Sorry mom, i ate all your kale.

The best part about coming home to see your mom is that you get free range on the fridge/cabinets.  Rarely do you go into someone's house and just start eating all their food, but with your parents, its A-OK.


My mom is the queen of fad diets.  She has been trying to lose weight since the day i was born.  Literally. I was most likely the cause of any excess weight.  I was an asshole fetus.  Atkins, the zone, southbeach, you name it, she has tried it.  Her latest fad diet is "juicing"  She saw the documentary "fat, sick, and nearly dead"  and bought right in.  

Dont get me wrong, it was a great movie, i enjoyed it.  There were even cartoons explaining basic nutrition, so right there, i gave it two thumbs up.  The magic trick was that people who were overweight, living on a diet of junk food and take out and not getting any exercise would go on a juice fast for 30-60 days, and start doing light cardio exercise.  Its endearing, and it's great to see people change their lives, but its a little drastic.  Two months without food?  a little extreme to me.  I don't think i would be able to go 2 days without food and still keep up with running.  (who are we kidding, i eat constantly and STILL blow at running.)  


I digress.  Its on netflix, and totally worth watching, but i am not about to go out and buy a $300 juicer.


I AM however having a heyday playing with my mom's fancy juicer!  As a designer, i am obsessed with experimenting with its tolerances.  (this is a fancy way of saying sticking shit in it i probably shouldnt)  And as a juice lover, i enjoy drinking its juice.  I have also been other the weather, so i figured why not cram as many fruits and veggies in my body as humanly possible.


This is the juicer:

The Beast.

This thing is a BEAST.  I could never own one because it's bigger than my kitchen!  It does however have a ton of parts which intrigues and amazes me.  And when you turn it on, it sounds like a quiet jet engine.  LOVE.


This was my first juice attempt:

Cram that health in!

I went a little crazy and decided to try everything.  I can't even remember, but i think it contains, and apple, a pear, a wedge of pineapple, two carrots, some blueberries, dandelion greens, romaine lettuce and kale.  It looked like this:

yikes.

Both my brother and tried it, and it tasted pretty good, but it looked terrible.  If it were a little darker, it could have actually passed for a guiness maybe.  Anyway, i drank a ton of it, (serving size?  whats that?)  and i felt pretty gross.  Maybe squeezing in 12 servings of fruits in veggies in one go wasn't the best idea...

I woke up in the morning at 6:00 and it was 42 degrees.  With a windchill in the 30's.  Wasn't it 80 degrees last weekend??  DAMN YOU ROCKFORD!  I had contacted a local yoga studio that had saturday morning classes, so i decided to run after yoga.  I got all gussied up, drove to downtown rockford, and no one was at the studio.  I called the number and no one answered.  I even waited around for 15 minutes in case people were running late.  Not cool.

Damn Straight.

You suck, pranayama yoga studio, thanks for wasting my time.

I went home and decided to run.  Only i couldn't get home.  An impromptu breast cancer walk had apparated and all the streets to my moms house were blocked off.  (i realize that it was most likely not impromptu and i just didn't get the memo, but annoying none the less.)  I parked light years away and walked to my moms.  Then i suited up for running, only to realize that the impromptu breast cancer walk headquarters were directly in between me, and the only path to the trail i run.  AWESOME.

I had to barrel through all the walkers.  It was the only way.  (sorry guys.)  I jest.  I didn't knock anyone over, but my first 3/4 of a mile were a logistical nightmare.  The rest of my run was peaceful and relaxing and wonderful.  I didn't even want to listen to music!  I ended up running 9.3 miles (random.)  my first mile was redonkulously slow, but the rest were all in the upper 9's.  Acceptable.  It was chilly, but the sun was out and kept me warm.  It was super windy though, and sometimes i swore that no matter how hard i ran, i was moving backwards.  

All in all, i am glad i got my run in, otherwise i would be a megabitch today.

***side note- running in Rockford, IL is AWESOME.  There is an amazing bike path system, everyone is super friendly, and for being the 9th most dangerous city in the U.S., i feel much safer running here than i ever do in Chicago.  If you live in Northern IL/Southern WI, then you should enjoy a long run in rockford, it's the bees knees.

This advertisement for Rockford, IL is funded by Gingerfoxxx

When i got home, i decided to have a rematch with the juicer.

Apple, pineapple, spinach and kale.  Trying not to go overboard this time.

Yes, i drink all my juice out of pint glasses

It looked and tasted like a green machine juice by Naked juice!  I figured you out boys!!!!

Now that i am all juiced up, i think i will snuggle up with a cat, try and catch up on some zombie movies, and maybe hit the the apple orchard!!

Whoa there, big girl, maybe you should try a juice fast.....