A message to all runners and walkers.

We pushed back our trip to rock vegas until tomorrow, so instead, i went for a nice freezing cold run.

I seriously hate being cold so, so much.


On a serious note though, I have a rule for runners and pedestrians alike that i feel i must remind everyone of.


Under no, and i mean NO circumstances do you EVER cross in front of a moving funeral procession.  EVER.
I don't care if you are in a hurry, or have stay reved up, or about to miss your bus.  just. don't. do it.


I actually witnessed a girl, walk in front of a moving funeral procession and GIVE A CAR THE FINGER because she had the little walking man light.  My jaw literally hit the sidewalk.  I have never seen something so horrifyingly offensive in my entire life.  And to add insult to injury, i say at least 3 other people run in between the cars of the procession.  Not only is that a crime against humanity, i am pretty sure its the equivalent of smashing a mirror over a black cat underneath a ladder.  Consider yourself doomed.  And for everyone else, JUST STOP FOR FIVE MINUTES and think about those poor people who are on their ways to bury a loved one.

Christmas

I celebrate Christmas twice.  I celebrate Christmas Eve with my mom, and Christmas day with Matt and his family.  


1.  The thing about my family is that we're dysfunctional.  We're not sitting around smoking crack and beating children, but it basically plays out something like national lampoons christmas vacation every single year.  Last year, i got in a fight.  I  got in a FIGHT.  at CHRISTMAS.  who can say that?


2.  This year we had a lot of people not show up for various reasons (sickness, pregnancy, etc) so there were only maybe 20 of us there.  (I come from a huge family, because this is only my family that lives in Rockford attending.  Most of them live in Chicago...)


3.  I had a 10 year old tell me that i look pregnant and 42.  That didn't sting AT ALL.......


4.  Thank god for my brother, otherwise i would probably murder people.

5.  Because there are so many of us, we do yankee swap rather than buy gifts for everyone.  Everyone brings a gift of about $20-25, and then we draw numbers to choose gifts.  You also can steal gifts that have already been opened.  Last year we had death threats over a bottle of amaretto, and this year there was a throwdown over chocolate.  


6.  We also have a gag gift - the boob mug.  The boob mug was my Dad's, and i guess it was one of the few posessions he bought to the table when he and my mom first got married.  She hated it.  I am surprised he managed to keep them around so long actually.  My dad passed away a few christmas's ago, so its a nice way to honor the dead...with a boob mug.  (i told you - dysfunctional.)

Oh, you thought i was kidding?  Its a boob mug.  you drink from the nipple.....

Just to be fair, the boob mug is usually accompanied by cash or a giftcard.  


7.  My mom is still on this "vegan kick"  so she tried to make vegan lasagna.  blech.  It was ok, just really, really bland.  The kicker is, i watched her eat some pizza with pepperoni and sausage earlier, so i feel that the lack of cheese on the lasagna was to punish me for my constant sass.


8.  I got the boob mug in yankee swap!!

and a gift card for gas!!  DOUBLE SCORE!

9. I got a machete!

You know you're in Rockford when you get a Machete from santa.  This baby is from my brother, who  totally understands my obsession with zombies.  He got me a machete and hot pink compression socks. I am ready for those bitches now. 

I also got a new pair of running shoes, my mom santa was able to find a marked down pair of my existing Nike's, so i can still have pink shoes and not have to deal with the new gray ones.  I also got a furry hat, really pretty earrings, and most importantly, PILLOWS!  Thank god!  i have had shitty ikea pillows for years and i hate them.

When i fail to outrun the zombies, i now have a machete option.

10.  I drank a lot that night.  Then i had to wake up at 5am to catch a ride to the bus, catch a bus to O'hare, to catch a plane to Cincinnati.  I was hurting.  Thank god for 24-hour airport bars.

Hair of the dog...

I also snuck a cookie through security.  I didn't think cookies were a terrorist threat, but the guy in front of me in the security line got his cookie taken away, while mine snuck through in a pocket of my purse. SUCK IT, TSA.  (or maybe he actually had some kind of cookie bomb? in which case, THANK YOU, TSA!)


