Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Seriously?

1. Stiletto racing.  As if running wasn't hard enough.  
Really?  Because running without twisting your ankles normally was just too easy.  Why don't we save ourselves the spectacle, and i will just knock all you bitches over.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

2.  I had every intent of teaching the dog to carry around a little flag for the duration of the olympics....
Only in the two seconds it took me to take this photo, she managed to Usain Bolt her way to the couch and demolish the flag.  I am slightly concerned that this means my dog (and by association, me) is a terrorist.  Or at the very least, a turncoat.
Plus, i'm going to go out on a limb and theorize that you shouldn't eat flags under any circumstances.....

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

3.  Speaking of devil dog, we took her to the dog beach again as part of my "don't neglect the dog" mission for august.  

She of course sprinted around the entire time encouraging every other dog to chase her.  Waffles is fast - greyhound fast.  They are built for speed, so obviously, none of the other dogs can catch her, but a select few can give her a run for her money.  


But of course, rather than a showdown with a dog of her build, she befriends an english bull dog.  This poor bull dog gave 110% trying to chase her, but not being a breed that is great for aerobic activity or heat tolerance, the poor guy just started puking every 200 meters from heat stroke, while still chasing her.  

We all (Matt and I, and the owners of the bulldog) started chasing the bulldog to stop him from running, but he was so determined to catch her.  And lord knows that my little asshole will not come when i call her unless i am waving a sausage.  We eventually caught the poor guy and cooled him off, but i felt so bad about it!

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

4.  I went on the most terrible run last night.  I don't know what my deal is, but i started off way too fast.  I think i have been watching way too much track and field.  Only instead of looking like an Olympian, i looked like a loser dry heaving next to the North Branch trail at mile 2 because it was 92 degrees out.  Then a group of bikers blew by and the the first one shouted "Runner on the left" and the second one shouted "Nevermind, she's not running"

Thanks, guys.  FML.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

5.  Speaking of major problems, guess who hasn't done laundry in almost two weeks?
Clearly, it's this girl.  I think i might just keep buying new clothes, because i just don't want to do laundry anymore.  The pile seems to grow out of control, like algae or something.  I just don't want to concern myself with it anymore.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

6.  CNN just interrupted me while i was watching the new extended trailer for Honey Boo Boo Child" (don't judge) To inform me with a breaking alert that July was the hottest month on record. 

SHOCKER.

Thank god for the breaking news.  I never would have believed it if it wasn't coming from CNN.  

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

7. That stupid Ikea lamp we risked our lives and relationship for?  Didn't even have a plug on it.  Apparently, you have to wire it yourself.  I can't repeat anything that Matt said upon discovering this, because i like to keep the blog PG-13, but you can always rewatch the Charlton Heston Planet of the Apes clip to get a feel for his emotions.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

8.  When i went to see Moonrise Kingdom this weekend, the only other person laughing in the entire theater was a 60 year old man.  So apparently, I have a very mature sense of humor.  Like AARP mature.

Do young people seriously not find this entertaining??
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

9. I had a minor collision with a deer last week.  No, not with my car, with my body.  I tripped off the trail to avoid a lightening fast biker that gave me no warning of his approach, and stumbled into a deer that was also startled by the biker.  His butt touched my arm.  I don't know who was more scared.  No wait, it was definitely me.  Sorry there aren't any pictures, but seriously, i was attacked by a god damn deer.  Give me a break.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

10. It has come to my attention that a significant amount of the Chicago Running Bloggers are not Bloody Mary fans.  This has prompted me to form BMAI.  (the Bloody Mary Appreciation Initiative.)  I am not totally sure how to structure this, but i do know it will involve me drinking lots of them to show my appreciation, and then describing it in great detail, just to show you all what you're missing.
Please contact me to join BMAI.  I have no idea what that entails, but it involves drinking bloody marys, so i really don't know what more you people expect from me...

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

37 comments:

  1. I can only join BMAI if the drinks DO NOT have shrimp or meat in them ;) Or are you just drinking them all and talking about them? I thought you were cutting back on your alcohol consumption...? LOL

    Hit by a deer! EPIC!

    Did the bikers really say that?! A-holes!!!

    I caught up on laundry so much this week that I do not have enough hangers. That is scary.

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    1. It was really more of a "gentle grazing" rather than being full on hit, but i still screamed, haha

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  2. totally want to join BMAI! How can some one not like Bloody Mary's?? Blasphemy!

    BTW - that one in the picture looks amazing!

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    1. It's from Silver Cloud here in Chicago, one of my favorite brunch spots!

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  3. WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?! NEVER GO TO IKEA OR BUY ANYTHING!!!

    seriously dying this week at your FWP. GOOD WEEK!

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    1. Lesson learned. Except for it wasn't. Matt went to return it and came home with a picture frame. The cycle continues...

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  4. Bloody Mary = meal in a cup. Best food eva! I can't believe you touched a deers butt.

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    1. FYI, You're still winning...You won the entry into the Fox Cities Marathon/Half Marathon. Guess I'll be meeting you next month!

