Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I think first world problems could also be whiny wednesdays, because thats basically what it is.

1.  WHY IS IT SO COLD???  Seriously, -15 degrees is lame.  And thats all there is to say about it.  I don't want to run, i don't want to get in my car, i don't want to walk that dog.  I just want to sit next to a space heater and pout.  The end.

First World Problems.

2.  In attempt to warm up last night after walking the dog in the aforementioned sub zero temps, i made this stunningly instagrammed hot cocoa.
Until i realized on the first sip that i don't even like hot cocoa.  It tastes like chalk.  I really just wanted the Reddi-wip.  Granted, i chugged the stupid thing anyway because i'm a god damn trooper, but i didn't enjoy it.

First World Problems.

3.   I miss daylight.  I really, really miss it.  And the weather channel keeps rubbing it in my face that i leave work everyday and it's pitch black.
You call that darkness outside sunny?  IN WHAT WORLD, WEATHER CHANNEL?  MORDOR???

First World Problems.

4.



I think the picture speaks for itself.

Actually, i am totally kidding.  Waffles is in no way responsible for this.  My runners snaggle toe managed to slice a hole in the sheets, and then they completely started to unravel in the wash.  Bad, snaggle-toe, BAD!

First World Problems.

5.  Speaking of the place which i slumber, i had that stupid teeth falling out dream again!! Only this time, i couldn't wake myself up because my noodle arms are so sore (STILL!) from that ONE time i did P90x that was unable to even poke myself to wake up.

First world problems.

6. Another dream i keep having which isn't a nightmare involves a fictional candy store where i go to buy sparkle gummy bears.  I'm not even making this up, i have a candy store that my brain made up that i visit in my sleep.  Almost every night.  I have problems that can't even be defined.

First World Problems.

7.

WHY IS THERE NEVER ENOUGH POPCORN!!!

First World Problems

8.  I spent my entire day at work yesterday coloring bamboo skewers with a marker.  

I'm super important, and kind of a big deal.

First World Problems.

9. According to NPR all week, about 360 of the health departments chimps are set to retire.  The only problem is, there is no way to accommodate them with out 30 million dollar chimp habitat fund.  That money would be gone by July.

a.  We have a 30 million chimp budget?
b.  When do i get to retire and go to a 30 million dollar habitat?
c.  NO SERIOUSLY, We have a 30 million dollar chimp budget??

First World Problems.

10.  The world is aflutter because groupon has decided to review and most likely cease all of its gun related deals.  Texas in particular is up in arms over this (pun intended) (god, i am so funny) Aside from the irony that yet another school shooting took place yesterday, IN Texas, people are lining up to buy semi-automatics and plastering the interwebs with "Guns don't kill people, People kill people" shenaniganery.  Yeah, i suppose that Guns don't kill people, but seriously, people kill people WITH GUNS.  Lets stop making them that much more accessible with groupons for "gun range & brewery tour experience!"  And yes, that one was real, because i almost bought it.  

And, just to clarify, i am not "anti-gun".  I come from a proud hunting family.  My Aunt Holly can take down a 6-point buck with just a bow and arrow, Katsniss style.  That takes way more skill than mowing down a herd of deer with semi-automatic.   So everybody calm down, and just buy one of the other 8 million groupons.  Perhaps a nice massage or a facial.

First World Problems.

11.  Sorry about the last one becoming a rant.  My brain filter is broken.  I blame the P90x.

First World Problems!

19 comments:

  1. To all of these first world problems I just have to say: Fo real.

    If the popcorn situated could be patched up, all other problems would be alright. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This rant really cheered me up! Candy store in your brain? Hilarious. You should definitely be a writer on the Simpsons! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have often thought that Homer Simpson and I might be soul mates!

      Delete
  3. That's why I keep a box of full-sized (light butter) popcorn bags at my desk. I can easily polish off a bag by myself and it isn't all that many calories. Then, I never have to share.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly, i am not a huge fan of the microwave popcorns. They leave a weird taste in my mouth. Usually i make it home, so i can slather it in butter and salt. and sometimes cheese. #fatfluential

      Delete
  4. 1. AGREED- the cold temperatures have turned me into a crabby bitch
    2. That picture is beautiful!
    3. See #1, also I feel like a mole
    9. Oy. I'm so sick of the gun subject. Enough in the media, enough at home. My husband is a conservative and I'm a liberal. Enough said.

    Also, ditto on Kelly's comment above. Mini popcorn bags make me feel like I've won the lottery. "you mean, I get to eat the WHOLE BAG!?"

    ReplyDelete
  5. I almost bough the gun range and brewery tour groupon too! I couldn't make it work with our schedule though. hah!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know!! In the end i skipped it because i didn't want to spend the money. And just, why? why does it exist? haha

      Delete
  6. I was listening to that same chimp story and I was like "this is so ridiculous but I feel sorry for those chimps and I'm against animal testing anyway and this is sad."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do too! But I feel like if thats not enough money, then they are severely misappropriating the funds. I mean, where is the property? Orange County?

      Delete
  7. Cold temps below ZERO due to the winds and windchill are the FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS...and why do we live in a state where this weather takes place. Maybe we all should move to Florida or California stat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Every year i vow to move to Arizona, yet i am STILL HERE!

      Delete
  8. There is never enough popcorn and I forgot to put it on the Costco list for yesterdays shopping! I finally figured out how to make perfect popcorn, but now, I am out of popcorn. Of course it was with super healthy brown butter and sea salt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never even thought to buy it at Costco! We seriously go through it SO fast!

      Delete
  9. Is there not a better way to color those skewers?! I want to see your hands after doing that!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your hot chocolate looks awesome with sprinkles! Sorry that it tasted like chalk. Boo.

    Your poor sheets! I have really bad snaggle toes so I am sure that I will be tearing holes in my sheets someday too.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think I actually need sparkle gummy bears.

    ReplyDelete