11.  Christmas with Matt's family is the polar opposite of Christmas with my family.  Matt, his mom and dad, and myself sat down to a beautiful and peaceful turkey dinner.  The we opened presents.  I got some really beautiful work clothes from his parents, and Matt got me a voucher for a BYOB four course french cooking lesson!!  The end.


12.  Actually in addition to that, we went to a famous light display at a mill in central Ohio.  It was super cheesy and right up my alley!

They had a light up mini big boy!!

They had a huge village of miniatures that was mind blowing.  My favorite was the mini big boy.  It was pointed out by all that i have never actually eaten at a big boy.  The general consensus was to avoid it, as it would never live up to level i have elevated it to.


And that was MY christmas!!


I am going to take a break and run some errands.  I actually have to go all the way back to rockford to get my car, and i am preparing crab cakes and oysters for our super fancy NYE dinner!!


The after christmas post will come later, but fear not...there will be PUPPIES!

Pre-Christmas

Because so much has happened in the past week, and so much of it is uninteresting, i have decided to break it down into three sections, and series of bulletpoints.  Because i have OCD and organization makes me very happy.  Then i am going to catch up on other peoples blogs.  I have got my work cut out for me!


To begin with Pre-Christmas!


1. On one of the last days of work, my coworker and i decided to run to the local mall to get a few last minute gifts.  Bad idea.  real bad.

This is my worst nightmare.

Turns out, they had a christmas present to the world, and the entire team of the Chicago Bulls were at the mall to sign autographs.  It was horrifying how many people were there, and it looked like they had been there since the mall opened, and there were no bulls in sight.  YIKES.  The only person i would stand in line like that to meet would be Matt Damon.  because i love him.


2.  I was going to "work from home" friday, but then the head honcho scheduled a meeting for friday AM.  Lame!


3.  That aforementioned meeting kept getting pushed back an hour until it was at 1!  It's like he knew i intended to skate out of there the minute it was done.


4.  I then drove to Rockford to see my mama.  I camped out on the couch and watched every version of "A Christmas Carol" i could find.  God i love that story!  My favorite is the ghost of Christmas present. I want to BE him.  The best version i watched was the Patrick Stuart version.  Its not necessarily the best, but he is just SO good at being Scrooge!

Christmas??  BA HUMBUG!

5.  I was up way to late (like 11:30pm!  ha)  because both my mom and brother are night shift workers, so midnight is basically their lunch time.  We ended in a midnight blitz to locate the "duck tales christmas carol" per my demand.  It has to exist, i swear!

Duck Tales..... A WOO OO!

The closest we could find via internet research was that Scrooge McDuck was Ebenezer Scrooge in Mickey's christmas carol.  That mickey gets credit for EVERYTHING.  My mom then swore she had a copy of it on VHS from back in the day when she would record shows off of public television for us to rewatch.  (we were that family) She located it, popped it in, and the VCR promptly ate the tape.  BA HUMBUG!


6.  Believe it or not, i ran.

Like, outside and shit.

It was ok.  I am back to being really slow and lame.  Wait - that statement implies that there was a time that i wasn't slow and lame.  I actually signed up for CARA marathon training to help with my recent motivational issues.  I am going to embarrass myself next weekend.  BAD.


7.  I helped my brother wrap presents.  That within itself is an adventure.....

This shot where the ribbon has rolled away from his control best sums up the situation.

Oh well, i love the kid anyway.


8. Lastly, I love my family, i really do.  But my mom has 4 cats.  FOUR.

What am i allergic to?  CATS.  And it's not like she is vacuuming everyday after them either, so everytime i visit home, it is entering a furball nightmare.  This shit is everywhere....in my eyes, in my mouth, in my food.  Needless to say, it is a death-punch to my immune system.

HOME!

It's so good to be home!  real posts tomorrow, after three states, buses, trains, cars, and planes, i am BEAT, and camping out on my couch for the night.  :D

Whats even better....

Than a cheap bottle of whiskey on my desk?

A bottle of fancy whiskey on my desk!!

I am seriously moving up in the world!


And i have the best co-worker ever!!

cookies and other drugs.

