Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A change will do you good.

Well, its official, i got the notice:
It's official - I'm cursed.  Where ever i go, the yellow warning flag, it follows.  I think this picture just about sums up how i am feeling right now:
Yeah, i'm pretty pissed off and wallowing in my own misery.  I could write a long post just whining about how i have the worst luck in the world, and how scared i am, and sad that any chance of a respectable time just went out the window.  OR i could write a post about just training for this has overcome all the odds, and that the most important thing is that i finish.

I assure you, i will do neither of those things.  Instead of my traditional First World Problems post, today i bring you: People with bigger FWP's than me!

1. Francois Hollande
I'm sorry, but if within hours of being elected the new president of France your plane is struck by lightening, i would be peeing my pants scared of what the next four years of your Presidency hold.  I have five hours of mother nature hating me, but you my friend, you have five years.
FWP.

2.  Basically anyone in Greece.  Or Spain.  Or Syria.  Actually, that whole general area seems to be having some general issues lately.  
Whats worse than running a molten lava hot marathon?  Living in Greece.  I kid.  But not really.  They have problems.
FWP.

3.  Any animal within a half mile radius of Lady Gaga.
God forbid i be the only asshole to bring up how many starving children could have feasted off of one of your MANY meaty ensembles.  SERIOUSLY.
FWP.

4.  Matt.
Seriously, i am a crazy bitch this week.  I pity all of you who have been reading my blog lately, but this poor kid lives with me.  When you look him in the eye, all you see is suffering.  I'm sorry Matt.  Also, go get me a popsicle.
FWP

5.  This guy who was bitten by a rattlesnake in a walmart.
Seriously.  He was bitten by a rattlesnake.  IN A WALMART.
FWP

6.  This guy, picketing an all you can eat fish fry establishment.
How dare you advertise unlimited fried fish and then try to cut a man off after 20 pieces.  What has the world come too??  WHAT CAN WE BELIEVE IN????
FWP

7. This poor Dead Girl.
Whose tuberculosis was misdiagnosed as "lovesickness"  It's an honest mistake.  I mix the two up all the time.  Fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, coughing up blood - it's like they are the same illness.  Thank god we have WebMD.
FWP.

8. Whoever was in charge of printing all these signs.
I think you might have made a mistake, friend.
FWP

9. Fat Betty Draper
Watching Betty Draper try to lose weight on madmen is heart-breaking.  Poor Betty Draper....You just have to stop eating so much girl!  Be patient.  I actually like you better fat.  (and did anyone else see that avocados were on the list of foods not to eat in her weight watchers meeting? People were crazy in the 1960's)
FWP

10. Lindsay Lohan
Do i really need to say anymore?  She looks old enough to be my grandma.
FWP.

11 comments:

  1. Um, I believe that guy that got bit by a rattle snake in wally world was close to Spokane. I tell you wally world is a scary effing place. When I was a 911 dispatcher we got calls from those stores all the time. Not good. Don't go. Scary. :-)

    Embrace the heat, I am sure you will do fine and hopefully it turns out to be nothing. Remember to wear sunscreen....

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  2. LOL, I love this post! I was bitching to someone yesterday about all of my triathlon fears (it's my first one) and then I stopped myself and said, "I can't believe I'm just sitting here talking about my lame first world problems and you're actually listening."
    She replied with, "What?"

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  3. I'm sorry the weather will not cooperate for your first marathon. :( I guess that means that you'll have room for improvement in one of the 2 other marathons you're running this year? (Trying to find a positive.) I'll be cheering for you when I'm hungover in Nashville, TN!!

    There was an episode of the Simpson's where Homer sued the "all you can eat" fish place for the same reason. I find it amusing that the episode has now been made into a real life issue.

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  4. The guy that is picketing the fish fry....apparently he has a tab at that place too...an unpaid tab that's been running for some time. Why would you make such an issue out of a place that lets you eat enough food to feed a family of 10 and also serves you drinks when they are unpaid for??! True idiot right there. Now what the hell is he gonna do on Friday night? Oh yeah, picket.

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  5. And because I'm a bitch and forgot to mention the fact that your marathon is gonna be a hot one....I wish you luck. I hope you feel alright and you will always remember your first marathon so try to relax, breath, and enjoy the time as much as one can in a sauna.

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  6. You missed the memo! LL is re-branding herself by appearing on Glee! I'll believe it when I see it.

    I'll miss our run today!!!

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  7. Bwahahaha! Good ones....

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  8. Ugh. Is any marathon safe from crazy heat these days? I know it's hard to feel like you need to run a respectable time, but I hope you do have some fun! :)

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  9. Girl, it's out of your control. Just rejoice in your training- especially that you got there healthy. Take it extra conservative in the early miles, wear a hat so you can stuff ice in it- I've also stuffed ice in my sports bra to stay cool. It works. And just enjoy the race. There will be more races with better and worse conditions. Try not to worry about this too much. Easier said than done I know :)

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  10. OMG, I heard about the Walmart dude...wtf seriously? You are a beautiful person, and I am blessed to know you. Smile!

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  11. YESSSS Mad Men is perfect. And Lindsay...there really are no words.

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