Wednesday, June 20, 2012

fwp.

1. Does it even need to be said that the 90+ temps everyday this week are a huge problem?  Oh it does. Screw you heat.  I am not even going to whine about running in the heat.
Things i will whine about?
Getting into my car when it is 150 degrees, and burning my god damn elbow because the interior is actually beginning to melt.
It might not look like much, but it is honestly a miracle that i survived this.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


2.  I'm also going to whine about what this god-forsaken weather is doing to my hair.  Granted, my 3 year streak of not brushing my hair might have a small influence in this, but regardless, this is what happened to my hair last night:


Yeah, i had to cut those hair-ties out of my hair with a pocket knife, bear grylls style.  If i was ok with existing in these atmospheric conditions, then i would have just moved to the bayou, southern texas, somewhere in the congo, guam, cuba, the innermost circles of hell.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


3. I'm sorry, but in what world?
So apparently we have the time to choreograph an impromptu synchronized cart ballet at the Costco parking lot, but we don't have time to just bring the cart back to the store so that i can have a freaking cart.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


4.  I see this pan-handler everyday on my way to work.  I was going to give him my granola bar the other day, and then i noticed that he was drinking organic orange juice.  Are you KIDDING ME?  I can't even afford organic orange juice!  In fact, i thought i hit it big when i switched from tang to tropicana!  You should be giving charity to ME, friend.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


5.  This:
Is the form i need to renew my city of chicago sticker.  Thanks Waffles.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEM.


6.  I may have mentioned that Matt and i have been playing the license plate game for the past 8 months.  (find all 50 states)  We had been at a stalemate for months because of the lack of both Delaware and Idaho.  Well -
BAM. Delaware.
BAM.  IDAHO!
So suck it, Matt.  Game over.
But seriously, sitting in traffic is back to sucking.  What do people do when they are not endangering the lives of themselves and others by trying to photograph license plates while driving???
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


7. I have officially downgraded the Zombie apocalypse warning level back to yellow.  Not because we are any safer, but because i have eaten all the emergency rations in my car and at my desk.  :(
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


8.  It took us 32 years to figure out that the dingo ate the baby?  REALLY?


Well, at least the judicial system has got their shit together.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


9.  In world news, they were reporting last night that Hosni Mubarek is mostly dead.  Mostly dead?  Am i the only one who can only think the princess bride right now?
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


10.  In an earth-shattering shocker:  Bristol Palin's reality show is vapid and uninteresting.
No really, people are surprised by this.  But, these are the same people who gave this moron a show, if it's any indicator.  Thank god Jersey Shore will be back soon so we can have some culture in our lives.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

20 comments:

  1. Well thank goodness you still have some perfect pinch Mediterranean herb seasoning left because THAT is what really matters in a zombie attack.

    if it were me, I would have just cut that hairball right off my head. good job just sticking to hair-ties.

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    Replies
    1. I have survival skills you wouldn't believe.

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  2. I have always thought that Dingos were cowboy boots. Now I find out they are actually animals. Who knew?

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    1. Thats ok, up until recently i thought a barracuda was a type of bobcat.

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  3. You can renew your sticker online! When you do, you can be entered into lots of raffles - I entered one for a $100 gift card to The Shambles, which is a major dive on Division. I hope I win:)

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    Replies
    1. Thank god! I wanted to murder her when i saw her shredding the paper!

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  4. bristol - ugh. I think Jersey Shore has done a whole lot more for pop culture then bristol ever will. GTL for life! lol

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    1. i can't help but love J-shore. I hope it isn't lame with snookie being pregg-o....

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  5. the first FWP of summer 2012........keep 'em coming, Sara! I laughed so hard I nearly dropped my organic orange juice!

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    1. You would have organic OJ, wouldn't you!!

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  6. These are so funny...thanks for the laughs. ;-)

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  7. Not really related, but the Zombie Apocalypse made me think of it - do you watch that show The Walking Dead? If you do, will you please tell me why I should watch it? My BiL gave it to us and I cannot get in to it. And I love Zombies. Sadness.

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    Replies
    1. WHAAA?? How can you not love it?? Maybe you haven't seen Daryl Dixon yet. He's the redneck with the crossbow, dirty wife beater, and bad attitude. Basically, everything a girl from rockford could dream of.

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    2. Yes! I have seen him. Hmm. Still not getting it. I have only see 4 episodes though.

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  8. I love these posts! always makes me laugh :)

    My FWP is that I told my dog a few weeks ago if he refused his dog food, then i would give him my food for dinner. (Hes a dog.. doesnt speak english right?) For a week he would continue eating his kibbles and then would come over to me and give me the "OMG im so hungry, please feed me" face while I ate.

    This week he started refusing his food. Everyday so far.... Im in trouble! :)

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    Replies
    1. ohhhh no! I tried to train waffles not to beg for people food by feeding her some of my food when she sat next to me and didn't beg, but it backfired - i gave her a little taste of oatmeal this morning, and then she walked across the room, and proceeded to running-charge into me, knock the oatmeal out of my hand and then eat it all off the floor.

      They are so much smarter than we realize....

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  9. I walked past a panhandler downtown two weeks ago and he apparently was on break and chatting on a cell phone! Seriously?

    Also, our dog Trinka Deu (RIP) ate the property tax bill once. Thankfully she left a scrap that had the amount listed on it so I was able to email the info to our landlord so he could pay it. Dogs. I swear. Why do they eat the important mail and leave all the junk?

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  10. Hahahaha I think that I need to do this game with my boyfriend. Also you never fail to make me giggle. My hair isn't even real these days.

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  11. One week I was working downtown and every day I would walk by a different panhandler holding the exact same sign. Too bad I only worked downtown for that week because I was looking forward to learning their rotation

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