I am enjoying my break from running a littttttttle too much.  I am definitely starting to feel the repercussions, especially in the pants area.  I think my return to running next week is going to painful, but not as painful as the hangover i have today.  For someone who rarely drinks (more than one drink a night) And is usually in bed by 10:30, it was a pretty long weekend with many glasses of wine, and even more glasses of champagne; and not to mention going to bed at 2am every night.  I basically feel like hell, but it was 100% worth it.  I had my work party on friday, and managed to not drink too much and embarrass myself (always a good thing), finished my christmas shopping on saturday and wrapped all the presents, and then spent a solid 8 hours in the kitchen sunday baking and preparing food for a holiday friends get-together i hosted Sunday night.  


Because i am a crazy over-achiever, here are pictures of my party (which was obviously sponsored by pintrest)!  I say over-achiever only because i could have easily put out a basket of tater tots, and everyone would have been just as happy and festive.  I love my friends!!

The three types of cookies i made - pine nut cookies (bottom), Saltine toffee (middle) and cake batter truffles (top)

my beautiful, yet completely dying, tree in the background

Had to get a picture of my living room being clean, because i assure this never happens.

These are the hurricanes that were filled with cranberries that Matt kept eating.  I decided to fill them with something harder for him to eat, like glass ornaments.

I made tortellini and antipasto skewers, and spinach and artichoke dip, and i had bread and cheese.  It seemed to go over well, and i would like to think no one left hungry.

Cranberries in the champagne to be festive.  Yes, Matt ate them right out of my glass.

Happy Holidays, you crazy kids!

My posting will be sporadic until after new years because i will be traveling alot, but until then, i hope everyone has safe travels, good food, great times, and is able to squeak in a run so we don't all end up looking Santa.

Breaking news...

I have a fragment of pistachio stuck in the back of my throat, and it has been driving me nuts for over an hour.  Its too far back for me to actually reach it with my hand (without accidentally gagging myself).  I have drank around 300 cups of water trying to dislodge the damn thing to no avail.  


The universe is punishing me for my constant snacking....

2 hours of reflection

At least thats what i'm calling it.  Traffic was a NIGHTMARE this morning, and of course i was in a hurry to make it for a meeting (which i missed entirely, btw.)  I sat parked on the expressway for close to an hour, and then creeped along for another hour.   Spending so much time in traffic has the ability to make one go mad, so i have created a handful of games to entertain me during my hellacious journey.  One is the license plate game.  I have been trying to find all 50 states, while creeping down the highway, and i had a huge break through today....

Yea, THAT just happened!

THAT, my friends, is an alaska license plate.  ALASKA!  I have been waiting for an Alaska for 6 months!!!  Man, i love the holidays....That alone makes sitting in traffic for two hours seem worth it.  I might have some priority issues.  

I also spent that two hours trying to sleuth and figure out what the hell happened to make the traffic so bad.  You can usually find clues laying along the side of the highway.  A fender here, a headlight there....
I saw plenty of fender bender remnants, but non of those should be enough to lead to a two hour gridlock.    At one point, i saw tons of little white foam pellets all along the side of the highway, and a trail of them went on for two miles.  Obviously, being the master mind that i am, i was able to crack the case.  The only solution is that a bean bag chair and a giant inflatable snow-globe lawn ornament had a throw down in the middle of the highway, a throwdown which they both lost, resulting in their pellet-y insides being spewed across the highway, and creating a monumental traffic jam as spectators tried to flee in horror.  


Don't worry, i'm not quitting my day job.

11 days!

Until christmas!  Don't mistake my exclamation points for excitement, i stand beside by belief that christmas is horrible.  But it does mean time off from work,  YEA!  It also means that i should be done with Xmas shopping.  Which i am NOT. ANYWHERE. NEAR.  I made a considerable dent in it last night though, so i am feeling good.  I got to leave work early to get some in store photos for a project, and since i was out and about, i decided to take the plunge and cross some gifts off the list.  


I was going to get some additional gifts today after work, but apparently i left both my purse and my phone at home!  I have no credit cards, no cash, no DRIVERS LICENSE, and no phone!  How do i do these things???


