Whaaaa? It's Wednesday??

Sorry for being MIA yesterday, i was having a bit of anxiety, which i will probably go more into tomorrow.  Today, there are more important matters at hand.  Like first world problems.


1.  I went to the grocery store this weekend and bought a bunch of bananas.  It's one of the only fruits that is acceptable right now because everything else is out of season, therefore over priced and tastes like crap.  I also set the bananas on top of the toaster oven so that i could clean the kitchen counter.

Then Matt decides to toast himself a sandwich, completely ignoring the bananas sitting on top of the toaster oven.

BURNED.  MY BANANAS ARE BURNED.  Even the dog is stunned.  I am so pissed!  A brand new bunch of bananas, ruined!  And don't anyone even say that i can eat around the burnt part, because i refuse.  I REFUSE.  Thats what makes this a first world problem.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


2.  I worked from home yesterday, which meant i could curl up on the couch with my laptop, but my spaz dog decided to spend the entire day digging at a couch cushion like she was trying to tunnel to China.  ALL DAY.  the digging was only stopped by brief periods of sleep, which i can only assume are from exhaustion due to digging.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


3.  I ended up spending 14 hours trying to motivate myself to run.  By the time i did, it was 10'o'clock, and i had to go to the gym to do so.  I hate the treadmill so much.  I ran 4 disappointing miles, and vowed never to procrastinate again.  As i was doing my cool down, some freakazoid actually threw her towel on my treadmill to call dibs.  While i was on it.  AND STILL MOVING.  I could have tripped!  and based on the fact that you are 50 lbs overweight and wearing jewelry, you are probably not very familiar with gym etiquette.  You are seriously the worst gym ever, X-sport.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


4.  The only reason i didn't quit my run after one mile was because Con Air was on.  I'm so ashamed.  I  don't know why i love that movie so much.  I know people were judging me for watching it, but whatever, i don't have cable.  The best part was, a guy got on the treadmill next to me, turned on BET, and then proceeded to watch Con Air off my screen the entire time.

PUT THE BUNNY IN THE BOX.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


5.  For the past week, i have been watching old episodes of 30 rock on netflix in my spare time.  It made me assess my current state of affairs.
- always disheveled?  check.
- Constantly eating junk? check.
- Overworked, underpaid? check.
- Dresses like a homeless person?  check.
- Lesbian footwear?  check.


It's official.  I'm Liz Lemon.

TWINSIES??

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


6. I went to Potbelly's for lunch on Monday, and when i was there, i was stuck behind of a herd of 8 year olds.  (a herd is 6, in case you needed specifics to help visualize)  Another customer actually asked them who was in charge (i.e. where the f*** are your parents?)  To which the tallest of the 8 year olds responded, "i'm in charge, see?" as he presented a handful of $20's.  SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.  Did you really just hand a herd of kids some 20 dollar bills and leave them at a potbellys??  In the middle of the lunch rush for working class folks like myself??


And these were not well behaved children mind you.  If we were in the third world, those kids would have stood there like little angels in line to get a sandwich - because they would be so greatful for the sandwich!  These brats were crawling up the chip display, and knocked over the hand sanitizing station, spilling sanitizer all over the floor.  And they were yelling.  I literally took out my birth control and took my pill standing in that line behind those brats.  And people watched me do it.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


7.  I have mentioned that our office has a "wellness initiative"  Which basically means that they got rid of the vending machine, and instead got us a mini fridge of healthy snacks we can purchase instead.  This morning i went over to it and saw this:

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?????  What am i supposed to eat now??  Seriously, who can't afford a quarter for a string cheese.  I will find whoever did this.  I WILL FIND YOU.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


8.  So apparently Matt decided to start a rival blog, because i wouldn't let him post on mine unless he pre-submitted a topic for me to approve.  The only problem is, his blog is just him making snarky comments on random things.  Who would ever read a blog like that??  oh wait....


It's on Matt, it's on...


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


9.  I have been stalking these pants at j. crew for weeks and lusting after them:

I finally went and tried them on, and the waist was too big, so i needed to go down a size, however my calves were already stuffed into them like sausages.   I could barely get them off.  I know i keep complaining about my thigh-sized calves, but this one hurt.  It really hurt.  Goodbye beautiful pants.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

10.  Lollapalooza tickets are for sale - however the one day passes are already sold out.  So if i want to go, i need to buy a three day pass.  They aren't even announcing the line-up for another week!  It's like playing musical russian roulette.  I don't like those odds.  I am not about to shell out hundreds of dollars and then find out that miley cyrus and clay aiken are head-lining.  Risk taker i am NOT.

DO YOU FEEL LUCKY?

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.