Seriously?

1. Stiletto racing.  As if running wasn't hard enough.  

Really?  Because running without twisting your ankles normally was just too easy.  Why don't we save ourselves the spectacle, and i will just knock all you bitches over.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

2.  I had every intent of teaching the dog to carry around a little flag for the duration of the olympics....

Only in the two seconds it took me to take this photo, she managed to Usain Bolt her way to the couch and demolish the flag.  I am slightly concerned that this means my dog (and by association, me) is a terrorist.  Or at the very least, a turncoat.

Plus, i'm going to go out on a limb and theorize that you shouldn't eat flags under any circumstances.....

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

3.  Speaking of devil dog, we took her to the dog beach again as part of my "don't neglect the dog" mission for august.  

She of course sprinted around the entire time encouraging every other dog to chase her.  Waffles is fast - greyhound fast.  They are built for speed, so obviously, none of the other dogs can catch her, but a select few can give her a run for her money.  

But of course, rather than a showdown with a dog of her build, she befriends an english bull dog.  This poor bull dog gave 110% trying to chase her, but not being a breed that is great for aerobic activity or heat tolerance, the poor guy just started puking every 200 meters from heat stroke, while still chasing her.  

We all (Matt and I, and the owners of the bulldog) started chasing the bulldog to stop him from running, but he was so determined to catch her.  And lord knows that my little asshole will not come when i call her unless i am waving a sausage.  We eventually caught the poor guy and cooled him off, but i felt so bad about it!

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

4.  I went on the most terrible run last night.  I don't know what my deal is, but i started off way too fast.  I think i have been watching way too much track and field.  Only instead of looking like an Olympian, i looked like a loser dry heaving next to the North Branch trail at mile 2 because it was 92 degrees out.  Then a group of bikers blew by and the the first one shouted "Runner on the left" and the second one shouted "Nevermind, she's not running"

Thanks, guys.  FML.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

5.  Speaking of major problems, guess who hasn't done laundry in almost two weeks?

Clearly, it's this girl.  I think i might just keep buying new clothes, because i just don't want to do laundry anymore.  The pile seems to grow out of control, like algae or something.  I just don't want to concern myself with it anymore.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

6.  CNN just interrupted me while i was watching the new extended trailer for Honey Boo Boo Child" (don't judge) To inform me with a breaking alert that July was the hottest month on record. 

SHOCKER.

Thank god for the breaking news.  I never would have believed it if it wasn't coming from CNN.  

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

7. That stupid Ikea lamp we risked our lives and relationship for?  Didn't even have a plug on it.  Apparently, you have to wire it yourself.  I can't repeat anything that Matt said upon discovering this, because i like to keep the blog PG-13, but you can always rewatch the Charlton Heston Planet of the Apes clip to get a feel for his emotions.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

8.  When i went to see Moonrise Kingdom this weekend, the only other person laughing in the entire theater was a 60 year old man.  So apparently, I have a very mature sense of humor.  Like AARP mature.

Do young people seriously not find this entertaining??

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

9. I had a minor collision with a deer last week.  No, not with my car, with my body.  I tripped off the trail to avoid a lightening fast biker that gave me no warning of his approach, and stumbled into a deer that was also startled by the biker.  His butt touched my arm.  I don't know who was more scared.  No wait, it was definitely me.  Sorry there aren't any pictures, but seriously, i was attacked by a god damn deer.  Give me a break.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

10. It has come to my attention that a significant amount of the Chicago Running Bloggers are not Bloody Mary fans.  This has prompted me to form BMAI.  (the Bloody Mary Appreciation Initiative.)  I am not totally sure how to structure this, but i do know it will involve me drinking lots of them to show my appreciation, and then describing it in great detail, just to show you all what you're missing.

Please contact me to join BMAI.  I have no idea what that entails, but it involves drinking bloody marys, so i really don't know what more you people expect from me...

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.