It is also raining.  and 50 degrees.  IN CHICAGO.  IN DECEMBER! I can't remember a winter this mild actually.  I don't mind the 50 degrees, but this rain needs to go.  I still can't bring myself to run in the rain.  I just can't do it.  Maybe that could be a new years resolution?  So despite my whole, "oh if the weather was warmer i would totally run outside" rant, i am still running on the treadmill for now.  A huge part of that is just how busy i have become with holiday things.  December is just a nightmare for me trying to run and cook healthy meals.  Bring on the January!




Part of what has me scurrying about is that i am hosting a christmas gathering at my place this weekend.  All my friends are as busy as i am, and it has been damn near impossible even trying to meet up for a drink.  (one factor in that is that i go to bed at 10:30, so no one really wants to hang out with me)  So, i am stocking the house with food and booze, and making everyone come to me!  When Matt's parents came to town, his mom brought us this beautiful centerpiece that i had a vision of:

Mother-in-laws, they are even better than us at being us.

I have always wanted giant hurricane globes that i could fill with ornaments, or pine cones, or whatever, and she found these beautiful ones and filled then with limes and cranberries, and even got those battery powered fake candles that look super real from restoration hardware.  I was stoked.  Now everyone will come to my party and think "Man, she really has it together."  The only thing standing in my way now is Matt.  He keeps EATING MY CENTERPIECE.  He can't walk by the damn thing without grabbing a handful of cranberries, like it's his own personal candy dish!  This concerns me for multiple reasons:

1.  My centerpiece will be gone by the time the party rolls around!

2.  It sounds really weird when you have to yell at your significant other to stop eating the decorations

3.  Who the heck just sits around and eats raw cranberries????

Happy Holidays....

The NON-running streak has ended

Although i was still a Lame-o and ran inside.  

my ineptitude can be exacerbating....

Somehow i forgot a hair tie.  AMAZING, i am.  I ran a little over 2.5 miles at an easy 10 min pace.  It actually didn't totally suck.  It's still a little annoying just being on a treadmill, but seeing as how its unseasonably warm right now (it's supposed to be 50 degrees tomorrow!) I can't really whine about how it is way too cold to run... I am currently stuck debating on running during my lunch break and looking like a nerd (freeing me up to do some xmas shopping after work) and running afterwork, but cutting into my shopping time.  My life is full of hard decisions.  

Although in the process of trying to write this, i have been interrupted multiple times, and decided to run after work.  I just hate being all sweaty at my desk, and for some reason, whenever i run, i continue to sweat for about 3 hours afterwards.  

A fresh start!

I just moved my desk to a different spot in the building, and it is doing wonders for my general attitude about my job and life.  


This is my view now:

Is that sunlight???

Its still not exactly breath-taking, but its a huge improvement over the last view, which was of an empty desk.  on either side of me.  The new view is so inspiring, that i am going to stop being depressed about my completely chaotic and unstable job, and start drinking sunshine and sparkles for breakfast.  It's also time to stop feeling run down, and start running again.  My two week trip to frown town has ended!  A couple notes on my new fresh start:


1.  I'm going to start eating better.  I am not one to diet, and i will never say no to a piece of candy, but since the weather has gotten cold, and all the healthy foods are out of season, i have been going for long stretches of time without eating any fruit or veggies.  So i am going to actively try to eat a piece of fruit every single morning, and a salad every day.  


2.  I have to stop eating sooooo much candy.  i need to prioritize and only eat the really, really good candy.  My first step towards this was today i bought the healthy trail mix to snack on all week that is all fruit and nuts, rather than the one that is all white chocolate chips and peanut butter chips.  Less candy, and more fruit in an EASY TO TRANSPORT BAG!


3.  Drink more water.  I have just gotten really lazy lately with walking my butt to a source of water and drinking it.  Therefore i will just sit and be thirsty rather than walk across the office.  Today, that changes.  Mostly because i moved my desk next to the water cooler.


4.  And lastly, running.  It's been two weeks, and if i laze any longer, its going to be a really brutal slap in the face when i start training for the rockford marathon next month.  Brutal.  This weekend i walked alll day sunday shopping with the inlaws (which is alllllmost as good as running)  I also went to the doctor on friday and got an inhaler:

My nerd points just went through the roof.

