Yeah, I'm still here!
Miles: 19.5
Martinis: 3
Stretching: Constantly!!
Cross-training: Lots of time with the pup :)
Overall outlook? Thats kind of a long story.
Kim wrote this post about priorities a while back that has been constantly on my mind. I know that my blog, and running in general should be high on my priority list, but it just is not right now. In fact, career has been at the top of my priority list for the past month. I know that makes me sound like an asshole, but its true. I really do want to be successful at my job. As a result, everything else has suffered. Mostly, running and the blog, though. I have been terrible at keeping up with my own blog, and all my friend's blogs, and i promise you its something I'm working on right now. Now that i started a new, and ultimately much better for me job, i am able to look back over the past few months, and realize I was really and seriously depressed, and i didn't even realize it. I was so miserable, and i felt like there was no escape. This week alone, my energy has tripled. I have been catching up on every i have been neglecting for months (except the blog, whoopsies!) but primarily my health. I am starting to feel human again. All my training has been crap this year, not because i became a terrible runner, but because i was really unhealthy, mentally and physically.
But now that i am in a better place, i can shift priorities again. I can focus this energy and health into rebuilding myself as a runner again, something i have neglected. I have been beating myself up over not being able to run as much or do as much as everyone else, and that is stupid because it just ends in tears and drinking. I even had a breakdown over all this during my long run on Saturday - how i have been failing for the entire year. A complete stranger just looked at me and said, "You're really hard on yourself, aren't you?" And it kind of hit me that, yeah, i am kind of an asshole to myself.
I don't know where any of this is going, i just felt the need to explain why i have been absent, why i haven't been running, and why i have been neglecting the blog. My priorities are in a state of constant movement right now. My health is now shifting to priority one - Eating right, sleeping enough, and exercise! Two things I am really excited about? Joining a Roller Derby group (more on that later) and Soon joining the ymca by my work (probably more on that as well). I am now able to start rebuilding myself, and i am very excited to do so.
I hope you will stick around watch :)
Sorry to get all serious- I have an awesome story about vomiting on the lakefront trail coming up tomorrow!
***********************************Quick like a foxxx!*********************************
Oh, Sara. You are NOT an asshole. Well, except maybe to yourself. Switching jobs is stressful and requires a lot of your focus. It'll balance out again soon.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about us...we'll be here :)
Hope the new gig is going well....
Focusing on your career doesn't make you an asshole! We spend 40 (or more?) hours a week working, so if you're doing something that makes you that unhappy, it IS something you should focus on improving. I quit a job like that several years back - I was clinically diagnosed as depressed when I was debating leaving, and suddenly felt fine within a couple weeks of quitting, so a bad job can have a really big impact on your well-being. Your health is a really important thing to focus on right now, and I'm glad to hear you're on track with that.
ReplyDeleteAlso, can't wait to hear more about the Roller Derby league. That sounds so fun! Do you have a cool derby name?
Dude, do not even worry! Blogging should not be at the top of your priorities list! This is just something we do for fun! If you're busy with more important things (job, relationships, family, dog, health, sleep, or you just need a break from blogging, etc), DO NOT FEEL BAD! You just started a new job, not only is that a huge transition, but I assume it included weeks (months?) of a job search as well. Plus being miserable at your old job. You're busy, we get it, we understand, we've all been there, no apologies or guilt necessary!!
ReplyDeleteBut I do want to hear more about this roller derby league, and I want to come to a match or bout or whatever. (CRB Roller Derby Cheer Squad?? Can we make shirts???)
Maybe you need even more "Waffles time", which along with the martinis are sure-fire cures for the blues. BTW, you seem to have a knack for total strangers talking to you in your moments of despair (remember the Dublin Marathon woman?). Anyway, I'll still be here waiting for your next restaurant recommendation, vomit story or a post of a picture of you with the new pope. :-)
ReplyDeleteRoller Derby! HELLZ YEAH!
ReplyDeleteAnd like the others said, you are not an a-hole. And... gosh, career should be much higher on my priority list (thanks for the shout out!!!). It makes me so happy to hear how much better you feel, and just after a few days! It's so hard to feel like crap for so long, especially to realize later that you are depressed. It sounds like you have found what you are looking for though :)
This comments makes no sense. Sigh. Just happy you are feeling better! :)
Your career and family and well being should all come
ReplyDeleteBefore running. Running doesn't pay your bills. It's a hobby, just like blogging and is meant to be fun. Don't ever apologize for that!!! :)
Hope things are on the up swing for you now, and hope to see more photos of waffles and hear about the lakefront vom story in the next post! Cheers
It's so much easier to be hard on yourself, take a step back and enjoy what you have accomplished and enjoy each little victory with your goals!
ReplyDeleteI can totally see you in Roller Derby! LOL! Good luck & Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteRelax, take a breath. Focus on you. It's okay; don't apologize.
I am glad that you are in a happy place right now. Being happy is a good thing!
ReplyDeleteA roller derby group?! This, I can't wait to hear about!
You're apologizing for your career being at the top of your priority list? You ARE hard on yourself! If your job is making you miserable of course you should put career at the top. Like Anne said, we spend so much time at work that if we're miserable there chances are we'll be miserable everywhere else, too. I'm happy to hear that although the change has been scary (and probably stressful) it sounds like it was the right thing to do.
ReplyDeleteOh the stories you will have once you join the Y....if its any thing like my Y that is...things will definitely be looking up!!!! Glad you are happier and the new job is going well. ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt's so nice to hear you're doing better!
ReplyDeleteBut, we all missed you!
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ReplyDeleteI don't think you are an asshole. I have had a rough year, so I get it. I haven't been working out, have been eating horribly, not sleeping, etc. I keep thinking this will all work its way out.
ReplyDeleteSo we will all be here, we all have times like that in our lives. I can't wait to hear more about the new job, the pup, and of course puking on the lakefront. ;)