Friday, January 4, 2013

The Lord of the Brie.

I'd like to consider myself a somewhat healthy eater.  I avoid meat, I'm not big on fast food, and i love to cook.  But i do enjoy unhealthy eating - especially around the holidays.  I am a big fan of cookies and "party food".  You know, bread and cheese, olives, little bite-sized finger foods.  If you follow my blog, you know that i am not one to diet, but i am not constantly shoveling food in my mouth either (ok, busted.  I totally do that sometimes.  But not all the times.  Ok, most of the time.  You know what?  LAY OFF ME, I'M STARVING.)  

But seriously, if i want something, i'm going to just eat it rather than dwell on it.  

I have relied on this diet plan my entire life.  Eat whatever you want, just don't eat too much.  It works for the most part.  Sometimes i gain 5 lbs, sometimes i lose 5 pounds, ying and yang, harmony, ebb and flow, blah blah blah.  So this has been the natural order.  

That is, until the natural order was DISRUPTED!!!

Matt and I went to Costco last weekend, which is already problematic, as i have never been able to so much as enter that store without having a complete nervous breakdown where i ended up lying on the floor in the middle of the frozen foods aisle yelling "We're all going to die in here!!!"

During my usual Costco panic attack, i took shelter behind one of the free sample people, and inadvertently ended up buying a wheel of brie that was the size of waffles when she was 3 months old.  

Definitely NOT on the shopping list...
I assure you - two people should never have such a large wheel of brie in their fridge.  Ever.  
The past week has been a horrifying, never ending stream of brie into my mouth.   The worst part is, i can't bear to just get rid of it, because that would be wasteful.  But 5 lbs of brie is a destructive force.  It has taken over our lives, and we are powerless against it.  Even worse, Matt keeps bringing home baguettes.....I think the Brie is controlling him...
Basically, i have about 5 weeks to get my hunger in control and stop eating 5lb wheels of cheese before the marathon hunger kicks in again and i starting eating 5lb wheels of cheese.  again.  

The moral of this story?  Just don't buy a gigantic wheel of brie.  It's evil.  In fact, as a general rule, don't trust round things...


Or, if you want to embrace your dark side, this baby was only seven dollars at Costco.  Party on.

Are there any evil entities haunting your fridge right now?

14 comments:

  1. Reminds me of the 6 foot sub that Homer could not stop eating for days, even after the mayo went bad. Coincidentally, I saw a show on PBS about dieting and they said that cheese is unique in that most of the fat from cheese passes through the body without getting absorbed. So, theoretically, you can eat lots of cheese, but not gain lots of weight. I'm not sure about eating 5 lbs. of cheese, however! Luckily, I don't belong to Costco. I don't want to pay a store for the privilege of shopping there! :-)

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    1. I feel like that show is the cheese market's way of encouraging me. Wise choice on Costco - we were given a membership through Matt's work, and there is no reason to ever buy so much of anything unless you are a family of 12....

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  2. Haha that is one of my favorite SNL skits of all time. The whole Gap Girls series was just great. "Just cinch it with a belt" was my fashion motto of 2009.

    Right now my food nemesis is the leftover Christmas cookies/candy. We still haven't gotten through it all. The Trader Joes peppermint bark and chocolate caramel Frangos are especially dangerous for me.

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    1. I have watched the chris farley SNL DVD probably 2 dozen times, haha. Luckily Matt was a gentleman and ate all cookies and candy to spare me

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  3. I was just at TJ's...I bought the Chile Spiced Mango slices....YUM, YUM, YUM...they are definitely haunting me right now....

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  4. I do like me some brie. If my BF liked brie, I would have a 5lb wheel in the fridge too. But we have the big bricks of gorgonzola and feta because my BF has no taste buds ;-)

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  5. OMg $7 for a 5lb wheel?! You would have been silly not to get it. Now if only I had a membership card there....

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    1. It might not have been quite 5lbs, but it was about quadruple the size of a standard wheel of brie. And it seems to be growing...

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  6. Welcome to my life.

    Literally.

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  7. That picture of Matt made me laugh SO HARD.

    The obvious solution would be to share your giant wheel of brie, no? Then again, I am selfish with my cheese, so maybe scratch that...

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    1. No - it must be destroyed. For all of us.

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  8. Costco kills me! Especially those free samples. 9 times out of 10 I end up buying everything I sampled. Even when I don't need it. I just threw out the remaining Christmas candies and cookies so that I would stop eating them. At the time I was ticked off, but my waistline is telling me thank you. Happy Friday!

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  9. I would have done exactly the same thing you did with the brie. How could anyone pass up such a great deal on cheese!?!?!?

    I actually just cleaned out our freezer, which is something that I've had on the to-do list for a solid year. It wasn't pretty. At all. But at least it's finally done and I can refill the freezer with the types of food that REALLY matter to me (aka ice cream!) =D

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