Now i have no excuse for being slow other than the fact that i am actually quite slow.  I had been having an increasingly horrible time breathing as the weather got colder, so now this will help, coupled with the fact that it is going to be in the low 40's all week (which now seems like a frickin heat wave) I think this is the perfect week to get back on the wagon.  or off the wagon....  I never quite understood that saying anyway...


Tis the season!

Dear Santa...

The time has came to make a list for santa my mom.  The tricky thing about asking for something for christmas from my mom is that she rules with an iron fist.  I have to need it, it has to be reasonably priced, and it has to be something that is either easily purchased (online) or something she would enjoy purchasing (books.)  That means i have to really run through the purchasing cycle of any potential gift before i ask for it.  


First on the list is new running shoes.


I have two possible options...These are the shoes i have now:

Nike Structure Triax 14

Hello, old friend.

These shoes have been good to me, so i would be perfectly content with a new pair of the same shoe.  The problem is that Nike just came out with the 15 version of this shoe, which only comes in white and gray.  

WHY ARE YOU SO LAME???

I know that if i were a "real" runner, shoe color would not matter.  Guess what, Nike - IT MATTERS.  Boring shoes make running seem like a punishment.  I want a bright, obnoxious shoe.  When i feel like i want to quit on a long run, i look down at my shoes, and think, "ooh!  bright color!  Let's keep running."  DON'T YOU TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME, NIKE!  There might come a time when i need to start hoarding brightly colored shoes. (Thats where those hoarder tendencies come from!)  Another pair of shoes i think i could slowly run some marathons with are these:

Mizuno Wave Inspire 8

Look at how bright they are.....

I don't just want them because they are teal, i swear.  I tried them on at a running store at the time i bought the Nikes originally, and they were both equally awesome, so i am familiar with the fit, etc.

I am also in need of some good recovery gear.  There is always a possibility that i will just get in really good shape and not be sore after every long run and....Nahhh, who are we kidding.  I need recovery gear.   I really want a pair of Aspaeris pivot shorts.  They just look so beautifully tight and "compressivey"  

And i want a pair of compression socks.  I have had so many issues with my lame and underdeveloped calf/shin muscles.  They just don't respect me.  Maybe, just maybe, if i get them pink socks....

And, because i obviously do way more than run, i have some non-running requests on the list as well:

Dare to dream....

$400 Stuart Weitzman wedges (because i need to have something ridiculous on the list to make all the other gift requests seem more reasonable.  (It's all about perspective.)

And of course, grizzly bear socks for my hunter boots.

Baby, it's cold outside...

Looking like a bear is the first step to mastering cold weather survival.  ASK ANYONE.

In all honesty, the only thing i really want/need/plan on actually getting for christmas is the shoes, but making a list is just so much fun.  

I wonder whats on everyone else's Christmas list?

memes and schemes.

My coworker and i have been trying to clean up our space a little bit because of our imminent soon to be unemployed state.  I didn't realize it, but we straight up qualify for a hoarders intervention.  I have no idea how it got so bad!  I think part of the problem is that because we design packaging, we have samples everywhere of crap that we think looks cool.  We even have samples that all our other offices in other countries send us.  We keep uncovering random bottles and jars from foreign countries.


Thats how we created a little game called "chinese gum roulette"

The rules to Chinese gum roulette is that we both have to blindly stick whatever is in each of these packages in our mouth, and the first one to spit it out loses.  The fun part is that because almost everything is in chinese, we can't tell if its gum, mints, candy, medicine, or illegal drugs.  No idea. 


In the end it was a draw, because almost everything seemed to be gum that tasted like medicine.  Lame.  Although if i never blog again, it is probably because i managed to poison myself.  


I have also been on a meme craze.  What can i say, chemistry cat and success kid really know how to cheer me up....

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

That client i have beating myself stupid over trying to please them fired us monday.  Thats basically the equivelant of the "cue music to end speech" as far as my job is concerned.  I would like to think i won't lose my job before christmas, but these are the people that laid off half the company for Thanksgiving last year.


