Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Fwp....in the news!

God i love the news.  Everyone else has bigger problems than i do.


1.  Everyone wonders about my obsession with raccoons.  And how they are getting bigger and fatter and meaner.  Exhibit A:
When raccoons attack video.


I'm sorry, but the scratches are one thing, but bruises?  Raccoons are assholes.  You have been warned!
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


2. Women only and men only parking spots.
Parking is hard.  Especially for those of us of the fairer nature.  Thats why this mayor in Germany went ahead assessed the difficulty level for a variety of parking spots, and ones that were narrow, or needed to be backed into, or were on an angle were labeled for men only (i am assuming to avoid the outbreak of hysteria that occurs when we are faced with something as complex as "an angle.") I say why stop there - go big or go home.  Don't let us park at all.  Us ladies should be forced to relinquish our keys the second we enter a parking garage.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


3.  I am not sad that you were all gored by bulls.  There.  I said it.
You knew what you were doing, don't look to me for sympathy.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


4.  Oh Pinki Pramanik
You have committed no crime here, other than that you make terrible choices in girlfriends.  Never trust a bitch, girl.  Good luck, and keep running, Y chromosome or not!
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


5.  I was all for this British "Ginger only" dating site....
Until i realized they are going to call it "Top Carrots"  Are you F***ing kidding me??  COME ON!
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


6. In San Francisco, they are dealing with their rampant pan-handling problem by giving all the homeless people pets to take care of.
I hate to be a negative Nancy, but - no, wait - I LOVE being a negative Nancy!  Why are you giving pets to people who obviously can't take care of themselves, let alone a pet!  Am i the only one who see's a problem with distributing puppies to derelicts on the fringe of society?  ANYBODY? (notice how much trouble i have taking care of dog!)
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


7. Oh no, the secret to the Big Mac's special sauce is out!  What is McD's gonna do, now that we can all make our own big macs at home??
Wait a minute - big macs suck.  The only reason people eat them is because they are too lazy to make their own food (I'm not judging, i am frequently too lazy to make food for myself)  We are assuming that serial McD's consumers have much more ambition than they actually do.  
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


8.  If you could have your baby anywhere in the world, where would you do it?
I'm just going to assume you said 7-11.  Talk about my worst nightmare.  On the plus side, if any of you preggo's can force yourself into going into labor today, you can get a FREE slurpee while you wait for the umbiblical cord to be cut, because it is July 11th!
FIRST WORLD SOLUTIONS!


9. Do you hate cobwebs like i hate cobwebs?  GRRR!  i wish there was an easier way to dispose of them.  Standing on a chair and dusting the corners is just SO. MUCH. WORK!  Thank god there are brilliant people out there that are just as lazy as me.
FYI - do not blow torch the cobwebs inside your house.  Just don't do it.  Also, i am a little concerned about the fact that we will give a blowtorch to anyone these days....


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


10. And finally, Shot put is awesome.  
So awesome.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/40-derpiest-shotput-faces
FIRST WORLD SPORTS PROBLEMS.

18 comments:

  1. We have racoons roaming around at work (among other wildlife - deer, fox, mnt. lion)and those little buggers get kinda scary. They scare me more then the mnt. lions we had recently.

    And the whole pet thing makes me angry. I love animals, but I don't want one (and I prefer smacking my BF on the nose with the newspaper lol) and I don't think some people should have some. When you can't afford to feed them (you can actually get pet food at the food banks here) ect ect ect, I don't think it's fair for the animals. It's just gonna cause another homeless population in San Fran.

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    1. It's not fair at all! It amazes me the strict regulations they have to adopt a pet (a friend of mine was recently denied adoption because they didn't have a big enough yard?!?!) But its cool to let them sleep in the streets and forage for garbage....

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  2. That parking thing cracks me up, because there have been multiple times that Robert won't even attempt to parallel park, instead, he gets out and I do it for him.

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    1. Sadly, Matt is superior at parallel parking (he worked at a dealership for a few years) But i have never shied away from a spot because its on an angle!

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  3. This is amazing. Where do you even find this stuff?? It's great. Top Carrot hahahah. I am laughing hysterically :) Happy FWP!

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    1. The best part is that i can't make it up if i try! A lot of it i hear on public radio while i drive to work :)

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  4. hahahahaha!! You did it again! Thanks for the surprises and smiles!

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  5. They do realize that giving a dog to a homeless person doesn't count as 'giving the dogs a new home'...right?

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    1. I'm concerned that they DON'T realize that!

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  6. OMG. OMG. OMG.

    That last photo has me in stitches!

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    1. Did you scroll through them all in the link? They only get better and better. Now i am excited for olympic shot put

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  7. Don't worry, I hear that Carrot Top has an injunction against "Top Carrot".

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  8. OMG- you always make me laugh. Thanks for making my morning. :-)

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    Replies
    1. i owe this one to all the amazing people in the news :)

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  9. Every time I see any other First World Problems, I totally think of your posts. Today I saw this one about FWPs from the 90s, and thought that if you hadn't seen it before, you needed to. http://www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/14-first-world-problems-from-the-90s

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  10. AHH! Maggie posted this to my facebook and i almost died! I love that its dawson face, too!

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