FWP, FTW!

1.  I. warned. All of you.

But seriously, did you watch the video of this?  It only shows their feet, but i can already tell you, that guy is a god damn zombie.  And i sure hope they are watching that poor homeless man that was half eaten like a hawk, because we all know how this is going to end up.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


2.  So my desk at work faces this big beautiful courtyard, with huge glass windows.  The only downside is that birds keep kamikazeing themselves into the window.  We all like to eat, and have meetings in this space sometimes, and like to do so without walking over a dozen bird carcasses, so we started putting all the bird bodies into an empty planter, like a little bird mass grave.  Only last week, they hired a landscaping crew to come plant flowers.

I'm so sorry dude.  I swear, we're not psychopaths.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


3.  I decided to treat myself to some delicious ice cream - 

I'm not one to really concern myself with serving sizes, because even though this has always been 4 servings, who are we kidding? I'm going to eat the whole damn thing, and it's going to be amazing.  Until i noticed this:

3.5 servings???
Since when did they start screwing me out of 2 oz of tasty frozen goodness??  When i want to eat 1,400 calories, i want to eat 1,400 calories!!


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


4.  While dining al fresco last night, i somehow managed to skewer a bumble bee with my fork on accident while instinctually trying to bat him away.  Seriously.  He was big too, and it was disgusting and horrifying.  I would have taken a picture, but i was too busy freaking the hell out.  So here is a reenactment.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


5.  Then when we got back from Detroit this weekend, Waffles was so sick of being in the car that she was being a needy little pup, and decided that she needed to be in my lap every waking moment of the day.

Oh yes, she laid there the entire time.

Every. waking. moment.  
How does an African hunting dog become such a lap puppy?


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


6.  So Matt planted some herbs for our balcony, only a family of birds has decided to take residence out there, and has been picking off our herbs, one by one!

I seriously hate birds so freaking much.  


FIRST WORLD PROBLEM.


7. To try and protect the few remaining herbs, i put a laundry basket over the planters so that the birds couldn't get to my plants.  Only instead, they POOPED ON MY LAUNDRY BASKET!!!!

ARGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
This means WAR!!!


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


8. I ordered two pairs of shoes to try out, so that i could see which felt better for running.  Only they are both so cute, that in order to spare hurt feelings, i must now keep both of them.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


9.  I have celebrated 28 Memorial days.

And i still don't own a set of corn on the cob holders.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.


10.  I was being tailed by this guy on my way to work the other morning.

Thats the google street view car!  now my car will be immortalized.  Covered in dirt.  Sitting on the parking lot that is the Kennedy Expressway.  Sometimes it feels like i will be stuck in traffic forever.  But now, it's really true.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.