Basically i am screwed.  and DEPRESSED!


I have that constant pain that comes from not caring about life.  and binge drinking.  I have moped for the past two days (and tried to hide myself from anyone of power at work)  But it is time to embrace this.


Step one:  Make a bunch of doctors appointments because i probably wont have health insurance soon.
Step two:  GET SOME EXERCISE
Step three:  Consider a new career.  It would appear that i have failed at this whole design thing.  So unless anyone is in desperate need of an industrial designer in the greater chicago area, i have prepared this list of possible future careers i could go into:

Since i created this, i also came up with "motivational speaker" (HA!)  and marrying prince Harry and becoming british royalty.  


I also need to further research all positions associated with "Chinese Death Vans".  My coworker told me to put that one there, and swears they are a real thing, but if this is false, it would not be the first time he had bamboozled me.


I wonder if there is a job for looking up funny images on pintrest, because i do EXCEL at that....

hahahahaha

The race that damn near killed me.

I don't know why i have these illusions of grandeur, i really, really don't.  I signed up for this race thinking i would end my "season" on high note.  I really don't run much in december, and i am cool with that.  I wanted this one last chance to dip below two hours for my half time.  It seemed totally doable.  I ran a 2:02 in Cincy, and i ran just under 9 minute miles for that 10 miler. I assumed that because this was a "turkey trot" half marathon, it would be fun and casual.


BREAKING NEWS: i'm a moron.


This was by far the most competitive race i have ever run! Matt dropped me off at the packet pick up, and i had to take a trolley to the start line.  I was creepily spying overhearing everyone around me, and most people were like, "ughhhh, i should actually be running 30 miles today, i am being sooooo lazy" While i am sitting there thinking "uuuughhhhh, don't throw up all the wine you have been drinking for the past week straight."
Not the best way to go into a race.  It was also cold.  Apparently the year before when they ran the race it was about 28 degrees, so while it was a balmy 40 degrees, it was still cold, and i was out of breath just standing in line to use the port-a-potty.  (it is soooo time to get an inhaler.) I located a 2:00 pace group, and figured i would hang with them as long as i could, but the windy, windy cold was getting to me, and i  knew breathing would be an issue.  I figured, i will keep up as long as i can, and then pull back when i need to.  There is no need to kill myself for this race.  We started out ok, and i kept up with the pace group for about 3 miles.  I kept getting further behind at the water stations because they didnt stop, and i didn't care enough to catch up.  Around mile 4, it started to rain.  And it continued to rain for the next 10 miles.  It actually rained ALL DAY LONG.  I was so cold, and wet, and miserable.  I was coughing up copious amounts of phlegm, and i managed to get mascara in my eye rendering me damn near blind.  Did i mention i was cold, wet, and miserable?  ok good.  I actually started crying around mile 9.  I don't deal with being cold and wet very well, obviously.  Matt had chosen to wait out the race in the car because of the obviously impending rain.  smart man.  We actually had to run past the finish like at mile 10, and then do a separate out and back for the last 3 miles.  That killed me.  I just wanted to sneak out and finish.  But then i saw Matt!  he was waiting for me at the 10 mile mark!

smiling through the tears.

Right before he took this, i actually had my fingers to my temple like a gun.  No words, just emotions....I finished in 2:11, which is horrible, but i felt a little better because everyone seemed to be about 5-10 minutes behind where they wanted to be, even the pace groups!  (i actually finished before the 2:10 pace group, if thats any indication of the suck level that occured that day.)  

i....hate.....everyone....

We finished, and i grabbed a mushy bagel and soggy popcorn, and we ran to the car, where i promptly blasted the heat at 800 degrees.  Unfortunately, the parking situation was a huge issue for this race, and it took us 30 minutes to get out of the parking lot, which sucks for Matt more than anything because i whined the whole time.  

This race hurt me.  The cold made me really sore, and i was undertrained, and i think my soul was a little damaged....

On the plus side though, i love the race shirt.  Its really simple and black and i can't stop wearing it.  I would consider running the race again just for the shirt.  And revenge.  I would do it for revenge.

Way to go, cluckie, you god damn slave driving stuffed chicken.