Friday, January 18, 2013

Tempo Tantrum

Well, for the second week in a row, my attempt at speed training was ugly and terrible.  Only this time it literally tried to kill me.  

My thought was to have a warm up mile, two miles at tempo pace (whatever that is...a tempo pace for me is a normal pace for most people) and a mile cool down.  Instead, i was a 1 mile warm up, about 1.5 mile tempo, asthma attack, and a half mile walk.  Having an asthma attack is kinda the worst thing ever.  You're running along, looking cool (well not me, but some people) and then all of a sudden it's like someone turned off the oxygen.  You breathe in, but you don't get any air.  And then if you're me (be grateful you aren't), you panic and make everything ten times worse.

It's like nature doesn't want me to improve at running.  My legs felt fine, my brain felt fine, but my lungs were like "awwww HELLLLL no.  we're done here."  So apparently, speed is just not my thing.
Regardless, the experience left me with two pieces of core knowledge:

1.  I have no idea what i am doing.

2. My asthma is kinda outta control this winter.  

Obviously, i need to stop being a doofus and have my inhaler on me at all times, no matter how bulky and #runnerdy it makes me look.  But the speed training is a mystery to me.  And i can't be doing it right if it is ending in an asthma attack.  All the guides say things like run your 5k pace for half a mile!  run your 10k pace for 2 miles!  seriously?  My pace for any distance is don't die or look like you're dying.  I don't have a set pace for ANY distance.  I ran one 10k last year, and it was 95 degrees, and i think my pace ended up being like 9:50/mile.  Is that my 10k pace then?

Why is speed training so mysterious?  perhaps i'll never know or understand how to speed train.  I will spend my life and my fortune (ha) desperately searching for the answers, much like the people still investigating the disappearance of Amelia Earhart (spoiler: she crashed the f***ing plane. But seriously, why are we still spending money to investigate this one??)

Or maybe someone will be able to dumb it down enough for me to understand through stick figures and smiley faces.  Either way.  It's hard and exhausting and confusing.  But i suppose it's supposed to be that way....

What am i complaining about?  At least I'm not Lance Armstrong.... 

Suck it, Lance Armstrong.

21 comments:

  1. Try using the McMillan pace calculator: http://www.mcmillanrunning.com/

    That's what I used when I was doing speed training to figure out what paces I should be aiming for.

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    1. sooooo many numberssss! McMillan seems to have a lot more faith in me than i do. Based on my marathon times, my 5k pace is 7:54. IN WHAT WORLD, MCMILLAN????

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    2. actually, i typed stuff in wrong. He is actually pretty accurate.....god i am stupid though.

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    3. ha..those comments just had me laughing!!

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    4. I was going to suggest McMillan as well. Although based on my 5K times, he seems to think I can be a pretty speedy marathoner! Someday, McMillan!! But it does give you an idea of where your training paces should be.

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    5. You know, your marathon PR is faster than mine and my 5K PR pace is 7:55. So, uh, he's not wrong even if you did type it in incorrectly.

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    6. Yes, but he fails to factor in my laziness and chronic under-achieving! Also, the drinking probably doesn't help as much as i like to think it does...

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  2. hahahaha (not laughing about your asthma attack rather at your Lance Armstrong joke) Seems like everyone has it better right now than he does. :P

    Good luck with speed training, it's alot harder right now in the freezing cold, so don't feel too bad. You'll get it right eventually lol

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    1. embarrassingly enough, this one was on my basement treadmill at work. All the other ones have been caused by running in the cold though, haha

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  3. I had this same problem this week. My friend is a trainer and I actually called her to ask her what the hell 6 x 400 with 90 RI meant and she even went as far as to tell me what to set the treadmill to. I'm so stupid when it comes to running smarts.

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    1. thats basically what i need. Someone to tell me what to do. All the time.

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  4. I'm right there with you....I have one tempo...medium to slow...its the same for every mile I try to run...I guess I need work too. ;-)

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  5. Ok here you go. You can thank me by giving me your diaphanous Nike rain jacket I'm so fond of.
    5k pace run like you're being chased by a large jungle cat.
    10k pace run slower but still charging. Pick up your feet. Pump your arms.
    Everything else shuffle along as you please.

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  6. I love your posts so much that I've actually started reading them aloud to my husband. Let's be friends! Oh, and BOO to asthma! I hope your next run is better!

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  7. Sorry about your asthma attack. :/ I hope that your next attempt at a tempo goes better for you because tempo runs can be kind of fun. Don't quote me on the "fun" part, but I do like the workout challenge that they bring. Have you ever used McMillan calculator? It might give you a better idea of what your current tempo pace is.

    http://www.mcmillanrunning.com/

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  8. Hope you are feeling better, girl! I will be the first to admit that when I see "mile repeats" or 4 X 800, etc - I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE.

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  9. Sorry to hear about the asthma. I found out I have it when I train too hard in the spring or fall. Maybe speed training would make more sense to you if I could make some kind of drinking analogy out of it. So, it's like slamming a shot then drinking a beer slowly for a few minutes, then slamming a shot, then drinking a beer, then repeat. Races are like boilermakers, you drop the shot glass in the beer! Get it? :-)

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  10. So sorry to hear about the asthma. I don't fully understand the lingo of mile repeats, either. Hence why my speedwork (what little there is of it) consist of fartlekking or just doing a mile or two at a faster pace than I am used to. But I love the "tempo tantrum" headline - I started laughing out loud when I read it!

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