Waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I think first world problems could also be whiny wednesdays, because thats basically what it is.

1.  WHY IS IT SO COLD???  Seriously, -15 degrees is lame.  And thats all there is to say about it.  I don't want to run, i don't want to get in my car, i don't want to walk that dog.  I just want to sit next to a space heater and pout.  The end.

First World Problems.

2.  In attempt to warm up last night after walking the dog in the aforementioned sub zero temps, i made this stunningly instagrammed hot cocoa.

Until i realized on the first sip that i don't even like hot cocoa.  It tastes like chalk.  I really just wanted the Reddi-wip.  Granted, i chugged the stupid thing anyway because i'm a god damn trooper, but i didn't enjoy it.

First World Problems.

3.   I miss daylight.  I really, really miss it.  And the weather channel keeps rubbing it in my face that i leave work everyday and it's pitch black.

You call that darkness outside sunny?  IN WHAT WORLD, WEATHER CHANNEL?  MORDOR???

First World Problems.

4.

I think the picture speaks for itself.

Actually, i am totally kidding.  Waffles is in no way responsible for this.  My runners snaggle toe managed to slice a hole in the sheets, and then they completely started to unravel in the wash.  Bad, snaggle-toe, BAD!

First World Problems.

5.  Speaking of the place which i slumber, i had that stupid teeth falling out dream again!! Only this time, i couldn't wake myself up because my noodle arms are so sore (STILL!) from that ONE time i did P90x that was unable to even poke myself to wake up.

First world problems.

6. Another dream i keep having which isn't a nightmare involves a fictional candy store where i go to buy sparkle gummy bears.  I'm not even making this up, i have a candy store that my brain made up that i visit in my sleep.  Almost every night.  I have problems that can't even be defined.

First World Problems.

7.

WHY IS THERE NEVER ENOUGH POPCORN!!!

First World Problems

8.  I spent my entire day at work yesterday coloring bamboo skewers with a marker.  

I'm super important, and kind of a big deal.

First World Problems.

9. According to NPR all week, about 360 of the health departments chimps are set to retire.  The only problem is, there is no way to accommodate them with out 30 million dollar chimp habitat fund.  That money would be gone by July.

a.  We have a 30 million chimp budget?

b.  When do i get to retire and go to a 30 million dollar habitat?

c.  NO SERIOUSLY, We have a 30 million dollar chimp budget??

First World Problems.

10.  The world is aflutter because groupon has decided to review and most likely cease all of its gun related deals.  Texas in particular is up in arms over this (pun intended) (god, i am so funny) Aside from the irony that yet another school shooting took place yesterday, IN Texas, people are lining up to buy semi-automatics and plastering the interwebs with "Guns don't kill people, People kill people" shenaniganery.  Yeah, i suppose that Guns don't kill people, but seriously, people kill people WITH GUNS.  Lets stop making them that much more accessible with groupons for "gun range & brewery tour experience!"  And yes, that one was real, because i almost bought it.  

And, just to clarify, i am not "anti-gun".  I come from a proud hunting family.  My Aunt Holly can take down a 6-point buck with just a bow and arrow, Katsniss style.  That takes way more skill than mowing down a herd of deer with semi-automatic.   So everybody calm down, and just buy one of the other 8 million groupons.  Perhaps a nice massage or a facial.

First World Problems.

11.  Sorry about the last one becoming a rant.  My brain filter is broken.  I blame the P90x.

First World Problems!