First and foremost:
Come do yoga with me this weekend! On Sunday, my favorite yoga studio, Tula Yoga, is doing a donation class at 5pm, and all the proceeds are going to Huntington's Disease! Come watch me sit in childs pose in a hot room for an hour.
RSVP here, or don't, and just show up and surprise me - i'll be in the back. In childs pose.
Now, for the serious stuff.
I have gotten a lot of flack for making light of the zombie incident in Miami, and i just want to let people know, i am not joking around about zombies. Zombies are a real and serious threat, and i don't joke around about it.
Here are a few fun facts - ways i am currently preparing for what is obviously an inevitable large scale zombie attack.
1. Remember that Machete i got for Christmas? (and you all laughed...)
It had been hanging out in the hatch of my car, but since i am officially raising the zombie attack threat level from yellow to red, it has been moved up to the back seat for easy access.
2. I can barely fit my cell phone in my purse....
But i can fit a multi-use pocket knife, bandaids, and aspirin. And gum. Woe be the soul caught in zombie apocalypse without gum.
3. I am making sure to text this guy everyday.
Do you have a zombie survival plan with anyone? My brother and i have had this plan for years. It also includes my friend Ashley, but she is currently in Europe, making it very hard to get to her in the even of a full scale zombie outbreak. My brother is a collector of weaponry, and damn good shot in my opinion. My goal is to get to him, and then pool our resources. I am the "brains" of this duo.
You think a marathon is hard? There is no finish line when being chased by zombies. You just. keep. running. Better make sure you are properly fueled.
5. Food hoarding.
Sure, the bags of rice were on sale so it was a financially wise purchase, but my cabinets are currently packed with 15 lbs of Trader Joe's brown rice. Because its delicious, and an excellent choice for sustained nutrition should i need to barricade myself in my apartment. We also have a 40lb bag of puppy chow. (For the dog, obviously) We are set.
6. Rations deposits.
There is no telling when the zombie apocalypse will reach chicago. I could be at work, or stuck in traffic, or at home, or walking the dog, or at a bar. Thats why i am taking great lengths to make sure i am surrounded by food at ALL times. I have a snack drawer at work, multiple bags of chex mix in my car, and sometimes i grab a clif bar just to go walk the dog. The only problem is, i keep eating all my snacks and depleting the rations...
7. Meticulous scanning of reputable periodicals for clues. Remember in Men in Black, when "K" said he got all his leads from tabloid covers?
8. When i was little, my dad taught me shoot a bow and arrow. I wasn't very good then, and am probably even worse now....but it is definitely time to brush up, because if i learned anything from the walking dead, it's be the guy with the arrows.
It is the single most efficient way to kill zombies. And to hunt as well. I figure at some point, my brown rice hoard will run out, and i will be forced to hunt to survive. I will also need to convince myself to eat deer, as last i checked, free-range frozen yogurt cups were no longer found in the wild.....