Lunchtime FWP

1. Since Matt and i have lived together, he has done laundry twice.  And each time, he has managed to somehow find my most expensive sweater and ruin it.

I assure you, this was not a cropped sweater when i first got it.  For the life of him, he cannot figure out why people would ever wear clothes that can't be dried.  And god forbid you look at the tag.....Goodbye, sweet cardigan....
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


2.  In an attempt to heal my ailing feet, i decided to soak them in epsom salt.  

When i removed my feet, Waffles was secretly waiting and proceeded to lick every morsel of bathsalt off my feet.  I fully expect to come home to a zombie basenji that will eat my face.  It's not a huge stretch...she did bite matt on the nose once.  Although he bit her first....

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


3.  You what else that little asshole did?  She decided to eat a bic pen.  All over the white carpet. 

 Granted we have no business having a white rug ever.  But still, the carpet?!?!?!  The worst part is, we were right there, she was just under the coffee table where she KNEW we couldn't see her.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


4.  As long as i am bitching about the dog, she is actually on a streak of terror eating EVERYTHING this week!  I don't know how she even passed puppy class!  I am pretty sure he just didn't want to deal with her anymore.  She doesn't even chew things anymore, she just unhinges her jaw and swallows shit whole like a freaking cobra.  I have seen her shot gun a sheet of dryer lint with a chaser of burnt salmon skin.  The only thing she won't eat?  Her overpriced organic dog food.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


5. I got a call yesterday afternoon around 3 saying i had to call girl and the goat by noon to confirm our reservations or they would give them away.  WTF????  Then when i tried to call back, i could only get a pre-recorded message.  I went in there ready to karate chop a hostess, but it turns out our table was ready and waiting, and the food was AMAZING!

I am so depressed i can't eat like that every night....
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


6.  Without really consulting me, Matt decided to purchase himself a new car.  And not just any car, a VW gti - which i warned him is asking for trouble when you live in the city and park on the street.  Low and behold, the lady who lives across the street and apparently is blind whenever she gets behind the wheel backed into his car and shattered the VW emblem thing on the front.  

We saw her hit another car the next day (seriously, worst driver ever) and he ended up approaching her.  She was very nice about it and is actually going to pay for the damage which is nice.  We are still terrified to park anywhere near her though.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


7.  I finally got my photos for Sunburst!!  The only downside is that aside from having this to immortalize what is probably the happiest face i have ever made, it also immortalizes the fact that i have  let myself go a little in the midsection area.  

Chubbsfoxxx

It is so hard to admit that carboloading shouldn't last 6 weeks, and that now that the race(s) is over, i need to end my relationship with the 1000 calories of gummy candy i have been eating every day.  Its not you candy, it's me.  No - wait - its you.  It's totally you.  I know you are all crying for my struggle right now.  As you should.  My life is so hard.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


8. Obviously i am super unconcerned about my performance at 13.1 this weekend, but i did notice the near 90 temps predicted for race day.  I could careless, because this has become my destiny, but i am very concerned that everyone else will hate me for jinxing this.

Sorry guys.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


9. Game of thrones ended last weekend, and Mad Men is ending this weekend.  WTF am i going to do all summer???  I need dragons and Draper in my life to distract me from my own mediocrity!!!

DAMN YOU SUMMER AND YOUR TERRIBLE PROGRAMMING FORCING ME TO GO OUTSIDE AND ENJOY THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


10. Speaking of summer, you know what i hate?  Summer.  I don't eat grilled meat, i can't swim, i can't be in the sun without spf 50, i don't tan, i suck at sports, and the feeling of sand on my feet makes me angry.  I suppose i could make this summer the summer that i learn how to swim, but with the advancements in arm-floatie technology, i find it completely unnecessary.  The only part of summer i like is summer drinks, so i am going to do my best to get by the next few months in a whirlwind of margaritas and questionable outdoor drinking.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.