Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Grocery shopping? Over it.

Thanks for everyone who put up with my whining yesterday.  And double thanks to anyone who actually chanced it and came back today.  It sounds like a lot of us are in the same boat, and i take a small comfort in that.  And i am excited just to run an event with so many awesome people leaving me in the dust, and cheering from the sidelines, near and far!

Yesterday afternoon, i was worried about what the eff i would write about today, with my lack of problems this past week.  Then i had to go get groceries.  

Ask, and you shall receive.

1.  So i woke up this morning to a particularly snarky letter from the condo board about dogs being off leash in public areas.  There are actually lots of dogs in the building, and some of them do run around in the "courtyard" but never waffles, because i just don't trust her.  Apparently dogs have to be leashed at all times, even in the freaking stairway.  Granted, my dog does break into peoples apartments, but it is cute and lovable.  This minor inconvenience of leashing my dog in the hallway to go downstairs has sent me into a rage.

Sorry my 15lb barkless, hypo-allergenic, no-shed, super-friendly dog is such a threat to everyone.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

2.  Matt woke me up in the middle of the night yelling about a giant spider, and then trailing off to straight up jibberish, and then falling back asleep.  While he proceeded to peacefully slumber the rest of the night, i was curled up in a ball, wide awake and ready to defend myself against this so-called giant spider.  He remembers none of this.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

3.  Why is it that every time i have to swing by the grocery store after a sweaty and gross run, i am looking for something impossible to find without assistance.  I have actually had a guy at whole foods touch my back while attempting to point me in the right direction, only to recoil in horror by the fact that i am soaking wet.  I am so sorry, chicagoland grocery stores....

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

4.  This is what happens when i am at the grocery store after running 8 miles....
Seriously, what was i thinking?  Why did i buy this? What the eff am i going to do with this?  We don't have ice cream or hot cocoa.  I have problems.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

5.  This happens too.
Sadly though, by the time i got home, it was too late to drink it, because i can't have that much sugar before my 9pm bedtime, otherwise I would have been the one having giant spider nightmares.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

6.  I'm finally at an age where i find getting carded for things flattering, but this one crossed the line.
Really?  Your going to card me for buying vanilla extract???  I'm sorry that you have me confused with a troublesome teen, rather than a poor girl who just wants to make some god damn muffins.  Obviously, i wasted 10 minutes fighting with them about this, rather than just show them my ID.  FYI, if you are a problematic teen, who goes around to all the Trader Joe's hoarding the Pure Bourbon Vanilla Extract, you're a freaking moron.  And, they're on to you.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

7.  ummmm....
YOU'RE THE SAME THING!  I AM SO FREAKING ON TO YOUR SCAM, FIRST WORLD!

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

8.  I have told Matt about a dozen times to stop putting the lemons next to the onions, because it makes them mold.  We have lost like 8 lemons in the past two weeks because of this oversight.  I turn my back for one second, and what happens?
Seriously??

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

9.  The whole reason i even went to the store was to buy cracked wheat so i could make tabouleh (tabouli? tabbouli?)  Do you think i could find this anywhere in the entire store?  NO.  I spent 40 minutes, and enlisted 3 clerks on this mission, and still failed.  Finally, i purchased this, because it was the grain most resembling cracked wheat visually.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

10.  And here's the shocker.  It turned out to be some kind of oatmeal-like kosher breakfast cereal, and the meal was an epic fail.  This is why i should not ever be put in charge of the groceries.  EVER.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS!

22 comments:

  1. I bought that very same vanilla this past weekend. The whole pure Bourbon thing gave me pause.

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    1. Now i'm afraid to use it - Am i going to have to ID anyone eats one of these muffins? Should i not give them to pregnant people??

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  2. OMG I always think your first world problems are the FUNNIEST posts around! I'm sorry I find humor in your troubles!!

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    1. It's ok, even i laugh at myself sometimes :)

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  3. So, seriously, they carded you for vanilla extract? Excessive, much? Hmmm.

    (sorry your family bailed on you. that stinks. but I will be there!! we need to plan a meetup of some kind...)

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    1. I think i just have that look to me, like "Hey - this girl is gonna go get drunk off this vanilla extract in her car." I was just born with that face, ya know?

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  4. Hi Trader Joe's management. Why don't you guys research this vanilla before carding innocent bakers? The result would be: "Madagascar Bourbon vanilla does not have anything to do with the American whiskey of the same name, but rather, derives its name from the old name for Madagascar - the Bourbon Islands."

    FROM: http://www.earthy.com/Pure-Bourbon-Vanilla-Extract-4-oz-P853.aspx


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  5. HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE WHIPPED CREAM WITH BOOZE IN IT??? You should have bought that instead. :)

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    1. we have it at work right now for a project, haha

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  6. I spell it tabouleh. And that sucks that you could not find what you were looking for!!!

    Steven has those crazy nightmares too! I usually forget about them until later on. Then I laugh at him and make mean jokes.

    I love JARRITOS! FRESA!!!!

    I did not know about the green onions = scallions. Is that for realz?!

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    1. I don't have specific proof on the green onion/scallion thing, but i think the photo speaks for itself, haha

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  7. I am loving that they carded you for the vanilla extract. I would of had to take a second take and make sure there wasn't a hidden camera because that is not normal. What's next? mouthwash?

    Also...nothing needed for the whipped cream. Open your mouth, spray, party. repeat.

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  8. Funny about the vanilla extract! The TJs clerk clearly was not paying attention. I am super bad about going to the grocery store after I workout and then I get home and realize how awful I smelled. Ooops!

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    1. Yeah, i feel bad, but once i get home, i am not going out again. For anything.

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  9. omg..it was breakfast cereal..I am dying here..LOL

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    1. So awful. And tried to eat it too because we were starving by this point, haha

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  10. I was carded last week for Draino.....I promise NOT to drink it. Really, I promise!

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  11. For the record, if you were to eat said Reddi-whip straight from the can with no hot cocoa or ice cream, you wouldn't be the first girl on the planet to do so. Just sayin'. :/

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  12. Wolff's Kasha?! Now I know what I'm getting for the white elephant exchange at my in-laws family Christmas!!

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