Wednesday, November 28, 2012

And you thought the whining would stop once it cooled off...

TOO BAD, WINTER IS A FIRST WORLD PROBLEMMMMM!

1.  Because we are spending so much time indoors, Matt is spending a crazy amount of time playing Halo, which i nag him about.  Constantly.  I just think any one over the age of 19 should not spend so much time playing a game where you shoot people and yell at the screen.  As a means to distract me, he managed to find "The Sims" for $8.  You know, that computer game for 10 year olds?  Needless to say, i can't stop playing it.  
Probably because she isn't wasting all her free time playing the Sims...
First World Problems.

2.  Speaking of the Sims, i created a Sim Sara and a Sim Matt, and they are beginning to mimic real Sara and Matt in a horrifying way.  Sim Matt keeps getting up in the middle of the night to eat snacks, and then leave dishes all over the house.  Then Sim Sara wakes up, sees the dishes, throws a temper tantrum, and goes to work angry.  It's like they're studying me....

First World Problems.

3.  Also being caused by winter, it's cold.  Like really, annoyingly cold.  I bought waffles a $3 ugly sweater to wear around the house, because we try not to turn the heat up past 68.  
Unfortunately, it was impossible to get on her.  I think they make these sweaters with pomeranians in mind, because the sweater was a nightmare.  Her chest is so narrow that the medium was baggy on her, and her awkwardly large ears and neck didn't fit through the head hole.  I had to cut out the belly part and have her wear it as a shawl.  Why is no on making clothes to fit my super awkward dog??? 

Three dollars wasted.

First World Problems.

4.  I am so sick of everyone celebrating the return of perfect running weather.  Yes, it is in fact perfect running weather.  Things this weather is NOT perfect for:

Walking my skeletor dog.
Getting into my car.
Going anywhere.
Waking up.
Grilling.
Breathing.
Preventing reptile skin.
MY HAIR.
Living a wool-free, itch-free lifestyle.

I do not like being cold.
First World Problems.

5.  The recent cold front has also left us all with a case of kennel cough.  Ok, Waffles has kennel cough, and Matt and I have people cough.  Either way, our apartment is a nightmare of phlegm and honking sounds.  None of us is really that sick, just enough for us all to be really whiny and annoying.  It doesn't help that some how tiny waffles has the loudest, deepest honking cough i have ever heard in my life.  And she only seems to cough when i am in bed, and she is not.
Once she makes it into the bed, she is miraculously cured......

First World Problems.

6.  Matt and I are getting our Christmas tree this weekend.  We had a beautiful real tree last year, shown here in blurry exhibit A:
This will be Waffles first Xmas tree!  Only problem is, we were out walking her last night, and there was a man walking with a Christmas tree, like a tiny one you would put on a table, and Waffles saw it and FREAKED THE HELL OUT.  She almost strangled herself trying to run from it.  The guy was even nice enough to stop and put the tree down so she could investigate it, but she was having none of it.  This dog hates Christmas.

First World Problems.

7.  Among other winter weather proofing, we had to put plastic over all our windows.  I want to say its because we are so environmentally conscious that we want to minimize our fuel consumption, but honestly, its because i am cheap and hate being cold.  We also did a shitty job of planning and had to tape multiple scraps together to cover the last couple windows....
I AM LIVING THE DREAM.  THE CLASSY, CLASSY DREAM!

First World Problems.

8.  I spend a lot of time talking about waffles on this blog, and i am pretty sure none of you even know that we have a second pet.  We have a pufferfish named Potbelly, and honestly, i hate the little jerk.  It is solely Matt's responsibility, and i choose to ignore him.  I tried to get along with him at first, and i even bought him fish friends, but he proceeded to eat every friend i got him.  He even bites me if i put my hand in.  This fish is an asshole.  Matt noticed a big puddle of water near his tank last night, and accused Waffles of having an accident.  She never has accidents, so i called BS.  It's also a huge puddle. I am pretty sure she isn't hiding a 2 liter bladder.  We cleaned everything up and put towels down, but we can't find a leak in PB's tank anywhere.  I am 95% sure that little jerk is spending all day splashing water out of the tank just to piss me off.  There might just come a day when Matt come home and PB is missing.  And i will not be the least bit sad.  Or guilty.  I swear.



First World Problems.

9.  I am already about to drive my car off a bridge if i have to listen to one more Christmas song.  I made it 6 days this year, which is a new record for me.  Except Bruce Springsteen's Santa Claus is coming to town.  I could listen to that shit on repeat.



First World Problems.


10. Annndddd i feel the same way about christmas movies.  Except Mickey's Christmas Carol.  I love Scrooge McDuck.  I could watch him all year round.  But seriously, all the other santa/reindeer/home for christmas/christmas miracle crap needs to GTFO my television. * 

(*I'm not a total grinch.  Although i hate that grinch movie, too.  I am actually quite fond of a miracle on 34th street.  I like that sassy girl that calls santa out on the absurdity of his existence.  She reminds me of a young me.)



First World Problems.


Notice there are no Running FWP.  I hate to admit it, but it is good running weather.  And that is only snark-free comment you are getting out of me today!

9 comments:

  1. I hate when it's freezing at work (in the summer or winter). I often wear a fleece jacket like a snuggie to make due. CLASSY.

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  2. I'm glad you understand my views on adult men playing video games. I'm such a nag!!!

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  3. I have been known to crochet dog sweaters. Just sayin...

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  4. I hate the cold weather too...

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  5. I hate cold weather and being cold too. It makes me a cranky bi-otch.
    I remember SIM- I didn't know that they even still made that game. I bet if there was a SIM "tasha & cameron" I would want to kill them.
    Poor Waffles and the Christmas tree. I hope that she won't get freaked out when you put your tree up this weekend. We are getting our tree on Friday and I can't wait. It is always fun until you have to decorate and then clean up after it for a month, remember to water it and then take the ornaments off. I hate "undecorating"...makes me cranky and is much work. Luckily Tia and Maisy don't mind the tree and they don't knock ornaments off. Or at least they haven't before, but I am sure this year they will just because I said that they haven't.
    This will be the first year we don't have to winter proof our windows because we got all new ones over the summer. Winning...for the moment. :-)

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  6. Bah hum bug! Waffles needs to get in the Christmas spirit!

    Also, I used to spend probably every waking minute playing Sims back in the day!

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  7. Ugh, that is the problem with perfect running weather - you feel cold the rest of the time. I have to take a super hot bath after a cold run to warm up - which isn't that good for me.

    LOL @ the asshole fish ;)

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  8. I couldn't agree with you more on #4!!!!!

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  9. Oh my gosh I used to be OBSESSED with the Sims. It was horrible but I loved every second of it. I still consider playing it from time to time but it would be like opening pandora's box...dangerous!

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