Some fun facts!

Today's fun facts are about one of the most famous races EVER! - The Tortoise and the Hare!

1. No one ACTUALLY knows what the moral of this story is, because Aesop was mysterious like that.  The best guesses are "haste makes waste" and "slow and steady win the race" and "brain's over brawn"


2. However, there is an entire French sub culture that claims that what really happens is that the rabbit realized how pointless such a competition was, while the stupid tortoise didn't know any better and continued on.  There was eventually a life threatening forest fire endangering all the animals, and so they sent an urgent plea for help via the tortoise "the race winner", but apparently the story ends there.
*spoiler - everyone burned to death 
The French would think that....


3.  Common rabbits have been known to clock speeds of nearly 35 mph when fleeing from prey, but the brown hare has been clocked at a super speedy 45 mph!

4. The fastest speed the tortoise has ever been documented at was going 15 ft in 43 seconds toward an attractive female tortoise.

5. The elusive ginger foxxx, which has nothing to do with the race, has been clocked at a 7.3mph, but is rarely able to achieve this pace unless lured with icy cold adult beverages.

6.  If this race were in water (which it was never specifically mentioned that it wasn't...) Both the brown hare and the ginger foxxx can't swim.  Hare's have been documented to cross small streams, but only when absolutely necessary.  The pacific leatherback has been clocked swimming at a speedy 22mph when frightened!

7. In a triathalon, both myself and the hare would die in the first leg of the race.  Even if it takes the tortoise 20 years to learn how to ride a bike, he's got this.


8.  If you factor in time, the average hare lives about 10 years.  The average tortoise lives about 125 years, and the average US woman lives 80 years.  If we were to run at our maximum speed for our entire life span, and the race was total distance covered, i would beat BOTH those suckers!
G-foxxx: 5,101,824 miles
Hare: 3,931,200 miles
Tortoise: 251,160 miles

9. Again, if any portion of this were water, the stupid tortoise would beat everyone, unless we rode on his back as a life raft, MacGyver style.


10. The reason the Hare loses the race is that he lays down to take a nap half way through.  Because the distance of this race is never stated, i maintain that this whole thing could be a huge misunderstanding.  Who among us has not wanted to lay down after 18 miles and take a nap? What?  Just me and the Hare?  So be it.  Better to lose the damn race than to die.  I think the tortoise and the hare are both smart cookies!


Hope you enjoyed these absolutely useless facts!