAY too many others!) and then I thought about how it might annoy the few people who read my blog, so I dug around and found how to get rid of it.....

      Now I'm waiting for some robots to comment on my blog!

      Delete
  7. You forgot: always has spilled food on her shirt? wears a lot of plaid? laughs at her own jokes? That's me! My fiancé loooooves to compare me to Liz Lemon. I don't know what's worse, acting like Liz Lemon or loving someone who acts like Liz Lemon. I guess they go together so I shouldn't worry so much. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my god, i totally forgot about the food all over. Seriously, lettuce in my hair happens at least once a week, and i don't even know how....

      Delete
    2. Do toothpaste stains on your shirt count too? Yesterday's outfit had toothpaste on the pants, blazer, and shirt. Thankfully I was wearing 3 layers to get toothpaste on.

      Delete
    3. HAHAHAHA, thats amazing!! I do that all the time with deodorant, but toothpaste, that is just setting a new goal for me!

      Delete
  8. P.S. Did you get your compression socks in the mail today? I DID! :)

    P.P.S. Are you wearing your Get Lucky hoodie while taking the banana photo? I recognize those thumb holes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AH!! I can't wait to go home now, i bet they did come! And yes thats the get lucky hoodie, i was not joking when i said i wear it every single day!

      Delete
  9. Oh my gosh. We might live the same life. My bananas currently suck. Kids in public drive me crazy. And Xsport = the devil.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Too many things to comment on! Is that a first world problem?

    I am super picky about bananas. If that happened to mine I would be very sad.

    You are not alone in your Con Air love. I watch that movie all the time. I even had it on VHS...until recently when I realized I didn't even have a VCR.

    Did you try these pants at the Gap: http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=57240&vid=1&pid=331528&scid=331528002

    I am wearing them today. And if anyone has larger calves than me but is a normal size everywhere else than I need to meet them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think i am going to go to gap on my lunch and try them on! Thanks for the heads up!

      Delete
  11. My cat "digs" all the time too. My friend who is a vet tech says it's called "making biscuits" and it's a sign that your pet is content/happy. I don't think cats can actually feel joy, so in this case "happy" = not plotting my death.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Its funny, the breed is known for being "cat-like" Which basically means "aloof" which is code for= will not kill you as long as you are the food-bringer. ahhhhh, pets.

      Delete