Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Proud Mary.

An antecdote, in case my troubles bummed you out.

1. It should be said that i love my mom, and wish no harm to come to her.
2. But if harm must come, it should at least be entertaining

(also, her name is Mary - Mary-Sue, fyi. That and i recently watched the Ike & Tina story the other night when i couldn't sleep.  I digress.)

*My mom totally approves the retelling of this story.

Last spring, my mom adopted a dog against my advice.  Not that i didn't want her to get a dog (although she already has a herd of cats) But she really wanted a husky, which is a high energy breed, and she is somewhat of a couch potato, and she is only 4'10" (way too small to manage a giant dog!).  Her reasoning is that the dog would make her get more exercise and lose weight.  My reasoning that the dog would end up getting fat and eating a bunch of pillows.  As it turns out, my mom now has a fat husky mix that likes to eat pillows, but thats ok, because they really seem to love each other.
Banner, the husky mix!
So, My mom will walk Banner along the bike path in nice weather, which runs along the charmingly polluted rock river (seen in photo).  

This past weekend, my mom agreed to meet up for a "first-dates of sorts" on this bike path.  My mom has not really dated, and i am fairly certain she does not ever want to get remarried.  But every once in a while she will go on a few dates, realize dating is awful, and then swear it off for life again.  This was one of those times.

So, she met this blind date for a walk along the river with her guard dog, Banner.  Props to her - thats actually really safe.  This dog tried to rip my arm when i hugged my mom, so he is very protective, and would never let anyone touch her.  Good boy.  Being a husky, he likes to be in the water, because anything above 40 degrees is just too hot.  Her and her date walked down to the water, so Banner could get his feet wet, and low and behold, they spot a flock of ducks on the water.

Apparently, Banner charged the ducks, causing my mom to slip on the slime covered rocks lining the polluted rock river, and he dragged her into the river.  The complete stranger that was her horrified blind date tried to pull her out, but her wrist hurt from the fall, so she asked him to take the leash instead.  And then Banner pulled this random dude into the river as well.  I have had some bad dates in my life time, but i couldn't imagine being dragged through a polluted river by a husky.  

I can't promise that proud mary was playing in the background as my mom drifted down the rock river, but i like to imagine it was.  I am also in no way comparing my mom to a river boat.

Unfortunately my mom broke her wrist in the fall.  But at least she got the best story ever out of it.  I am going this weekend to help her, because even though my brother lives with her, he can't drive, cook, and is generally useless, so i am going to go help her out this weekend, and secretly high-five Banner, the best guard dog ever.  

So, if you ever wondered why insane things happen to me, its very obviously genetic.

Stay tuned, and maybe i will even have a running story for you tomorrow.  Maybe.


  1. OMG! That's a rough first date. I've had a lot of bad ones, but definitely not any that resulted in broken bones. But... are they going to go out again?

  2. I know I shouldn't be laughing but I am. Sorry. Hope she feels better!

  3. How do Banner and Waffles get along? Seems like they may have similar traits!

  4. Oh man, what a memorable first date! Silly dog! Hope your mom is alright and her wrist heals quickly!!

  5. so was there a second date? Or are they still floating?

  6. NO WAY! Oh my gosh. It's right out of a movie! Will they go out again???

  7. Wow, this is too funny! I hope your Mom's spirit and wrist are ok!

    p.s. isn't it the most annoying thing when people to set your parent up with someone? So annoying and none of their business.

  8. That is hilarious, but hope your mom heals quickly. She will never forget that first date for sure!

  9. wow..and I thought the crazy stuff only happened to me!! Too funny of a story

  10. oh my gosh hahaha i feel bad laughing at her fault, but that is hysterical!

  11. Oh my gosh! That does make a great story! I hope your mom's wrist heals fast!

    So, no date #2?!

    Banner is so cute. :)

    I was going to bug you to stop here on your way back from Rockford but I know you're going to the west suburbs more directly. We should set something up, though! :)

    1. I will probably be coming back from Rockford late anyway, but I would love to set something up!

    2. Yay! Cool! I MISSSSS you :) I am trying to think of the next weekend I have free, lol. What are yours like? :)