The aftermath

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and advice.  I've been having a lot of trouble communicating how i'm feeling since the race, primarily because part of my frontal lobe actually melted.  True story.  Obviously, i will run a marathon again.  Mostly, because i signed up for two more this year, and i can't bear to waste money.   Also because in the history of weather, Ireland has only reached 90 degrees once and it was in 1887, and summer.  So a late October marathon there is about as close as you can get to a 50 degree guarantee.  


I've been thinking a lot about Sunday, and I'm stopping the pity party right about here.  Yeah, i was in the bottom 25% of finishers for this race, and my time was about an hour and a half longer than what i could probably do in ideal conditions.  But i was looking at all the results for the race, and about 20% of the people didn't finish.  And i did finish.  Also, i think my time should be knocked down by 15 minutes for the time i spent lying on the ground.  It's only fair.


Did you know that when i was in grad school i joined a local roller derby?  Don't get too excited, i was terrible. Some would say atrocious. My petite size made me a terrible blocker, and while i could usually achieve the speeds necessary to be a jammer, i couldn't control them and would fall. every time there was a curve.  On the round track.  My one skill when skating is that i got up faster than anyone.  I fell about 300% more frequently, but i would hit the ground and spring back up over and over and over.  I was never down for more than 2-3 seconds.  I think thats my gift.  


The aftermath:
1. I'm still not hungry, which is weird.  Based on training, i thought i would have been tearing through the kitchen like the incredible hulk, but i am struggling to eat.  I just don't want food.  I have been trying to drink disgusting protein shakes/meal drinks until my appetite returns.


2.  I'm not in pain.  My feet got a little roughed up, and my calves are a little tender, but i feel fine.  The only aftereffect i have had is intense waves of nausea, which i think is just residual dehydration.  I heard that you are not supposed to run for a couple weeks, but i think 6 hours in the giant sauna on Sunday might have saved me some muscle soreness.


3.  My brain is a little wonky.  I keep misspelling words (more than usual) and mixing words up when i talk.  Math is impossible right now.  I am seriously concerned that i lost part of my brain out there.


4.  I have been coughing since the race.  I think i strained my lungs a little.  I had a lot of trouble breathing in the second half, mostly because of the hot wind.  I might have been having an asthma attack, but i was too far gone to tell.  I feel like i used that coupon for cigarettes and then smoked them all.  


5.  I keep randomly bursting into tears.  It happened about 5 times yesterday.  Seriously. Brain. is. broken.


6.  Matt's in really bad shape.  I feel awful, because he was in no way prepared to run/walk/stagger 8 miles in that heat.  If it was impossible for me, i can't imagine what it was like for him.  He is feeling pretty rough, and really nervous for the soldier field 10 miler this weekend.  It's going to be awesome though.  I kind of want to super bowl shuffle across the finish line. 


7.  I don't know if i would run the Rockford full marathon again, mostly because of PTSD, but i would definitely do the half.  It's cheap, it's flat, and in nice weather its actually pretty scenic for Rockford.  And the volunteers were amazing for what they had to put up with (understaffed and not enough water)  


8. I'm still sad and disappointed, and probably will be for a while, but thats ok.  I have other races to look forward to, and most importantly, a summer full of running with awesome people.