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  5. HIlarious!! You hit a deer's butt with your arm? What the heck was the deer doing...watching you run? No, wait I guess you were not running....right? That's what the biker said....ha! I would have yelled something sweet back. ;-)

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    1. This was two different runs, haha, that would just be TOO eventful!! :D

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  6. How about a r.b. meetup run over to Silver Cloud for brunch? I love their Bloody Marys, but haven't been there in a couple of years. Love meat and/or seafood in mine!

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    1. Yes! I don't eat meat, so usually i end up negotiating a trade with someone around me to gain an extra olive!

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    2. Mmmm...olives and a Bloody Mary! They go together like peanut butter and chocolate!

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  7. Some Gingerfoxxx chick keeps winning all the race entries I'm trying to not pay for!

    FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

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    1. True story - i didn't realize it was the same date as fort 2 base....do you want it??

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    2. what are the odds of that? FWP again - you won 2 race entries for the SAME DAY!

      I spose you'd better just ask Shannon how she wants to handle it. Not sure how picky they are...although I'd love it :)

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    3. I just emailed her, so i will keep you posted - but seriously, i am getting in my car right now and driving to vegas. I might just be able to pay off my student loans in this lifetime!

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    4. You totally should. You would win HUGE. Oh, and I am so down with BMAI. Bloody Mary = YUM!

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  8. I've never had a bloody mary! Not sure if I want to join BMAI.
    And omg you made me laugh so hard during this post. Hilarious!!!! And you should have knocked over those crappy bikers!! Tell them to try to run!!

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  9. Once when Kim and I were running on the DPRT I had to take a walk break. Of course that's the cyclists rode by. "Walkers up!" they yelled. I wanted to shout after them, "I'm a runner!" But cyclists are too fast. Damn them.

    Also, if you would like Bloody Mary garnishes of epic proportions we should go to Maya del Sol in Oak Park for brunch. The stick of garnishes is just as tall as the drink.

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    1. That sounds exactly like what my life has been missing!

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  10. I will gladly join BMAI! It should be like a WIAW but What Bloody Mary I Drank Today sorta thing. I need to get me some vodka! The Stiletto race wouldn't be a good thing to do after BMAI day.

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    1. Haha, either that, or maybe the two bad decisions would counter each other??

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  11. I once took a giant gulp of what I thought was a strawberry daquari. I was about 19 and really wanted some booze at that family party. PSYYYYYYCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHH.... it was a bloody mary. I haven't been able to drink either beverage since. Although, maybe I just need to have a good one to change my mind...?

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    1. I could see that being traumatic if i was expecting something sweet, haha

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  12. Umm, I LOVE BLOODY MARY'S! Like, LOVE. As in, I ordered one at 4:00 the other day at Bar Louie. Count me in!

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    1. I didn't even realize bar louie had them! I am adding it to the list!

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  13. Love love love bloody Mary's. But I'm going dry for the next few weeks so I won't be able to exercise my member benefits of the BMAI Until mid September.

    Damn waffles and her anti American stance. Is she all for Egypt since that's where basenjis come from (I think?) ok so they come from Africa. I just checked.

    Cyclists are assholes. I am not a fan of them yelling out ON YOUR LEFT when they are practically Breathing down my neck. Thanks for the heads up douche!

    I think you need a vacation away from all of your FWP. Maybe take a trip to Mexico or someplace poor so you can have some 3WP lol :)

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    1. I'm partially to blame - i should have foreseen the flag getting eaten. I always threaten to take her to Congo to see how she fares, in a world with no sausage treats or frisbees.

      I am also going (mostly) dry until after the races - although sometimes i just drink bloody mary mix on weekday mornings, because i like the idea of have pickles and olives with my breakfast! :D

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  14. Totally with you on Moonrise Kingdom! Thought it was the best movie I've seen in a while. The man and I laughed in the theater too...you have some other mature humored young ones with you!

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  15. First off, your run-in with the deer nearly made me spit out my coffee this morning! Thanks for that! :)

    In regards to Bloody Mary's, as a girl who typically hates tomato juice AND vodka, I've pretty much steered clear of them my whole life. However, only very recently did I discover that sometimes two wrongs DO make a right, especially if there is enough Tabasco sauce involved. I am learning to appreciate Bloodys and might make a good honorary member of BMAI!

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  16. Soooo... I'm in line with a bunch of lawyers at a stuffy "express" lunch place, waiting for my cajun shrimp salad to be made, and I'm reading Gingerfoxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. I get to the part where you called Waffles "my little asshole" and I busted out laughing AND about peed my pants. Needless to say, I disturbed the dynamic of the lunch crowd and then I couldn't stop laughing. Note to self: No more Gingerfoxxxxxxxxxxxxxx while hanging with the stuffy crowd.

    Secondly, you wouldn't need to worry so much about landry if you went commando on the run! :o)

    Thirdly, while I do not want to join BMAI, I would like to go to brunch (and drink champagne!) and steal all those olives.

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  17. So jealous you saw moonrise kingdom! I'm dying to see it!

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  18. hahaha that stiletto race would be in Russia. I have no comments on my culture. I'm flying out to Russia for two weeks on Saturday...can't wait to see what crazy things I encounter

    Cyclists are no fun. When they scream "left" or "right" I always automatically move in the direction that they scream. How I've avoided a collision thus far impresses me! PS - I can't believe you felt up a deer...how scandalous! ;)

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