FWP

Finally, it's Wednesday, and i can let my bitchiness shine.

1.  When the first world enters the third world, we get PROBLEMS.  I understand that the secret service hiring a bunch Colombian hookers probably isn't presenting our government in the best light, but lets be real - the were in Cartegena, Colombia.  If they get out of there with only a hooker scandal, i think they did ok.  Its Colombia.  I watched a documentary where people in Cartegena cheat on their wives with donkeys.  Or maybe it was a comedy sketch.  I really don't care enough to cross check my facts.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

2.  I have been trying my hardest to be little miss sunshine this week, but it is just not working out for me.  I am in a pissy mood, despite having what would be considered a pretty blessed and fortunate life. I was trying to find some witty image about the glass being half empty vs half full, and i found this, and it perfectly describes my mood this week.  Also, i hate juice.  Just looking at it is making me angry.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


3. I have made a pact with myself to eat healthy for the next 30 days leading up to my first marathon.  I have been eating pretty crappy lately, and am starting to feel the negative effects.  I say down tonight to try and come up with an eating plan, and i realized that i have nothing.  I plan to eat some oatmeal for breakfast tomorrow, but beyond that, i'm drawing a complete blank. What do people eat when they are not eating candy??  #Failsathealthylivinggirl

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


4.  While i was writing this blog post, i burned the GOD DAMN OATMEAL.

I'm back to hating you slow cook  steel cut oats.  Who is able to focus on something for 30 minutes??  Not me, thats for sure.  If any one asks, i am going to say all the black spots are chia seeds.....
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


5.  I skipped my tuesday night run because i just couldn't deal with it, physically or mentally.  Instead i came home and snuggled with this french baguette

cross training?

Yeah, my race day performance is looking pretty good.  pretty good indeed.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


6. Tuesday morning Matt and i woke up to a weird rattling sound.  It seemed to be coming from the furnace room.  We started to panic, because we have had mice problems before.  This sounded much bigger and much stupider than a mouse though.  I saw a sliver of black poke through one of the slots on the door at about eye level, but Matt didn't believe me.  I guessed it to be either a human sized rat, a bird, or a bat.  He called the landlord, and they discussed how it was impossible for something to actually be in the apartment, and it must just be trapped in the furnace (i'm sorry, does that make me feel better??) The main point was that i was a paranoid wimpy girl.  Matt opened the door and was looking at the furnace while talking to the landlord, when BAM - bird flies out.  A fucking bird.  The poor landlord - all he heard was  "Yeah, i don't think the front panel to this furnace actually comes off, so we might have to OH MY GOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" end call.  I was screaming hysterically because i HATE birds.  I grabbed the dog and threw her in our bedroom (why?  no idea.)  We eventually got it out a window, but the dog was traumatized and wouldn't come out from under the bed for like an hour, and i have a renewed hatred of birds.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


7. Since Matt has been playing house husband, he decided to make my tortilla soup for dinner.  Which entailed calling me.  Every five minutes.  To go over basic cooking techniques.  We hit a huge snag when it turned out he didn't know how to use a can opener.  Seriously.  How do does one verbally instruct someone to open a can via phone?  It's impossible - you try it.  He decided to go rogue and stab at the damn thing with an oyster shucker.

I assure you, i couldn't make this up if i tried.
Can openers - FIRST WORLD PROBLEM.


8.  Kim @ Runner Nurse found this image that basically sums up my existence-

I really wish i was mysterious, or complex, or even intriguing, but seriously, this postcard sums me up entirely.  I am what i am.


FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


9.  Traffic has been so bad this week that i have on multiple occasions thought about flipping out and just ramming my car into everyone around me like a giant game of bumper cars.  So you should probably avoid me on the road unless you want a 

FIRST WORLD PROBLEM


10. I have been going around reading peoples recaps of their first marathons, and to be honest, i am terrified.  I have an aversion to pain, throwing up, pooping my pants, and open thigh sores.  I don't like these things.  It seems that running 26.2 miles is just not something that the human body is meant to do.  Unless you live in the third world.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS