Mo Money, Mo Problems...

Is luckily a situation i never have to deal with.


1.  Speaking of problems, Waffles has not once but TWICE snuck out the back door when i go to water the plants, run across our shared porch, broken into our neighbors apartment, and eaten their cats food.  She's so freaking fast too, she just beelines for the fancy feast.  I am pretty sure the cat, vampy, is plotting his revenge as she has now shotgunned two of his dinners.  Not to mention she is BREAKING INTO SOMEONE'S HOUSE.  I am so embarrassed!  How does one apologize for this??  Hallmark has no "Pet crime apology" section as far as i can see...

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2.  How have i gone this long without creating my own someecards????

I sense you are going to be seeing a lot of these.
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3.  Speaking of work, my partner in crime has been out of the country all week so i have been running our department.  Apparently, being in charge means you get emails at 11pm demanding changes to a presentation you sent over a week ago.  I don't care how big the project is - if i don't get adequate sleep, i am just going to scream at everyone and be unproductive.  I go to bed at 10:30.  the end.

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4.  I was going to make an ecard about the olympics, but somebody decided to walk on my keyboard.....

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5. Last complaint about work.  I don't know who the F is putting almonds in the dishwasher, but knock it off.  There is no reason for this, it makes no sense, and for reasons i don't understand, it pisses me off.  It's just not natural.  And i am sick of people abusing dishwashers.  FIGURE IT OUT!  People in the third world would kill for dishwashers.   Literally.

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6.  This week has been so hectic, despite having a fridge filled with locally grown organic produce, i have chose to have popcorn and vodka for dinner.

Twice.
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7.  Speaking of veges;ihhiiiiiiiiiii hnl.,,,,,,,,,,,,,klkmlklgys fffffttttttfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff


GUESS WHO JUMPED ON THE KEYBOARD AGAIN!  Only this time, the backspace button doesn't seem to work anymore.  I think that means she's getting fat.  And i should learn to type better.....

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8. Anyways, Speaking of vegetables, I got onions in my farm box, and i was kind of annoyed because they are super small.  I know that there's a drought and all, but i am an American.  I am used to gigantic steroid filled produce, and when there is a drought, i am used to my country buying out another countries food supply so that i can be well fed.  I don't even know what to do with onions that are no bigger than limes.  How did we survive before we were able to mutate and enhance our crops??

are you even an onion??

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9.  WTF candy!  I rely on you!  Why are you filled with 50% black licorice gum drops???  DON'T YOU KNOW NO ONE LIKES THAT FLAVOR?  Do you understand that i am so addicted to candy that i choked them down anyway with tears in my eyes so that i wouldn't waste the candy?  God damn you, generic bag of walgreens candy....DAMN YOU!

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10.  So I got an email from the Chicago Marathon about the new corral system.  Since i don't qualify for wave 1 due to my totally sucking at running, i will be in wave two based on my predicted finish time.  Don't you read my blog, Chicago Marathon?  Don't trust any time i put for an expected finish, EVER.  Knowing how stupid i was in January, i probably put some completely unrealistic goal.

Looks like my reign of unachievable expected finish times terror is over.


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